Please read , I'm struggling with an alcoholic Mother.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 25
Please read , I'm struggling with an alcoholic Mother.
Firstly hi to everyone this is my first time post and I found this site out of desperation. I really could do with some help, advice and words of wisdom, thank you in advance for any views posted.
Apologies this may be long!
Since I was a child( I'm now 37)my Mum has had a problem with drink, when I was younger it was fairly under control . My Mum worked full time so she drank as soon as she was home from work and weekends. Most Sundays she slowly got drunk while cooking the Sunday lunch and would end up in bed. As a child I found hid empty bottle and bottles topped up with water to look more full.
This all spiralled out of control 9 years ago when she turned 60, retired and my Dad left after 42yrs or marriage! My Mum no longer had anything to fill her days and was completely heart broken. My older brother and I tried everything we could to be there for her and support her through this awful time but of course we couldn't stop the pain!
Fast forward to today my brother now lives abroad, I'm the only close family near my Mum. Things are horrendous , we have done six home detoxes , two hospital based detoxes. She has broken her knee cap in half , cut her head open , crashed her car while drunk and recently broke her wrist. She spends her days drunk laying in bed , often soiling herself and vomiting, she no longer washes or goes out of the house. We have tried everything Doctors, AA, counselling, social services and the longest she has been sober in the last 9 yrs is three months.
This has destroyed me and my brother, we have watched an intelligent , caring, kind ,hard working women turn into a lying, spiteful shell that is slowly killing herself my brother and I are close to breaking ourselves. I have two young children that love and miss their Nanny but I can't take the round to her house because it's awful and she is always drunk.
I'm not sure anyone can help but I just don't know who to turn to I'm in desperation, please help.
Thank you for taking the time to read xx
Apologies this may be long!
Since I was a child( I'm now 37)my Mum has had a problem with drink, when I was younger it was fairly under control . My Mum worked full time so she drank as soon as she was home from work and weekends. Most Sundays she slowly got drunk while cooking the Sunday lunch and would end up in bed. As a child I found hid empty bottle and bottles topped up with water to look more full.
This all spiralled out of control 9 years ago when she turned 60, retired and my Dad left after 42yrs or marriage! My Mum no longer had anything to fill her days and was completely heart broken. My older brother and I tried everything we could to be there for her and support her through this awful time but of course we couldn't stop the pain!
Fast forward to today my brother now lives abroad, I'm the only close family near my Mum. Things are horrendous , we have done six home detoxes , two hospital based detoxes. She has broken her knee cap in half , cut her head open , crashed her car while drunk and recently broke her wrist. She spends her days drunk laying in bed , often soiling herself and vomiting, she no longer washes or goes out of the house. We have tried everything Doctors, AA, counselling, social services and the longest she has been sober in the last 9 yrs is three months.
This has destroyed me and my brother, we have watched an intelligent , caring, kind ,hard working women turn into a lying, spiteful shell that is slowly killing herself my brother and I are close to breaking ourselves. I have two young children that love and miss their Nanny but I can't take the round to her house because it's awful and she is always drunk.
I'm not sure anyone can help but I just don't know who to turn to I'm in desperation, please help.
Thank you for taking the time to read xx
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the SR family. 
I'm not sure there's much you can do to help her at this point. She must want to change for herself. The only thing you can really do is let her know you love her and are sorry to see her destroying herself with alcohol.
We also have a friends and family forum where you might find more insight from people who have gone thru the same situation as you.
I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here but glad you are here. There's a lot of support here.
I'm not sure there's much you can do to help her at this point. She must want to change for herself. The only thing you can really do is let her know you love her and are sorry to see her destroying herself with alcohol.We also have a friends and family forum where you might find more insight from people who have gone thru the same situation as you.
I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here but glad you are here. There's a lot of support here.
AA member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 872
Welcome to SR.
Have you thought about Al-anon ? to get some support for yourself.
As least has said,take a look at the Friends and Family forum.
My Mother was an Alcoholic and never had the desire to stop drinking,us Alcoholics need that to have any hope of sobriety.
Wishing you well.
Have you thought about Al-anon ? to get some support for yourself.
As least has said,take a look at the Friends and Family forum.
My Mother was an Alcoholic and never had the desire to stop drinking,us Alcoholics need that to have any hope of sobriety.
Wishing you well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 25
Hi Least, Thank you for taking the time to reply. In my heart I know she doesn't want to stop it's just so hard to accept it and so painful to watch your Mum killing herself. I think I'm just wondering if it's time I took a step back , because it is impacting so negatively on my family 😞
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 25
I've been reading a lot on the internet and my Dr said I may need to take a step back . But I don't want to be seen as an uncaring daughter I feel so torn !
48heath , my Mum says the right things but I think she just does this because it's almost a pattern she has fallen into ,and doesn't want to say out loud that she doesn't want to stop drinking in case it upsets my brother and I. I also think she can't admit it to herself.
48heath , my Mum says the right things but I think she just does this because it's almost a pattern she has fallen into ,and doesn't want to say out loud that she doesn't want to stop drinking in case it upsets my brother and I. I also think she can't admit it to herself.
PurpleKnight
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
Not sure if you have ever seen or heard about the documentary My Name Was Bette: The Life and Death of an Alcoholic. http://www.thebettefilm.com/ Maybe show her the trailer to this movie because it sounds like the path she is leading down and could possibly serve as a wake up call to her that this is what her future looks like. Sorry for your situation. I can only imagine how devastating it is for you and your brother. Knowing how progressive the disease is only makes it all the more difficult.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 25
Taken to hospital!
Thank you for all your kind words and suggestions it really is a massive help. I'm sorry I'm I've taken a while to reply , so as the title says this morning I had a message saying my Mum had been taken to hospital. So it turns out she has been vomiting blood and can't stop. They've taken her into hospital and we are waiting on results of numerous tests. I feel so guilty because at the moment I feel nothing just another trip to the hospital to be patched up and sent on her way. I feel so guilty because I'm beginning to hate my own mother. 
Be sure to take good care of yourself and get some support.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
