I'm new to this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4
I'm new to this
Hi
I've finally decided I can't have alcohol in my life anymore. It's cost me a lot over the years but recently just cost me someone I really cared about. She won't even talk to me anymore and I can't say I blame her. I acted like a crazy person. What started off as a mild issue spiraled into a huge mess and I still don't understand why. I was angry and drunk and said so much I didn't mean and then would sober up and feel horrible and start drinking again to ease the pain and the cycle would continue. After driving her as far away as I could I know I have to let her go and work on me. There's no more choice left. I miss her but I'm too ashamed. Hopefully I'll be able to make amends some day.
I don't get it. I've known her for 10 years and have always been a gentleman. My behaviour shocked her. I know that's not me but I couldn't stop. The whole thing is so confusing.
I've finally decided I can't have alcohol in my life anymore. It's cost me a lot over the years but recently just cost me someone I really cared about. She won't even talk to me anymore and I can't say I blame her. I acted like a crazy person. What started off as a mild issue spiraled into a huge mess and I still don't understand why. I was angry and drunk and said so much I didn't mean and then would sober up and feel horrible and start drinking again to ease the pain and the cycle would continue. After driving her as far away as I could I know I have to let her go and work on me. There's no more choice left. I miss her but I'm too ashamed. Hopefully I'll be able to make amends some day.
I don't get it. I've known her for 10 years and have always been a gentleman. My behaviour shocked her. I know that's not me but I couldn't stop. The whole thing is so confusing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome to SR Stephen. You've come to a place with a ton of support. The good thing is you've decided to help yourself first. You can only control your actions and focusing on your sobriety will put everything else into prospective.
You can absolutely get your life back on track. What's your plan going forward?
You can absolutely get your life back on track. What's your plan going forward?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 36
It is tough to let go, for now. Being sober is of utmost importance at this time. She will either come around in the future, or, she won't. You must accept either paths, but more importantly, acceptable from a sober standpoint.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
I hope that is the only thing you lose... in reality a lot of us have a lot more we can lose, and some do lose them all. Work on yourself, then see what the situation brings. Maybe its just time and a change that will lead you back together, maybe not. But you can be sure that if you keep drinking, you wont get her back, and you very well could lose a lot more.
I didnt lose a job, car, money, family etc when I drank... what I did lose was time and most importantly time being spent with my family. I was just getting by and not really noticing what was happening around me. I kind of missed out on my now one year old being a newborn, sure I was present, and there but I wasnt there mentally. Thats something I can never get back. But I am there now and will continue to be there as long as I stay sober.
Best of luck to you.
I didnt lose a job, car, money, family etc when I drank... what I did lose was time and most importantly time being spent with my family. I was just getting by and not really noticing what was happening around me. I kind of missed out on my now one year old being a newborn, sure I was present, and there but I wasnt there mentally. Thats something I can never get back. But I am there now and will continue to be there as long as I stay sober.
Best of luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: maine
Posts: 158
Hi - jryan made a great, but sad point. I had to lose, a job, my family for awhile, my health declined, had two OUIs (so grateful no one was hurt), suicide attempt - and the Beast AV still talks to me. I'm just not listening anymore - but it's certainly an uphill climb!! All worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4
thank you
I do hope to reconnect with her one day but I've decided not to focus my sobriety on it. I'm afraid that if I make her my sole reason to quit and it doesn't get her back then I will relapse. Like it or not I have to forget her for now.
I've started going to AA. Honestly I'm skeptical but I'm going to do it anyways. I just can't live this way anymore. I work in a logging camp 10 days at a time. It's not a dry camp but I find I have no trouble staying sober there. It's weird actually lol
I think my issue is boredom. I get my time off and drink until it's time to go back to work. I want to substitute with exercise but right now I'm just enduring being miserable and trying not to chain smoke. I am not healthy but I hope to change that.
What gets me is the cycle of shame. I'm just living thru the part where I used to get drunk and forget it...temporarily. it's sucks so bad and I really beat myself up about it. I can't stop thinking of the people I love who I let down. Is this common? How long does it take to pass?
I've started going to AA. Honestly I'm skeptical but I'm going to do it anyways. I just can't live this way anymore. I work in a logging camp 10 days at a time. It's not a dry camp but I find I have no trouble staying sober there. It's weird actually lol
I think my issue is boredom. I get my time off and drink until it's time to go back to work. I want to substitute with exercise but right now I'm just enduring being miserable and trying not to chain smoke. I am not healthy but I hope to change that.
What gets me is the cycle of shame. I'm just living thru the part where I used to get drunk and forget it...temporarily. it's sucks so bad and I really beat myself up about it. I can't stop thinking of the people I love who I let down. Is this common? How long does it take to pass?
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome to SR, stephen; you've found a good place and you'll see you're not alone. I think it's wise to put your focus on your sobriety for now and do it just for you.
Your feelings are very common. For me, time and continuing on my sober path has eased my sense of regret and shame. My sister told me today that she really enjoys talking to me again; she didn't at all when I was drinking.
Your feelings are very common. For me, time and continuing on my sober path has eased my sense of regret and shame. My sister told me today that she really enjoys talking to me again; she didn't at all when I was drinking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome to SR Stephen. You will find loads of wisdom, support and understanding here. Please read as much as you can to educate yourself and post often. It will reinforce your commitment to remain alcohol free. Hang in there. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hi and welcome Stephen
Shame is a big issue for most of us, but we can't change the past, howver much we want to.
We can do a lot with today tho The more I focused on today, on doing the right things and being all I could be, the less my shame haunted me.
I'm glad you joined us - there's a lot of support here
D
Shame is a big issue for most of us, but we can't change the past, howver much we want to.
We can do a lot with today tho
The more I focused on today, on doing the right things and being all I could be, the less my shame haunted me.I'm glad you joined us - there's a lot of support here
D
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Originally Posted by stephen19 
I haven't posted for awhile. I just got off a week long bender I barely remember. Feeling pretty low about it. Not sure how to stop this or why I quite doing this tto myself
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Stephen 19
I'm so sorry you're feeling low. If you want to be sober, to live a healthy life, you'll need to come up with a plan for reaching your goals. It isn't complicated but the plan gives you structure and a process if you will. First however you have to put a plug in the jug. See your dr. if you are concerned about withdrawal. The first 5 days or so it really helps me to stay close to SR, focus on doing the next right thing...no matter how mundane (take shower, vacuum, walk dogs, eat veggies, deep breathing, let it go). Writing daily not only here, but in a journal. Get those feelings of guilt and shame out there. Practice mindfulness...stay right in this moment. Yesterday is gone but today I can do right. Let go of all thoughts and behavior that don't serve the purpose of remaining sober. Be kind to yourself. You can do this.
I'm so sorry you're feeling low. If you want to be sober, to live a healthy life, you'll need to come up with a plan for reaching your goals. It isn't complicated but the plan gives you structure and a process if you will. First however you have to put a plug in the jug. See your dr. if you are concerned about withdrawal. The first 5 days or so it really helps me to stay close to SR, focus on doing the next right thing...no matter how mundane (take shower, vacuum, walk dogs, eat veggies, deep breathing, let it go). Writing daily not only here, but in a journal. Get those feelings of guilt and shame out there. Practice mindfulness...stay right in this moment. Yesterday is gone but today I can do right. Let go of all thoughts and behavior that don't serve the purpose of remaining sober. Be kind to yourself. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by jd1639
Hey, it happens. Best thing you can do is pick yourself up and try again. There is no failure, just another learning experience. Learn from it and adjust your plan.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hi Stephen
To find change I had to make change.
Supports really important so I really recommend posting here a lot more, or finding real life support like AA or whatever.
The more you out into your recovery the more you'll get out of it
D
To find change I had to make change.
Supports really important so I really recommend posting here a lot more, or finding real life support like AA or whatever.
The more you out into your recovery the more you'll get out of it
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4
Thank u all
I will keep posting. Hopefully the day will come that I can pay it forward
but I'm in a bad way right now
I ruined my relationship with my best friend who I loved
crashed my car. missed work. running out of money. Just barely holding on
I'm killing myself but I don't want to
die
the shame and remorse is heavy this time
I will keep posting. Hopefully the day will come that I can pay it forward
but I'm in a bad way right now
I ruined my relationship with my best friend who I loved
crashed my car. missed work. running out of money. Just barely holding on
I'm killing myself but I don't want to
die
the shame and remorse is heavy this time
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
You can stop Stepen, you have the power and strength to get your life back. Bottom line, you've got to want to stop drinking. If you truly want to end this, then do it. Do it right now, you deserve a better future than you are making for yourself.
You can't change what happened yesterday, but you can mold tomorrow into a better path. This isn't going to be easy, but I promise you, all of your efforts to stay sober will be so worth the outcome.
Lean on us as much as you need. We have been where you are now. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, but you've got to take control.
You can't change what happened yesterday, but you can mold tomorrow into a better path. This isn't going to be easy, but I promise you, all of your efforts to stay sober will be so worth the outcome.
Lean on us as much as you need. We have been where you are now. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, but you've got to take control.
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