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Gazing out across shameful streets

Old 05-18-2015, 06:21 PM
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Gazing out across shameful streets

On the road for work and I stand on the 21st floor looking out my hotel window across a city in which I had a bunch of drunken adventures I'm not proud of.

Driving these streets from the hotel I passed bars and restaurants and liquor stores and hotels all with half-memories of a man I was.... A man who made really poor decisions and did hurtful things and acted against the values of the man I am....

It can be cathartic to visit these places. Tonight I'll spend a little time in self forgiveness and I'll ask for the forgiveness of Spirit and I'll make this trip an example of the man that I am by honoring my values and my sobriety and making peace with that guy who I was back then.

We can't take back the things we did, can't undo the actions or send the memories back, but we CAN choose to put those behind us and to continue on in life in a richer, deeper, honorable way that we can feel joyful and proud of.

#soberliferocks
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Old 05-18-2015, 06:26 PM
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Wonderful post, FreeOwl. Forgiving myself was very difficult & I was haunted by fuzzy memories. I decided if I couldn't move past the pain I'd be destined to fall back on my old way of coping. Alcohol turned me into a reckless stranger - she's not likely to make another appearance.
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Old 05-18-2015, 06:33 PM
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Beautiful stuff. Thank you FreeOwl
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Old 05-18-2015, 06:46 PM
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Nice post! I struggle with forgiving myself.
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Old 05-18-2015, 06:51 PM
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Thank You Free Owl
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Old 05-18-2015, 06:58 PM
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You just summed it up FO. Thanks for sharing
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Old 05-18-2015, 07:01 PM
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Great post Thank you
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Old 05-18-2015, 07:07 PM
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Loved reading your words tonight.
Thanks for sharing!
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Old 05-19-2015, 12:28 PM
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So... cool story;

This morning I get up and hit the trail early to run around the lake here in the downtown area. About mile 5, running the other direction on his morning run - happens to be my boss's boss.

I shouted a good morning to him and he stopped, surprised to see me since I'm from another state.

We had a nice chat... both agreeing that starting a day off with a run is the best proactive stress relief and happiness boost there is.

Those shameful memories are behind me.... and I suppose a chance encounter with one of my execs along his morning run is a pretty darn fine sign that I'm on the right path.

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Old 05-19-2015, 02:27 PM
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Just love this! Thanks for sharing! Top stuff!
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Old 05-19-2015, 03:20 PM
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You're winning FreeOwl.
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Old 05-19-2015, 03:27 PM
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How blessed you/we/all of us are to have found a path to sobriety and recovery.

It is hard to imagine you, FreeOwl, as anything other than the insightful, wise, moral and ethical man we know from these SR threads.
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Old 05-19-2015, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberLeigh View Post
How blessed you/we/all of us are to have found a path to sobriety and recovery. It is hard to imagine you, FreeOwl, as anything other than the insightful, wise, moral and ethical man we know from these SR threads.
well, thank you... That feels good to hear....

And yet, I was an insightful, wise, moral and ethical man who frequently didn't honor those parts of myself for too long in this life....

Grateful those days are behind me.
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Old 05-19-2015, 06:16 PM
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Hey FreeOwl

Thanks for the post.

It reminded me of the same thing when I went back to one of the cities I lived in whilst actively drinking. I also went to AA there and essentially told my then sponsor to drop dead. Fast forward about 12 months and I am back in that city with all the horrible drunken memories. I revisited my old haunts thinking I would be overcome but surprisingly felt nothing except some distant regret. The hardest was going back to the rooms. Some folks vaguely remembered me but that was all. I managed to become comfortable back in those rooms again.

Its such a sharp contrast between then and now...
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Old 05-19-2015, 06:22 PM
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I struggle with this a lot. Thoughts come up about the awful things I did while drunk, things I did to family, things I said etc. Those feelings does make me feel lesser of a person than my spouse etc. I'm working on accepting that I can't change the past. I can only make sure that I don't drink and screw up in the future.
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