back2thegoodME

alcohol fuels my depression. i live on a sadness merry-go-round. i sober up mon-thurs. i start to feel better on friday. go out all weekend, drink too much and the pain starts all over again. it dont remember the last weekend i didnt drink too much then end up fighting with boyfriend and crying myself to sleep. i feel good on friday, why cant i drink and not become more sad, more angry, more emotional? why do i do this to myself? i know once i stop drinking i will feel better. i will have some self worth and not get into verbal abusive fights and i will deserve not to be called names and put downs. i dont even look forward to weekends anymore. it just brings sadness and pain and sickness. i guess i need to hide away from everyone, dont speak to anyone to convince me to come out and "have fun". it never ends in fun.

SoberJohn

That is the vicious merry go-round that you must jump off

ScottFromWI

Because alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. It's job is to make you depressed, sad angry and more emotional.

Have you considered seeking some local support like meetings or some kind of rehab or counseling? Sometimes we need a kick in the shorts and some supervision/accountability to get started in sobriety.

D122y

Hi,

Sounds like binge drinking.

Google kindling and PAWS.

Read this see if it helps break your cycle...

Bills Story, pg. 13, Para. 2.

Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous

Posted w permission AAWS Inc.

thomas11

I can relate, did it for a long time. It requires breaking the cycle and if you are socializing in bars and clubs, might require a "break" from that social circle of friends. Sounds like it is doing you no favors and you will thank yourself in the end. Good luck to you.

amp123

Alcohol fuels depression and depression fuels alcohol abuse. That's what happened to me. Needed to break the cycle as I was living in a bottle by the end and nobody could reach me. Change comes from within

Winthorpe

You may need to make a 'big plan'.

This can help break you out of a disheartening life pattern.

Try this:

Think about the next 3 years. Come up with an idea for a business that satisfies these conditions (it costs about $100 / £60 to set up a business)

Condition 1: it involves something you know about.
Condition2: it involves something you enjoy.
Condition3: it can come to fruition in 3 years if you contribute no more than 5 hours per week to it.

Spend a whole week writing down ideas and come up with your own 'big plan'.

Then get excited and go for it.

Hevyn

I did the same irrational thing for many years. I guess I was searching for the euphoria drinking once gave me - but that was decades ago. I never realized I was adding to my anxiety & misery by insisting it could still be fun, & an escape from everyday problems.

Glad to have you with us, back2thegoodME. It helps to talk things over with people who understand.

entropy1964

Alcohol is a neuro toxin and a central nervous system depressant. It also lowers inhibitions (big time) so stuff that you would normally be able to control, just kinda explodes...at least for me. I have read that it actually alters parts of the brain that control emotions and impulse control...seems that way for me. It leeches important vitamins from your system (B1, B2, B12 for ex) that help support your cells and organs. Basically it kind of tears us up. So what your experiencing is normal when the drug is abused.
The only way to stop the cycle is to do just that. Make other plans on the weekends. Maybe Friday night needs to be take out and movie night. Something active on Saturday to keep you busy. I know I have to avoid situations and people that trigger my drinking. Just is how it is. Luckily (or not depending how one looks at it) I'm a solo drinker and pretty much have no friends. Kinda good, kinda bad. But it does make getting sober a little easier initially.
It does get better but cha gotta remove the booze. Otherwise more depression, anger, fights with the bf and drama.

Soberwolf

How are you today ?

Reset

I managed to quit for a couple of years once before, and the motivation at that time was to see whether alcohol was the cause of the depression or whether depression was driving me to drink.

I just wanted to be happy and knew that I couldn't sort through the question of "how?" with alcohol clouding the picture. Turns out that (for me anyway) the two were more intertwined than I expected.

But what I learned was that I couldn't solve the entire problem without at least removing the alcohol component. And that allowed me to see the other aspects of the problem more clearly and work on them separately.

And you know, after about 3 months of sobriety I actually became a much happier person. Sure the problems never went away entirely but at least I saw them more clearly and could actually address them instead of bury them.

Maybe that approach can help you but anyway just know that you're not alone in what you're experiencing.