SoberLife90

This describes me being the alcoholic...drug addict I am. I am always "All or nothing" with everything i do. I even go through phases of things were I will do things in this manner. I don't seem to have much middle ground. I was wondering how all og you felt?

I am all or nothing when it comes to alcohol amd drugs...but I also do most things in my life in the same fashion.

Do all addicts and alcoholics relate to this? This is just how we are right?

TroyW

Yep, I totally agree us alcoholics have an "all or nothing" attitude, and that it's genetically born into us. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, because it can be absolutely amazing -- being addicted to your kids, to your business & a successful life, to your loving wife, to taking care of your parents, to humanitarian efforts, and so on. Without question, this notion can be used for good.

Here, watch this. Obviously, I'm not the only one who believes "all or nothing" is common amongst alcoholics.

PurpleKnight

For me when I drank it became all night until I passed out, there was no quick pint after work, a dram of whisky after dinner, a glass of wine in the sunshine, it was a bottle and then some more until I blacked out into bed!!

When it comes to life I've noticed this also, in the past there's a certain perfectionism that I have that when I sign up to do something my chips are all in, it's important though to not see this as any kind of flaw, there are good sides, for example in work, in a professional context, when it comes to organising something with friends, my sister's wedding a few years ago for example benefited from this viewpoint also.

I have though had to reign it in on other areas, new hobbies can quickly go by the wayside if I'm not fully interested, agreeing to be involved in everything going on in life can mean spreading myself too thin or not having enough time to get around to everything, so knowing and deciding what to take on and what to leave has been a learning curve.

Just another one of things I'm learning about myself!!

MIRecovery

I look at it as balance in my life and balance is still something I struggled with even in sobriety

Upwardspiral

I certainly identify with this. A BF once called me an absolutist. I find transitioning very difficult, so once I get going with something I keep on going, be it drinking, reading, exercising, or eating. Deciding a proper stopping point and turning my mind to what's next is hard and I'm having to learn how to do it in areas that are essential to my recovery, like with exercising. If I only suit up for a bike ride if it lasts 5 hours and completely destroys me, I will not do it frequently enough to benefit physically (except for the time I quit my job, gave away all my stuff and spent two months bicycling across the country. I'd call that an "all" behavior.) With social stuff I tend toward the "nothing" attitude, and that too is a challenge I must overcome.

Soberwolf

Balance in key work towards balance

Lance40

I love this topic and the responses because it touches so closely on my own journey to sobriety and wholeness. My own experiences lead me to believe that while balance may not come naturally to some of us that we can learn it through discipline and awareness.

Self-awareness is key. Learning to know yourself and practicing self-awareness will make you more adept at realizing more quickly when that "all or nothing" part of your nature is coming into play. You then have the opportunity to make choices. There may be times you decide to deliberately limit or curb the frequency or intensity of an activity. There may be other times that you acknowledge what is happening but decide to proceed anyway and keep a close eye on things.

My hope is that a deliberate practice in balance will eventually become a natural way of being, much like mature sobriety. I'm still too early in my own practice to say with any certainty that it will be this way, but the early signs are promising.

Andante

Nope, not an "all or nothing" person, and not even particularly passionate, devoted or committed about things in general -- except for preserving my addiction while I was an active drinker. And yes, my alcoholism was as serious as it gets.

I mention this just so no one gets the idea that because they don't self-identify as an "all or nothing" person, that means they can't be a "real" alcoholic/addict.

thomas11

I don't know if everyone is like that, but I know I certainly am. If I'm going to spend time doing anything, I give it all I got. Even drinking. But you can apply that effort to positive things just as well as negative things. You know what the right thing to do is, now its just a matter of executing those positive things.

greens

I felt like this in early sobriety and thought it was part of the "alcoholic" personality. Thinking this way led to a lot of erratic behavior because I thought I had no control over it.

A lot of that thinking has changed and I no longer sway back and forth as much. It still happens from time to time but it's not as serious anymore. But it takes a lot of practice and gentlness on myself.

Katie1985

I very very much relate to the all or nothing mentality. I've noticed that it has been a trait throughout my life and has manifested itself in different ways. First through getting good grades, then an eating disorder and exercise compulsion, and then compulsion with alcohol.
I also agree so much with the self-awareness piece and balance, which is a challenge for me but definitely easier and makes more sense in sobriety. I lose the ability to think in the grey when I am in addict mind and operating from a black or white perspective. This is turn leads to old, distorted thinking patterns that are self-destructive but persuasive. Kind of like muscle memory. If I work and engage the addict muscle, all of the tendencies flood back very quickly- the thinking patterns, behaviors.
I'm finding for me sobriety is like building a muscle that I have to engage everyday to make stronger and build familiarity with. That's why the concept of time, persistence, and leaning into sobriety everyday makes sense to me.

chloebaby

I am absolutely an all or nothing type person. With everything I do :-(