thomas11

2 muchpain, I agree. Its an annual event so I've got plenty more of them to attend.

CaseyW

You're on the right path, Jeff. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to come in here and express how you're feeling. It's a huge step for yourself and a big help to many others as well.

Sounds like that neighborhood party will be recurring annually for years and years to come, it'll be there waiting for you when you're a little more comfortable with your sobriety. Put your recovery first today, Jeff. You can do this. One day at a time, keep on keeping on.

Wishing you the best today...have a safe and sober Saturday.

thomas11

Hey Soberpotemous "What exactly aren't you being allowed to do? Do you mean drinking? Are you kind of angry with yourself right now for not allowing yourself to drink? Feeling deprived? That's what I'm getting from what you wrote. "

Thanks for this, and yes you are pretty much spot-on in your assessment. I am whining in regards to the drinking part The other issue.... I am angry with the liars, irresponsibility and lazyiness (which is a seperate issue altogether). But combined, they had me a little miffed last night.

thomas11

Hi Scott, I appreciate what you are saying, but I disagree a bit. I'm not trying to outmuscle my addiction and cleverly trying to find an excuse to get drunk. I compartmentalize pretty well. They are completely separate issues.
I guess I look at the macho talk a little differently. I don't view it as macho talk, its my responsibility, its part of MY job to make sure others do THEIR job. It may have come across as macho talk, but that was not my intent. In my line of work, we don't always say please and thank you. Its just a reality.

silentrun

I think if you were to go you would notice not as many people hit the booze like we think they do. You would probably see the majority of people nursing a beer over an hour or more. I used to think everyone was tipsy come closing time at the bar, then I got a late night call for a ride. Nope, everyone else was sober except my friends.
I would hold off on crawling up anyone's rear end right now. The ass will still be there to crawl up later. Right now, being newly sober, the less drama you can involve yourself in the better.

Soberwolf

I wouldnt go to a street party in early sobriety Thomas especially if its a drinkfest

If the main motive of the street party is to have a drink fest would you really want to be around all that

Im well glad ive left all that behind & im sure some part of you knows that too

Like you said you have to be somewhere monday right ?

Keep on keeping on & msg me anytime youl like if your craving or urging (im not saying you are btw)

thomas11

I am going to try and address some comments with one response as opposed to quoting everyone. I completely agree with what soberpotemas said.

Venecia, you are right about listening to the seasoned vets. What I did not realize is that when I posted it was likely my AV doing the talking...and quite honestly I was completely oblivious to that. I thought I was just pi$$ed off.

MOS, I'm aware it was a tantrum, I just had the guts (or stupidity) to post it. Writing is therapeutic for me and I feel comfortable posting here as opposed to say...facebook or something.

letitgo, I'll admit I felt like I was being pecked at a little bit, but that's why we are here right? To get the cold hard facts, and the non-sugarcoated TRUTH.
I don't have to like it, but I accept it.

Flynbuy, I am sober and I did not wake up with a hangover this morning or full of regrets, and I won't tomorrow either. But in that fleeting moment, tying one on sounded like the perfect solution.

time4changeinWI. I don't like admitting the selfishness in myself that is exactly what you describe. All the surroundings are just ambiance, I want my buzz dammit.

dwtbd: You said ok now bring on the irritation AV, but what of it? If drinking isn't even remotely a possible solution to end the irritation, the irritation will lose its power. I understand it, but it is beyond the scope of my current knowledge of alcoholism, disease or whatever we choose to call it. But I'm going to remember what you said.

thomas11

You may be blunt or whatever else you would like. I would tend to disagree with you regarding looking in the mirror. I often do a self inventory, I try and keep an eye on my moral compass. I make a conscious effort to be acutely aware of both the good things and bad things I do daily and have done in the past. Since this is an internet forum, none of us have a baseline measurement on one another (only what we admit to on this board). I can assure you, I am a much better and more caring person that I have been in the past. Am I perfect? What do you think? Of course not.

Eddiebuckle

It took me a while in sobriety to come to the conclusion that it wasn't that I lacked choices, it was that I didn't like the choices I had to make. Sobriety is not an a la carte menu. I couldn't be committed to my sobriety and hang out in the same places doing the same things I did "back in the day." When I got real clear on the fact that I wanted my sobriety and was willing to make those choices without regret or reluctance I began to lose that "restless irritable and discontent" outlook.

Look on the bright side, you got here before the invitations to "social" parties and your career faded away. That's a pretty good place to start, given what addiction will eventually do if left to its devices.

Saskia

Thomas, I also hope you'll skip the event this year. Early-ish sobriety can at times be he!!. I've felt frustrated occasionally about not being able to drink. In August I'll reach one year sober and for me the difference between how I felt in the early months and now is huge. I no longer think I can drink socially - I know absolutely that I can't. Sometimes we just need to be kind to ourselves and accept ourselves the way we are.

Soberpotamus

Good It probably is a much safer and more appropriate place than Facebook to flesh these things out. Keep writing. Talking it out, talking your way through can help. I did a lot of this early on. Sometimes the feedback will be on the harsh side, but listen to those people too. I found that some of the things that hurt to hear helped me later on. Those words stayed with me and when the time came, I was able to process it and accept things more easily.

sobriiestote

Thomas / Jeff you are so ahead of me but I relate to you...

I am pissed as I type.

I don't want to stop drinking.

I do want to stop drinking.

I hate being out of control and having to check Facebook, YouTube, email etc the next morning to see what I did...

But I do it again night after night....

Maybe me talking to u, you can tell me it's worth stopping? Because at the moment if feels like u can't see the advantage of having stopped....

And I can't even see the advantage to stop?

Jesus Christ, damn this "legal" high, am getting out of my depth..

thomas11

HI foreverfuzzy, I will defer to others as to whether or not its worth stopping and ultimately that is a decision for you to make. I will use Dee as an example (hope you don't mind Dee), ask him if it is worth it. He has been through it, and as a moderator has read tens of thousands of posts, so his perspective is pretty damn good.

I guess what I CAN tell you is that it is better to quit when you WANT to, than quitting because you HAVE to because you are dying. In the brief time I have been sober, I have seen enough benefits to tell you that you will not regret it and the quality if your life will improve. Keep us posted, I wish you the best.

Dee74

I replied to you on your own thread Fuzzy.

Getting sober is the most worthwhile thing I have ever done.

It was terrifying, yes, and a huge leap of faith...but it's not really that much of a gamble. Others have made that leap before you.

I rediscovered the real me.
I have a life I love now.

I'm glad I stuck with it

D