Soberwolf

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Scared1234

Did I just read my own thoughts? Hello? Is this real life!? Incredible. All your inner dilemmas are EXACTLY like mine. My drinking ritual however, was to drink one night, recover the next, drink one night, recover the next. My body may be able to take the beating everyday as you are doing...but I reached a point where my MIND started to hurt (and still hurts after binges). When you reach this part of your drinking journey, I hope you are ready. The panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and lack of creativity will make you start to REALLY take a look at your choices. I'm in that nightmare right now my friend. And let me tell you, it isn't fun. You can stop now and if you are strong enough, you can win. If you win, you'll inspire a whole bunch of people like me who are stuck having the same inner conversations as you are right this second! I wish you good luck. You are here for a reason

OpenTuning

Hi Drama,

Terrifically written post. Sums up the situation you're in beautifully, and as you'll have seen by now, you are in the company here of many, many people who feel, or have felt, the same as you.

Now, as one of the Gascony cadets said to Cyrano after one of his flowing speeches, "fine words butter no parsnips!"

In other words, now that you've superbly expressed the miserable situation you are in, what concrete steps are you going to take to get out of it? The fact that you've come on here to post means you're taking the problem seriously, which is a terrific start. But that's only step one.

There are a lot of different approaches for getting sober that suit all types of personalities. AA of course, AVRT, which is what resonated for me after reading the Crash Course you'll find online, but there are so many others you can read about on these forums. And of course having such a wonderfully supportive community that you find here on SR is a massive help in itself.

Like so many others I hope you'll continue to post, and I look forward to an equally evocative description of the genuine joys of sobriety if you choose to pursue that goal!

Rar

Fr Heartfan82, "I sincerely did not realize my anxiety was caused by drinking, until I was sober for a few months, and it gradually went to the wayside."


I am tormented by anxiety. It would begin minutes upon awakening and continue until I could fall asleep. Even after the short time I've been alcohol free (on 17th day), it's lessened considerably. I'm very hopeful it will disappear.

doggonecarl

^^ This.

NuevaComienzo89

The "A" word, yes I can totally relate I'm at 3 days and still have trouble saying it. Sounds like you're not necessarily in denial that your drinking is causing serious problems for you but don't know how to stop. While I am certainly no expert here, maybe try an AA meeting, if nothing else maybe hearing the stories of others could help.

I echo the poster who said addiction is insidious mine certainly has been and while I struggle with the two voices in my head I know I need to keep posting here and going to meetings....

Best of luck and keep coming back

Arbor

This caught my eye too. When rationale isn't enough anymore what are you going to do? One thing an AA member said to me on my first day was no matter what level of education you have you'll never out think alcoholism. I believe that. I tried for two years then gave AA a try.

MIRecovery

I've never met anyone to dumb for sobriety but I met countless people that are too smart. Our intellect has served us well over the years but not when it comes to sobriety. As much as I hated it i had to do what people with long term sobriety did. Doing sobriety my way achieved a 100% failure rate

Berrybean

Sounds like you know what you SHOULD do. Only you can make that decision though. There's lots of help out there once the decision has been made, as you will no doubt pick up on here.

Good luck with your recovery mission, should you choose to accept it

sleepie

Hi Drama, how are you doing today?

MelindaFlowers

When I was drinking and then in early sobriety I had a lot of deep shame. I simply could not understand how I had ended up an alcoholic to the point of a doctor telling me I had damaged my health. How? Why? Me? How stupid could I be? How irresponsible?

Of course careers and education aren't everything but it helped me to remember that people from all walks of life, doctors, lawyers, psychologists, astronauts, end up in the same boat. That helped me a lot to not feel "less than."