Jillian2563

Thanks Casey!

Jillian2563

I don't think so. Are you questioning whether or not you are an alcoholic? Sounds like there definitely is a problem with alcohol in your life though...

Elphaba, why don't you join me today in being sober?

CaseyW

I'm an alcoholic and I wouldn't want to drink the day after drinking like you just did, especially after the cops got involved.

My advice is to quit worrying about the label and focus on the problem. Do you want to stop drinking? Do you have trouble staying stopped? It sure doesn't sound like your way of drinking is working in your life. Give recovery a chance. AA is one way to find that recovery.

Jillian2563

Casey posted this on another thread and just wanted to post it here as well!

Put as much time into your recovery as you did into your drinking and you'll be amazed at the results.

Elphaba

Thank you Jillian. I had close to two years sober and blew it on vacation. I think it was easier for me to quit then because I was a daily drinker with physical dependence so there was no doubt. My perspective is so cloudy, I've been blackout drunk for the past 3 nights, so the progression is there.

Jillian2563

They doesn't sound like fun.

Jillian2563

Just told my husband I was going to a meeting tonight. He said he's glad I've decided to quit drinking and said he's quitting too. His doc is another though and I pray he won't pick it up again. This weekend was just awful because since he was using, I drank. But even if he does relapse, I will stay sober this time.

I haven't got much of a plan yet but here's what I do have.

AA meetings - 90 meetings in 90 days.
SR - checking in daily and reading others posts.
Spend quality time with my son.
Attend church regularly and get active in the church.
Walks, reading, baths - anything to fill the time

Zufrieden

Jillian, I wish you well at the AA meeting particularly if you like a group learning environment. Being nervous is normal but it will pass almost immediately once you get involved.
I am not a group person, made fun of AA for years, and now after two weeks of meetings I realize the powerful impact it can have on many different types of people. I really hope it helps you.
Elphaba....there are many times that an alcoholic doesn't want a drink. They are generally, for me, associated with my body rebelling and crying out for a "cease-fire" or they are related to complete humiliation. That repugnance seems to pass, unfortunately, sort of like the pain from childbirth.
Please actively remind yourself of this when the call to drink comes back around.
Jonathan

Jillian2563

Thanks Jonathan. I really don't want to go and have no opinion on AA but I am going anyway.

Also wanted to add that I'm seeking counseling. I have emailed 3 so far for info.

JD4010

Nothing worse than that sweaty, anxious feeling of a hangover, especially on a Monday morning.

I'm working on day 2 of sobriety. Starting on The Big Plan, as described in Rational Recovery (AVRT).

ginger5377

Jillian,

Today is day 2 for me and after work I am going to a facility that offers counseling and out patient care. Depending how bad you are, you should try something similar. I have been to a few AA meetings and I just feel uncomfortable in the group setting. But, it's still 3:14pm and I have 2 hours left of work and a drive to get there.... Minute by minute is always a struggle. I've been sweating at work and my brain is fog... But, I need to change. If I didn't hit rock bottom over the weekend, I don't want to find out what it is. Good luck, we can do it! I am also from Georgia

Jillian2563

Nice to meet you Ginger! I hope you are able to stick with it! Yes I'm seeking counseling for myself plus marriage. Is the place you are going to low cost?

Zebra1275

You know what's really baffling is I drank 4 doubles at lunch, followed by 2 bottles of wine, and half a bottle of gin at home, had the cops arrive, and I suspect my husbands not speaking to me, and some how I think we'll maybe I'm not enough of an alcoholic for AA? Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion?

What you describe is not normal drinking.

Scram

Hi Jillian -

I can't really speak for others on here, and I'm certainly not any type of authority, but I can speak for myself. And I have a lot of experience to draw from.

You're not an idiot - not at all. You have a disease. For me it is intensely important to reframe it in this sense. Not because it's a dramatic way of explaining our condition or because it somehow absolves us of responsibility but because it is the absolute truth. It is the scientifically proven, medically supported truth. I'm not sure if there is any other disease on the planet where those effected by it consistently view it as a moral failing or character flaw. To view yourself as an "idiot" is not only unfair to you but greatly underestimates the power of this illness.

It is an extremely rare person who can simply recover on their own by sheer willpower. There are support groups, professional therapy and medications available for the specific purpose of combating this disease (feel free to private message me about Naltrexone if you're interested in learning more). Most people wind up using some combination of all those listed above and more.

Like may said here, ultimately you have to want to get better more than you want to get drunk. And I'm a believer that in the very early stages, you have to want to get better more than anything else in the world. And millions of people have.

Jillian2563

Thanks scram. I have proved that I can't do it on my own. It's almost time for my "drinking time" and I'm glad I'm here. I do want to change and I want to change for good. I don't want to go back, ever. At least that's how I feel right now. I can't say for tomorrow.

Thanks for your kind words and reassuring me that I'm not an "idiot". I guess I just made some idiot moves/choices.

ZetaP38

Maybe three months before I entered AA, I fell backwards into the tub. I actually found this seriously alarming, even in the moment, as I'd heard that many deaths result from bathroom falls. It took a while, but I finally got all my body parts organized and climbed over the edge (amazingly, only bruises appeared.)

The fix? From then on, when I reached the point where I could no longer follow the cursor on the computer, it was time to crawl both ways to the john. Problem solved.

When folks in AA said, "My best thinking got me here", memories like these popped into my head. I identified.

I wish you well. Maybe consider going to an AA meeting every day, even if you don't stop drinking (tho it's helpful to go to the meeting before the first drink <s>). I was still drinking when I started hanging out in AA; when I heard enough 'good stuff' that increased my desire to stop drinking, I found the hope and courage to join them, one day at a time. They'll be fine with you not having 'made a decision' yet, should anyone ask. And if someone isn't (not the typical reaction), it isn't your problem.

Perhaps take a pad and paper just in case you hear something interesting, or have a question. My experience, when I looked at AA as a foreign language class, made a big difference.

It 'took what it took' to get me to AA; now I do what it takes to stay!


PJ

toadie54

Jillian, make no doubt about it, we at SR are here for you, but only you can choose to stop your abuse. It's all within your power and within you, but you have to be the one to implement your plan to end this.

Best wishes in your sobriety.

Jillian2563

Thanks PJ and Toadie. I'll let everyone know tonight how it went. I guess it's going to be a busy evening...grocery store...home...meeting...dinner at 7ish...and planning for the next day!

Jillian2563

And now I'm hungry. Great

ZetaP38

Buttered toast and crunchy peanut butter is good. <s>

I can usually find *something* to eat rather than go to the grocery story hungry, that's for sure!

I'm still a pretty good procrastinator when it comes to grocery shopping anyway - usually running out of coffee does the trick. <bg>

PJ