Crossfitdad

So my brother just graduated with his masters. Everything looks great. I get a call today from a client and family friend that said my brother is using a lot of coke and Mollie. It's concerning, but also my brother told me one time when he was drunk that he did coke once. Plus, his ex girlfriend's mom told my mom he was a coke addict. Then about six months ago he used Mollie or some type of mdma stuff.

So, all these things together lead me to believe he's using. I don't care much about the Mollie, but the coke worries me big time. I don't know anything about drugs. Can someone be a coke addict and not use all the time? I ask because he goes home every now and then and doesn't use. Plus he's brilliant and an engineer. I think he's been using for at least 3 years.

We are confronting him today. Letting him know we love him and it's a judgment free zone. Is this something one can kick on their own or is rehab necessary?

Tia

Anna

Hi Tia,

I'm sorry for the situation with your brother.

Has your brother said that he was seeking support and trying to stop using drugs? If not, there will not be much you can do, unless and until he is ready to make a change.

Crossfitdad

He's a good kid, but he's a follower and the university he went to is full of kids from rich families with little parental involvement. If you've ever read Less than Zero you know the type. I'm hoping he wants help.

Ps: Tia means thanks in advance

PurpleKnight

Very sorry to hear about the situation with your brother, it can't be easy!!

But you'll find loads of support here on SR!!

ScottFromWI

You can certainly offer support but you can't always expect an addict to accept it..even from family. At the end of the day he will need to decide if he's an addict and if he wants to seek help for it. That's great that you are being open and non judgmental, just don't be surprised if he pushes back.

doggonecarl

From what you've said, much of this information seems second or third hand. Maybe you have more knowledge about his use than you are posting, but how do you know he's a coke addict?

Not condoning drug use. For one matter it's illegal and getting busted with cocaine is serious and can ruin his future.

But making poor choices and using drugs, even abusing drugs, is far different from being addicted to them.

Nuudawn

I am curious as to who you mean when you say "we". Are you staging some sort of intervention? I am wondering (and since the information is not direct or firsthand) if that maybe a brother to brother conversation might be a little less...threatening ..less like an ambush where he may shut down and get defensive. I'm just thinking you might want to let him know what you heard and your care and concern about it..might be easier for him to deal with.

thomas11

If be was addicted, you'd know. If he was using recreationally, even a lot, you may not know. Either way, some people can function at a high level using cocaine. Look at people on wall street. But eventually it will catch up with him, just like any hard drug.

FreeOwl

I did coke and mdma for several years. Lots of other stuff too. I was and still am pretty darn smart. I've maintained a high paying, professional leadership career. I've been successful by many measures.

I've also suffered with addiction for decades.

Thankfully it didn't ruin me.... But I wonder how much more my life would have been

It's different for everyone of course. But the common factor is that unless and until the individual comes to accept that he or she wants to be free from addiction... There's really nothing to be done about it.

Have you talked to your brother about this deeply and with loving concern?

FreeOwl

Sorry... I just re-read your post and saw you're going to confront him.... I wish you love and comfort and strength.

Crossfitdad

Well, we had an intervention of sorts. We expressed to him that we knew Nd that we were there for him and would get any help he needed. He admitted to my parents and me about prior drug use (which was huge if you knew my parents) but said that was all in the past. Said he was not addicted and maybe did it 10-15 times over the past 4 years.

Turns out this kid who was running the rumor has problems of his own.

Time will tell.

I have no other reason but to believe him as he's never lied to me before.

FreeOwl

It's good you all took that step. If it's all in the past, all you've really done is shown him you love him, care for him, accept him and are there for him.

If it's not and there are further struggles ahead... Then this will one day be an important milestone in his own journey of awareness and hopefully acceptance that we who struggle with addiction invariably go through.

Either way, well done to you and your family for having a conversation that is all too often avoided.

Soberwolf

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