juliemacw

MY husband drinks 4 to 6 times a week after work. He works late in restaurant biz. Only on Day 2 but wondering how couples can make it if one stops and one doesn't. He rolled over and I smelled the horrible old liquor smell. It is definitely a turnoff. He is functioning as I was and will never stop. Anyone in similar situation? Thanks

Anna

Hi Julie,

There are many instances when one partner stops drinking and the other doesn't. Of course, it doesn't makes things easier, but it can be done. And, it's possible that your husband will see the positive changes in you and follow suit.

want2feelGood

hi. i have a boyfriend that i believe is an alcoholic and im trying to get healthy and sober and he will never stop i know that for sure. i dont live with him but we spend every night together. he used to drink at least 6 pack every night. i told him i want to reduce our drinking during the week so he is down to one or two. i have managed to not drink at all during the week. even just that one beer smells so gross!!! stale old beer, it makes me sick! i understand. i am trying to be clean and sober and have to smell him all night. weekends he will start drinking by noon and not stop until he has passed out in the evenings. snores really bad when he has been drinking so i ask him to roll over so he doesnt snore then in his drunken state he starts to yell at me!! sorry, thats a whole long other story. also, it gets very annoying to be around him when he drinks so much, i looks gross, spit forms side of his mouth, slurs his words, just isnt himself. i am very very sad since i have been trying to get healthy because i am starting to realize i will have to leave him becuase he is not healthy for me i dont want to leave, i love him, so, i dont know if it can work out either. sorry i didnt give advice, but i am in the same situation wondering if it can work.

least

Having a partner who still drinks make it more difficult, but it can still be done, depending on how badly you want to get sober.

Soberintexas007

I am in this same situation. I am trying to stay sober yet he still drinks and is functional. Yes, it can work if the sober partner wants sobriety enough. But I think it begins to wear on the sober partner because he or she wants a sober lifestyle yet his or her partner is constantly bringing alcohol into the picture. It's a tough life, and I am beginning to realize that. I very much care about the well-being of my drinking spouse, but at the expense of my own well-being? That is the dilemma. Life can be very complicated.

Sorry you are having to go through this. We are on the same boat.

gettingsmarter

Hi Julie,

My husband drinks every week night but just a couple(weekends are different). You just have to really want to be sober. Our relationship is different now. Now that I actually initiate cleaning the house and doing the chores he seems to like it. I have asked him to not offer it to me and I refuse to make/get him a drink. He has been a good sport. Stay strong Julie.

The sleeping alcohol breath in bed is nasty I have to agree.

Soberintexas007

You bring up a good point. I think another factor depends on HOW MUCH and HOW OFTEN your drinking spouse is drinking. In your situation, it seems like your husband is a pretty moderate drinker (2 drinks each weeknight), and then does not really drink on the weekends (at least that is what I assume as you did not really specify). This situation would be okay with me as well, as I don't really get triggered when he has three or four beers on a weeknight. But my husband drinks NONSTOP on the weekends and that becomes difficult for me, in which everything we do together he is drinking. For example, yesterday we were 15 minutes early to a movie, so in his mind that was enough time for him to have a drink at a nearby restaurant, whereas in my mind that should be 15 minutes of sober time because we are early to a movie.

Soberintexas007

I also wanted to bring up this important point as well. Even though I think my husband's drinking is a main reason of why I have relapsed in the past (I really do feel that I could have stayed sober longer if I had more of his support), in the end I AM THE ONE WHO CHOSE TO DRINK and so I cannot put that blame on anyone. Even though I think my husband has a negative influence on me, I am the one choosing to remain in this relationship, and so it is therefore important for me to accept any responsibility if my life does not turn out how I want it to.

Quirky

I am pretty much n the same boat. My husband drinks every night, but doesn't really get drunk. I guess his tolerance is high. He drinks whiskey and I only drank white wine, so I am not tempted by WHAT he is drinking, but have to fight the temptation to join him.
It would certainly be easier if we were doing this together for sure. Hoping he will want to stop drinking too, but it has to be his idea. I have my hands full just trying to manage myself... Good luck to you all..we can do this.

Ruby2

My husband and I are both alcoholics. We both relapsed in August 2013. In December 2013, I got sober while he was actively drinking. He followed, then relapsed again before Christmas last year. I did not relapse. Haven't relapsed. It is difficult but not impossible if you keep reminding yourself that you are quitting for you, not him. You can do it.

Surrender2win

I am in the same boat as Ruby2. Both of us are alcoholics. I want to be sober and he does not. I am on day 16 now and feel so much better. At times it is very difficult, especially when he comes in the house after a drinking binge and just reeks of beer. Ugh. But I have to remind myself that I am doing this for me. I made the choice to become sober. I can only hope he joins me some day.

Good luck on your journey. We are all in this together

Soberintexas007

Good job in staying strong. I would be happier if my husband only drank at night. I feel the most vulnerable when he is drinking the entire day during our off days together. This is beginning not to be fun for me anymore.

Soberintexas007

Good job also in staying strong while you have a drinking spouse. But wouldn't it be so much better if we all had sober spouses?

juliemacw

That's exactly what I'm afraid of...I'm going to start not liking him and want to be with someone going the same direction. Thanks all. I don't feel so alone after hearing your responses

Thepatman

It is Possible as other indicated. But to be honest, I personally couldn't.
My sober self is just incompatible with party people.

Soberintexas007

Exactly, Julie. And that is what I am afraid of as well. I consider myself a very loyal wife, but if he continues this behavior, I am going to lose interest in him. And if I also go to AA, wouldn't it be normal for me to begin to gain interest in someone going in the same direction as me? But then I would feel so guilty...

Soberintexas007

Yes, this is it.

Soberintexas007

And, by the way, this is exactly what everyone means by codependent behavior (as many people get confused by the definition). When we begin to take care of others at the expense of our own lives, we are seen as being codependent.

Inchworm

Hi, soberintexas. My husband drinks wee bits of wine for several hours every night. He used to drink a lot more, but now he is drinking moderately. I cannot moderate and the question will remain whether he can do so for any real length of time. I am focusing on me and thankful that he is not in total denial.

Soberintexas007

Thank you for your post. My first question to you would be if his "moderate" drinking affects you in any way? Are you still able to stay sober despite this "moderate" drinking?

Also, you then said that you are thankful that he is not in total denial. Can you explain what you mean by this?