Not a happy camper
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Not a happy camper
I try to be pretty positive when I am here. But I also believe in being realistic. Let's face it, not everything is a bed of roses in life. I'm not happy tonight because I do not like liars, I do not like people being irresponsible and I do not like not being allowed to do what I want. There are things that have happened recently that have built up and I'm going to do something about it. And its not going to be pretty for those involved.
I also am a little bummed out about tomorrow. We have our annual neighborhood party tomorrow. Truth is, its a drink-fest, with catered food and on the beach. Good time. I do remember a stretch where I attended and got pretty drunk, but so does everyone. Nevertheless, I probably drank too much and did the things people usually do when they drink too much (for me its talk too much and be immature). But the last 3 years I've gone and yes I have drank, but I clearly remember being very in control and seeing other neighbors being very out of control. Well, I would like nothing more than to go down there tomorrow with my wife and enjoy visiting and being social. Ya know "catch up" with them. I think that is reasonable. Its not that I can't drink, but I won't, I know that much. But I do think subconsciously its irritating me. To sum it up, I need to start kicking some people's a$$es and I need to be on the job to do it (and I'm not supposed to be). Add to this the party thing, and it has put me in a foul mood. I don't believe I'm asking too much, but I feel restricted, and I don't deal with that well.
I also am a little bummed out about tomorrow. We have our annual neighborhood party tomorrow. Truth is, its a drink-fest, with catered food and on the beach. Good time. I do remember a stretch where I attended and got pretty drunk, but so does everyone. Nevertheless, I probably drank too much and did the things people usually do when they drink too much (for me its talk too much and be immature). But the last 3 years I've gone and yes I have drank, but I clearly remember being very in control and seeing other neighbors being very out of control. Well, I would like nothing more than to go down there tomorrow with my wife and enjoy visiting and being social. Ya know "catch up" with them. I think that is reasonable. Its not that I can't drink, but I won't, I know that much. But I do think subconsciously its irritating me. To sum it up, I need to start kicking some people's a$$es and I need to be on the job to do it (and I'm not supposed to be). Add to this the party thing, and it has put me in a foul mood. I don't believe I'm asking too much, but I feel restricted, and I don't deal with that well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
May I be blunt? You are not a happy camper in many situations. Re-read your posts. So I am thinking that the culprit is not others or situations, but rather within you. Take a look inside. Good night.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
I can pick out a few occasions when I drank like a gentleman too - but that's the bait and switch of alcoholism Jeff - there were hundreds, if not thousands of times, I lost it completely....
I saw in your other thread you said you thought you must have chosen your words poorly.
I don't think you did.
The reason why folks like me latch on to statements like these
is not because we doubt your sincerity or commitment to sobriety, but because it's clearly your AV (or inner addict or evil you, or whatever you want to call it) at work trying to undermine all the good work you've put in.
I know you're putting a lot of effort into just not drinking, but I wonder what you're doing to counteract the lies that seem to effortlessly come unchallenged into your brain?
The AV will use your pride or your frustration if it can't get you with cravings.
Ask me how I know
D
I saw in your other thread you said you thought you must have chosen your words poorly.
I don't think you did.
The reason why folks like me latch on to statements like these
I clearly remember being very in control and seeing other neighbors being very out of control.
I know you're putting a lot of effort into just not drinking, but I wonder what you're doing to counteract the lies that seem to effortlessly come unchallenged into your brain?
The AV will use your pride or your frustration if it can't get you with cravings.
Ask me how I know
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Originally Posted by thomas11 
I try to be pretty positive when I am here. But I also believe in being realistic. Let's face it, not everything is a bed of roses in life. I'm not happy because I do not like liars, I do not like people being irresponsible and I do not like not being allowed to do what I want. There are things that have happened recently that have built up and I'm going to do something about it. And its not going to be pretty for those involved.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Hi Thomas-
Being irritated that I can't/ won't drink meant I still had not accepted the fact I will never drink again. When I was still mad at 'it' (sobriety) I was ticked off at the world, for not being able to drink 'normally'.
That's me. I kept going back to having a couple (often socially) and then into full blown relapse eventually when not being able to / choosing not to drink made me mad.
I guess it came down to a point where I had to ask myself, do I want to be sober more than I want to drink? I've heard this over and over from those with a good amount of sober time- it makes a ton of sense to me.
Being irritated that I can't/ won't drink meant I still had not accepted the fact I will never drink again. When I was still mad at 'it' (sobriety) I was ticked off at the world, for not being able to drink 'normally'.
That's me. I kept going back to having a couple (often socially) and then into full blown relapse eventually when not being able to / choosing not to drink made me mad.
I guess it came down to a point where I had to ask myself, do I want to be sober more than I want to drink? I've heard this over and over from those with a good amount of sober time- it makes a ton of sense to me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
well, I hope I'm not reprimanded for saying this, but I haven't done this before, ok? I'm learning as I go. I got the drinking part down pretty good. Its what I'm doing now that I'm no expert at. And if I say things that are floundering, poorly worded or make people doubt my sincerity, well then I apologize. That is why I intentionally try to avoid offering advice, only encouragement. Because I don't know what I am doing.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
What exactly aren't you being allowed to do? Do you mean drinking? Are you kind of angry with yourself right now for not allowing yourself to drink? Feeling deprived? That's what I'm getting from what you wrote.
In my own experience, I found that I had to learn to replace the drinking with other things. I mean, eventually At first it was enough that I was just not drinking. But then I had to find something to focus on. I had to have little things to look forward to instead of the wine bottle.
It really can be tough at first. It's a hard habit to break; so hard in fact that many never break it. Keep in mind that to "not drink" is what will keep you alive. With each passing day, you will become more grateful for being sober, for another day of life. It sounds cliche, but it's true.
Maybe try and think of it as allowing yourself the chance to live - to have a better life - rather than feeling like you aren't allowed to drink.
It's a perspective shift. A subtle one at first. But it really can make all the difference.
In my own experience, I found that I had to learn to replace the drinking with other things. I mean, eventually
At first it was enough that I was just not drinking. But then I had to find something to focus on. I had to have little things to look forward to instead of the wine bottle. It really can be tough at first. It's a hard habit to break; so hard in fact that many never break it. Keep in mind that to "not drink" is what will keep you alive. With each passing day, you will become more grateful for being sober, for another day of life. It sounds cliche, but it's true.
Maybe try and think of it as allowing yourself the chance to live - to have a better life - rather than feeling like you aren't allowed to drink.
It's a perspective shift. A subtle one at first. But it really can make all the difference.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Soberpotamus has some really good insight there, Jeff. In fact, I'd print out her observations and keep them in your wallet to read from time to time.
Emotions can run high on SR, as they do in real life.
From where I sit, I don't think you need to apologize. You're right -- this sobriety thing was new to all of us at one point. And kudos: You have offered kind words here many times.
One of the things that's important -- early in sobriety, but continuing as sobriety deepens, too -- is to trust what some of our seasoned vets tell us. Dee knows his stuff. Our AV is just waiting to trick us with all kinds of false messages. I know for me, just as an example, one of the most valuable things I learned from Dee is that around that in the first few months, that false voice tries to tell us that we "must not have really had a problem if we can go X amount of time without drinking." Hearing that really helped me look at things in clear focus.
We also need to be careful about anger. It can be one heck of a trigger. You're going to have to learn to deal with it without alcohol, but more power to you for putting yourself out there and describing the problem.
Back to Soberpotamus's post. I think shifting your perspective will be really valuable for you, Jeff. When we stop thinking about this whole sobriety thing as "stuff I can't do anymore when everyone else around me can" and start looking at it as freedom from a liquid that did us no good, everything changes. And I really mean that. Everything changes when we start living in the solution.
Emotions can run high on SR, as they do in real life.
From where I sit, I don't think you need to apologize. You're right -- this sobriety thing was new to all of us at one point. And kudos: You have offered kind words here many times.
One of the things that's important -- early in sobriety, but continuing as sobriety deepens, too -- is to trust what some of our seasoned vets tell us. Dee knows his stuff. Our AV is just waiting to trick us with all kinds of false messages. I know for me, just as an example, one of the most valuable things I learned from Dee is that around that in the first few months, that false voice tries to tell us that we "must not have really had a problem if we can go X amount of time without drinking." Hearing that really helped me look at things in clear focus.
We also need to be careful about anger. It can be one heck of a trigger. You're going to have to learn to deal with it without alcohol, but more power to you for putting yourself out there and describing the problem.
Back to Soberpotamus's post. I think shifting your perspective will be really valuable for you, Jeff. When we stop thinking about this whole sobriety thing as "stuff I can't do anymore when everyone else around me can" and start looking at it as freedom from a liquid that did us no good, everything changes. And I really mean that. Everything changes when we start living in the solution.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Maybe this is an annual drink-fest you should skip. Just say you're sick, or have another engagement or something. John
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by thomas11
Its not that I can't drink, but I won't, I know that much.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
This is a tantrum, an AV tantrum. Sometimes it's easy to just chuck it and say to hell with sobriety, I don't care what happens tomorrow. And in the moment that's true enough. But when tomorrow comes you're generally sorry because things are even worse than they were before.
It's hard to stay the course and sometimes it's hard to have faith or hope in a better tomorrow. I get that. Hell, sometimes I feel like that too. In those moments I just remind myself that I stay sober because it's the right thing to do. To do the right thing without any other reward than the satisfaction of doing the right thing is sometimes all there is. I trust in the process of doing the right thing for the right reason. I don't always get a cookie or a pat on the head but in general terms it keeps me moving forward.
It's hard to stay the course and sometimes it's hard to have faith or hope in a better tomorrow. I get that. Hell, sometimes I feel like that too. In those moments I just remind myself that I stay sober because it's the right thing to do. To do the right thing without any other reward than the satisfaction of doing the right thing is sometimes all there is. I trust in the process of doing the right thing for the right reason. I don't always get a cookie or a pat on the head but in general terms it keeps me moving forward.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
I can really relate to this, not the circumstances, but the frustration and the unhappiness / anger. I'm new at all this too and not finding every day easy, far from it some days. HOWEVER....... how will having a drink help anything? Simple question, but it's keeping me sober right now.
Take good care and try to remember what all the more experienced folk keep saying, "It gets better".
xx
Take good care and try to remember what all the more experienced folk keep saying, "It gets better".
xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I think that it is a good thing that you post about your struggle with your AV. In my opinion part of overcoming the addiction is by challenging the thought processes that cause the addiction, which you are doing by going through them and writing about them.
MOS is right it does sound like your AV is having a tantrum. Mine had a few too, but I ended up letting it win and drank. In the morning I was still an alcoholic but I also had a hangover and hated myself.
MOS is right it does sound like your AV is having a tantrum. Mine had a few too, but I ended up letting it win and drank. In the morning I was still an alcoholic but I also had a hangover and hated myself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Soberpotamus, Venecia, Scott from Wi and Mythofsisphus. Really great thoughts here. I copied your comments for future reminders.
It feels like you guys are attacking poor Thomas. That's my AV talking. Ah the tricks of this habit. In reality you are just saying we are all here because we recognize an issue with alcohol. The AV is blocking us from freedom and clarity. If we just stay sober we won't have any more alcohol caused issues. This really is life or death for some/all of us. But to reach that clarity we need to first get/stay sober and then change our go to mentality with healthy ways of coping. Also need to realize we only missing terrible consequences if we drink. Seems so straight forward to type but actions are the only thing that counts. Again really great comments. Thanks to you all on here.
It feels like you guys are attacking poor Thomas. That's my AV talking. Ah the tricks of this habit. In reality you are just saying we are all here because we recognize an issue with alcohol. The AV is blocking us from freedom and clarity. If we just stay sober we won't have any more alcohol caused issues. This really is life or death for some/all of us. But to reach that clarity we need to first get/stay sober and then change our go to mentality with healthy ways of coping. Also need to realize we only missing terrible consequences if we drink. Seems so straight forward to type but actions are the only thing that counts. Again really great comments. Thanks to you all on here.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by thomas11
I try to be pretty positive when I am here. But I also believe in being realistic. Let's face it, not everything is a bed of roses in life. I'm not happy tonight.
I had to understand that mad, glad, happy or sad drinking was done - Once I accept this I move on to the solution.
Are you in the solution or still pontificating in the problem??
Come join us in the solution, please
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: WI
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by thomas11
well, I hope I'm not reprimanded for saying this, but I haven't done this before, ok? I'm learning as I go. I got the drinking part down pretty good. Its what I'm doing now that I'm no expert at. And if I say things that are floundering, poorly worded or make people doubt my sincerity, well then I apologize. That is why I intentionally try to avoid offering advice, only encouragement. Because I don't know what I am doing.
I realize I can't have that first drink. Let me have anything else first...then, focus on why I'm there to be with friends/family. Enjoy the moment. I'm learning to live life with my inner critic, my crazy emotions, etc. and just be present. Good luck. I hope you decide what it is that you want. We are here for you.
Trust me. The anger of not being able to drink is high from time-to-time. But I realize, that is my inner child saying why not me! I want that too. I am trying to grow-up and make a more rational/sober decision on what I want...to socialize and embrace the emotional roller coaster of life.
(Sorry...went a bit too philosophical there.)
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Not as a reprimand or coming from a place of chastising, as I too am just a guy on a forum about quitting, but could the irritation be a subconscious (AV) generated "problem" looking for a solution? Our rational selves know a drinking session would most likely not end well or be an isolated one-off , but our thought patterns from an irrational perspective disregard that and offer that possibility.
Everyone will be drinking, it's just for today, I've stopped before, the momentary break will be just that...ect. The common thread there is that a problem exists around not drinking and the solution is to indulge the addiction(even just once) justified by myriad rationalizations. The best defense I know to combat the irritation, is to explicitly take alcohol consumption off the table. "I won't ( I choose not to) drink, no matter what" ok now bring on the irritation AV, but what of it? If drinking isn't even remotely a possible solution to end the irritation, the irritation will lose its power. The irritation is generated based on the idea that some where in some degree the possibility of drinking is present . And all that is needed is the right justification for it, even if it's I wasn't strong enough , I messed up but really just because wow look at that situation and all the temptations, who could blame me ?
You may regret not enjoying a nice day at the beach, but nowhere near as much as setting your self up for a list of justifications while the possibility is still rattling around .
Everyone will be drinking, it's just for today, I've stopped before, the momentary break will be just that...ect. The common thread there is that a problem exists around not drinking and the solution is to indulge the addiction(even just once) justified by myriad rationalizations. The best defense I know to combat the irritation, is to explicitly take alcohol consumption off the table. "I won't ( I choose not to) drink, no matter what" ok now bring on the irritation AV, but what of it? If drinking isn't even remotely a possible solution to end the irritation, the irritation will lose its power. The irritation is generated based on the idea that some where in some degree the possibility of drinking is present . And all that is needed is the right justification for it, even if it's I wasn't strong enough , I messed up but really just because wow look at that situation and all the temptations, who could blame me ?
You may regret not enjoying a nice day at the beach, but nowhere near as much as setting your self up for a list of justifications while the possibility is still rattling around .
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
