Hello there, I'm brand new
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 1
Hello there, I'm brand new
Hi there,
I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. Where to begin? A little history, I guess ... but warning, I'm long-winded!
Well, my parents were alcoholics and my Dad went to AA when I was about 10, I think. He didn't stick with it for very long though. Ultimately, he started drinking again, but never heavily. And then, he passed away from a heart attack when I was 15. So, I knew a bit about alcoholism even as a child.
When I was 20, I moved to the US and by the time I was 21, I was worried about my own drinking. While I didn't drink daily, I'd never done shots before and was having bad hangovers and not remembering things. So, I went to AA for about a year or so. The "God" stuff always bothered me though. I stopped going to meetings, and went back to drinking in moderation. I did well for a time, I guess.
And then, I started doing what seems to be my pattern, binge drinking again. So, I went back to AA meetings when I was 25, almost 26. That time, I lasted almost 5 years, worked all the steps, even chaired my own meeting for a time. I had some bad things happen in meetings (some bad members) that really put me off AA and the "God" stuff got to me again. I stopped going to meetings. I was 30, almost 31 by then.
I didn't start drinking for quite some time, but when I did, it was kept pretty well in check for a very long time. I literally drank in moderation. The people in AA had always said that wasn't possible and if you went back out there, you didn't just go back to where you left off, but you went to where you would have been if you'd continued drinking. So, of course, I decided that I had never been an alcoholic in the first place.
And to be honest, I'm still not really sure that I an actual alcoholic at age 49, almost 50. But, what I do know is that I have a HUGE problem binge drinking, and I know that my problem stems from the first drink. It's exceptionally rare that I can just have one or even two. I can go days or even weeks (sometimes) without a drink. But once I have one, I have to drink a bottle or two or maybe even three. And I know that it's gotten significantly worse recently. If I start drinking on a Friday, I'm going to get drunk and I'll wake up with a hangover on Saturday and need a drink to get through that. I will then get drunk again on Saturday night. If I need a "cure" on Sunday morning, I still seem to have enough control to know that I need to stop and sober up before Sunday night, so I can go to work on Monday.
When I drink, I'm a lot of fun and happy ... until the end of the night, it seems. By then, I sometimes get angry for no reason, when I hit fresh air, according to my boyfriend. Or, I fall down.
And almost every weekend, it starts all over again. I was really drunk last Friday night. I drank enough just to handle the hangover on Saturday night. And I drank a bit on Sunday. And then, I decided "I'm done with this. I don't even like the taste anymore, or the way it makes me feel."
So, I'm here, starting this journey for the 3rd time in my life. Thanks for having me.
I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. Where to begin? A little history, I guess ... but warning, I'm long-winded!
Well, my parents were alcoholics and my Dad went to AA when I was about 10, I think. He didn't stick with it for very long though. Ultimately, he started drinking again, but never heavily. And then, he passed away from a heart attack when I was 15. So, I knew a bit about alcoholism even as a child.
When I was 20, I moved to the US and by the time I was 21, I was worried about my own drinking. While I didn't drink daily, I'd never done shots before and was having bad hangovers and not remembering things. So, I went to AA for about a year or so. The "God" stuff always bothered me though. I stopped going to meetings, and went back to drinking in moderation. I did well for a time, I guess.
And then, I started doing what seems to be my pattern, binge drinking again. So, I went back to AA meetings when I was 25, almost 26. That time, I lasted almost 5 years, worked all the steps, even chaired my own meeting for a time. I had some bad things happen in meetings (some bad members) that really put me off AA and the "God" stuff got to me again. I stopped going to meetings. I was 30, almost 31 by then.
I didn't start drinking for quite some time, but when I did, it was kept pretty well in check for a very long time. I literally drank in moderation. The people in AA had always said that wasn't possible and if you went back out there, you didn't just go back to where you left off, but you went to where you would have been if you'd continued drinking. So, of course, I decided that I had never been an alcoholic in the first place.
And to be honest, I'm still not really sure that I an actual alcoholic at age 49, almost 50. But, what I do know is that I have a HUGE problem binge drinking, and I know that my problem stems from the first drink. It's exceptionally rare that I can just have one or even two. I can go days or even weeks (sometimes) without a drink. But once I have one, I have to drink a bottle or two or maybe even three. And I know that it's gotten significantly worse recently. If I start drinking on a Friday, I'm going to get drunk and I'll wake up with a hangover on Saturday and need a drink to get through that. I will then get drunk again on Saturday night. If I need a "cure" on Sunday morning, I still seem to have enough control to know that I need to stop and sober up before Sunday night, so I can go to work on Monday.
When I drink, I'm a lot of fun and happy ... until the end of the night, it seems. By then, I sometimes get angry for no reason, when I hit fresh air, according to my boyfriend. Or, I fall down.
And almost every weekend, it starts all over again. I was really drunk last Friday night. I drank enough just to handle the hangover on Saturday night. And I drank a bit on Sunday. And then, I decided "I'm done with this. I don't even like the taste anymore, or the way it makes me feel."
So, I'm here, starting this journey for the 3rd time in my life. Thanks for having me.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,453
Welcome to SR samasara 
I don't think the label is anywhere near as important as admitting there's a problem and doing something about it
glad you've committed to change and I'm glad that you found us
D
I don't think the label is anywhere near as important as admitting there's a problem and doing something about it
glad you've committed to change and I'm glad that you found us
D
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