FarToGo

I've read somewhere a few times, maybe on SR as well, that it's best not to make any major life changes in the first 12 months of sobriety.
Sounds sensible, if not always possible. Is this something about needing to get to know the sober you? Or maybe it's such a big and ongoing change of life that your early / new decisions are likely to be unsound?
I'd appreciate your thoughts.
Thanks x

Carver

It'd be nice! At three weeks sober I had to quit my job, move across the country 200 miles away from my daughter, and find a new job/somewhere to live. Still sober though.

I think if you can avoid any major changes, it would be preferable. But if your resolve is strong then you can pretty much do anything

biminiblue

Stress is a big trigger that can send people back to drinking, and changes involve stress for most people.

I agree that it is an individual thing, though.

ScottFromWI

I think it's a little of both, but it's not a hard and fast rule. And as you say it's not always possible - things happen in our lives that we cannot control. Having some stability in one part of your life can certainly help when you are trying to create stability in another though.

FarToGo

Feeling pretty stuck and unsure, I've always run out on my problems, moved away ect... But this time I have my daughter to think about and financial ruin sucks, especially with another person to consider. Being sober is (seems to be if this new me is clear enough) showing me I'm living with an emotional bully. keeps coming at me and my gut is screaming...... friends say hand in there for a while til your daughter is sorted, so hard.

ccam1973

Fartogo, for me, it had to do with my need to focus completely on sobriety for the first year. If I had made any life changing decisions during that time I would have lost focus on keeping sober and had a greater chance of drinking again. Although, sometimes life forces us to make decisions and changes when we are not completely ready.

I think time also lets you get used to your cognitive decision making process with a sober mind. Your body will adjust both mentally and physically to life without alcohol. It takes some time for that adjustment to become a part of your seamless, everyday process.

Bottom line is either way, you can make it through... but I think the odds in making it through sober are much greater if you don't disrupt the ship during the early days of sobriety.

Carver

^^^ spot on

ScottFromWI

That is the heart of the issue for most of us. Stopping the actual drinking is relatively easy compared to actually facing our lives and problems and responsibilities. That's where having solid support is very important throughout the process.

FarToGo

Yeah, I think it's maybe counselling for me first. That and some techniques to protect myself at home a bit more, so grim.

Fly N Buy

Getting sober requires dramatic change in and of itself for people like us. My experience is I minimized necessary changes and focused on not drinking. However, there are things that won't wait.

A trusted friend, mentor etc is advisable to run things through with when it comes to finances and relationship changes. Support for me was very important and once sought / accepted changed everything .........

Take it one small bite, one moment - one day at at time. Just don't drink and stack some time. Things cleared up in my head and difficult choices/decisions became more than some cockeyed hunch.

Glad you're here with us, friend

FarToGo

Thank you so much, wise words and counsel. don't know what I did before SR, really. Well I do actually, drank a lot and ran from a lot.
Thank you x

Berrybean

I think my perspective was pretty out of kilter in my first year (all of it).

Saying that I moved house - but then we were already in the process of buying the place when I got sober. That actually was quite useful, as it meant I was away from my old drinking haunts and drinking buddies. In my new town I'm know by bar staff as someone who DOES NOT drink. Quite a change from my old area. (When I go back they can't quite believe I'm still sober,and all give me shell-shocked and pitying looks hahaha). Also the AA meetings in my new area are really good, which is another bonus

entropy1964

Life happens and we can't live in a hermetically sealed environment when getting sober (although I try). I would just avoid, if possible, new romantic relationships. They can be stressful, unsure, and can often involve alcohol. Focusing on me is the number one priority.

Berrybean

And not leaving jobs due to anxiety and resentment is good advice as well - we tend to think that all those feelings are there because of something, when chances are they're being manufactured by us.

FarToGo

Thank you all of you. One thing I'm not in danger of is a new romantic relationship! But point taken and appreciated.
Just needing day to day survival skills for living in a dead relationship. Separate lives, or more separate lives is something I try for but this causes resentment and moods............ ah well, I'm not running at the moment cos I can't and maybe shouldn't.
Thank you
xx