Navigation through social circles
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 148
Navigation through social circles
It's definitely harder then i thought too navigate through social circles being the non drinker.
As some may know I am visiting relatives who like too drink, alcohol is everywhere
So far ive had to decline on a few dinner parties, 1 night out, And the most sad of all, the yearly hunting trip. Let's just say you CANNOT go hunting, and not drink, its considered very strange. And you don't just drink, you get absolutely sh11111tfaced, its tradition.
Iam mainly attending our bbq's, where ofcourse everyone is drinking.
The most difficult part about not drinking, is having to deal with the strange looks, and the lectures on "you will be OK, your not an alcoholic, just have a few and stop, its easy, comon I do it all the time "
Or , the best one " pfft your overthinking it, its just one beer"
And iam amazed how offended people get when you decline a drink from them.
But no matter how manyy toes I step on , my soberness and health come first.
Ive even been told that I boring while sober. ...Good to know my drinking was entertainment , turns out I must of been the "drunk clown"
I'll finish by saying , going sober life isn't boring, its just -- different
Iam really enjoying the difference, and the calmness it has brought me.
As some may know I am visiting relatives who like too drink, alcohol is everywhere
So far ive had to decline on a few dinner parties, 1 night out, And the most sad of all, the yearly hunting trip. Let's just say you CANNOT go hunting, and not drink, its considered very strange. And you don't just drink, you get absolutely sh11111tfaced, its tradition.
Iam mainly attending our bbq's, where ofcourse everyone is drinking.
The most difficult part about not drinking, is having to deal with the strange looks, and the lectures on "you will be OK, your not an alcoholic, just have a few and stop, its easy, comon I do it all the time "
Or , the best one " pfft your overthinking it, its just one beer"
And iam amazed how offended people get when you decline a drink from them.
But no matter how manyy toes I step on , my soberness and health come first.
Ive even been told that I boring while sober. ...Good to know my drinking was entertainment , turns out I must of been the "drunk clown"
I'll finish by saying , going sober life isn't boring, its just -- different
Iam really enjoying the difference, and the calmness it has brought me.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's certainly different, and there are definitely some events you want to avoid. I'd disagree that there are certain things you CANNOT do without drinking though. Hunting is a perfect example - i'm not an avid hunter by any means, but I always participated in opening deer season with my father in law, my 2 brother in laws, my wife's uncle and a whole cast of other folks that own land near our family land. There is a LOT of drinking going on in the evenings, but i realized that it was pretty much only ME and a couple others that were participating in the heavy, heavy drinking. Others stay back at the cabin and relax, get to be early to get up the next day early, etc. I've gone for a couple years now and the fact that I'm not drinking isn't an issue for anyone.
Granted you do need to build up your sober muscles somewhat first.
Granted you do need to build up your sober muscles somewhat first.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
good for you! Folk who are overly bothered by your non drinking might have something to think about themselves??
I had a friend who clearly felt more comfortable with me being the big drinker, "you're such good fun when you drink". Yet really, real friendship is supporting what's good for each other.
you know you're making the right choice. good for you.
I had a friend who clearly felt more comfortable with me being the big drinker, "you're such good fun when you drink". Yet really, real friendship is supporting what's good for each other.
you know you're making the right choice. good for you.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
It probably feels like a big thing now but that transition phase looks a lot smaller (and shorter) in hindsight MR 
I missed a few parties - but I gained a new way of life and I rediscovered the real me.
Thats a pretty sweet deal
D
I missed a few parties - but I gained a new way of life and I rediscovered the real me.
Thats a pretty sweet deal
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Granted you do need to build up your sober muscles somewhat first.
There is no way in hell I would come back sober from this hunting Trip. So hence not going. Thanks for the feedback everyone, iam interested too see what realisations come up later down the road.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
you can totally go hunting without drinking.
In fact... hunting is far better without drinking.
While all your ****faced pals are suffering in misery sitting on their stump sipping hair of the dog from a flask and vomiting on their boots.... you'll be watching the forest, listening to the world all around you, feeling the greatest you've felt in years, being present with nature, and often times far more successful than your ****faced pals.
Granted - it's kind of annoying and difficult to be around your pals when they're all getting ****faced. You may even find that you gravitate towards new hunting pals. Ones who are deeper, richer, more present people in general and who go hunting without needing it to be a stupid, boyish, misguided 'celebration of freedom' through bing-drinking. This isn't hunting, this is adult children trying to make adolescence last forever.
There are a lot of challenges involved in being sober at first, but one of the easiest to overcome is simply changing these lies we tell ourselves... lies like "you cannot hunt without drinking".
Baloney.
In fact... hunting is far better without drinking.
While all your ****faced pals are suffering in misery sitting on their stump sipping hair of the dog from a flask and vomiting on their boots.... you'll be watching the forest, listening to the world all around you, feeling the greatest you've felt in years, being present with nature, and often times far more successful than your ****faced pals.
Granted - it's kind of annoying and difficult to be around your pals when they're all getting ****faced. You may even find that you gravitate towards new hunting pals. Ones who are deeper, richer, more present people in general and who go hunting without needing it to be a stupid, boyish, misguided 'celebration of freedom' through bing-drinking. This isn't hunting, this is adult children trying to make adolescence last forever.
There are a lot of challenges involved in being sober at first, but one of the easiest to overcome is simply changing these lies we tell ourselves... lies like "you cannot hunt without drinking".
Baloney.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
(PS - you might consider just going hunting yourself. If hunting is something you really value. Or go hunting with someone you know who doesn't drink. Even if they're not a hunter... perhaps its a chance to bond with them and introduce them to something new.... when there are things we love to do but associate with alcohol - one of the most powerful things we can do is take ACTION to show our addicted brain those things actually CAN be done without drinking.... give ourselves evidence.... begin training ourselves in a new direction with our OWN EXPERIENCE).
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Originally Posted by Madruski
Let's just say you CANNOT go hunting, and not drink, its considered very strange. And you don't just drink, you get absolutely sh11111tfaced, its tradition.
For years I went out once a week with "the lads" as a way to unwind, and catch up with friends. And would always drink enough to have a cracking hangover the next day which would write off getting any real work done.
When I took a planned 6 week break a while ago I dealt with it by simply not going until the 6 weeks were up. When I decided to quit for good, I didn't know what to do about these weekly sessions. How I'd cope if I was the only one on soft drinks. So I gave it a go, with much trepidation, and it worked out really well. Lots of surprised comments when people realised that wasn't a pint of beer in front of me, but I enjoyed myself just as much as always. Actually felt more relaxed because I wasn't obsessing about how many rounds I could fit in before the pub shut. Laughed more. People still laughed at my bad jokes. Nobody appeared threatened, though plenty of banter about it. But also a few of them seemed genuinely interested in what it's like to stop.
One of my best friends there recently decided to not drink for three days before the weekly session. The longest I think he's gone for a long time. Possibly years. Maybe coincidence, but I might even be helping a few people cut down, simply by showing you can still enjoy yourself while sober. And a few have said I'm looking healthier and fitter these days as well, which probably helps. We're all middle aged parents now where things like that start becoming more important.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I've had several very similiar experiences.... longtime friends and drinking mates of mine wondering sincerely how I'd done it, what it's like - even expressing wonder and wistful desire that they might do the same.
Many of us have been secretly, quietly suffering our own addiction for many years.... quietly knowing it wasn't how we wanted to live but feeling helpless to do anything about it.
It's good to remember that sometimes, and as we look around us, realize that there are many amongst us who still suffer. Many of our friends, many acquaintances, many total strangers who - behind the mask of their 'good times' are engaged in those very same struggles.
Many of us have been secretly, quietly suffering our own addiction for many years.... quietly knowing it wasn't how we wanted to live but feeling helpless to do anything about it.
It's good to remember that sometimes, and as we look around us, realize that there are many amongst us who still suffer. Many of our friends, many acquaintances, many total strangers who - behind the mask of their 'good times' are engaged in those very same struggles.
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