babybingo

Hello all
It's been a while since I was here and I've had a rough few months. drinking increased steadily and I've had so many days where I've thought 'after today I'll jack it in' and I just keep going in this stupid circle.

Anyhow, last night I drank a lot (ay home with my husband- he also drank a lot but not as much as me). He's a fair bit older than me and I love him to bits. Weirdly I think one of the reasons I drink is because I get scared that I'm going to lose him because of his age, because his dad died at a similar age (unexpectedly) and he has a stressful job. We don't have kids (we chose not to)

I woke up at 4am totally scared and paranoid- I have no idea if I'd been having a bad dream or why this happened. I woke up startled, afraid he wasn't breathing and scared that if I continue drinking like I do I'm going to lose him (which I will or he'll lose me more like). He was fast asleep, nothing unusual there.

Are these feelings of terror and paranoia something others have had? It has scared me. I have been tearful today (trying to hide it) but that's the first time I've been struck like this. I know he's older and that I have to be realistic about this but I know drinking will never help. do these feelings of paranoia go (or become more manageable) with sobriety?
thanks for reading.

Irnldy001

Not exactly the same (for the same reasons) but my paranoia became out of control at the worst parts of my alcohol fuelled journey. I think a lot of us have experienced it many times. Sometimes for ourselves, and sometimes fear we project on others. While I am sober, I find I still do this, but at lower levels, and I can speak to myself with my rational voice to beat it back. You may have anxiety issues quite apart from your alcoholism, but I've found that while I may feel better while drinking, my anxiety and paranoia were at their worst when I would wake up from a bender.
It's up to you how to handle it. You cannot change your husband's age. You can change your thinking and your actions. You have to be the agent of change and put a plan in place to get yourself out of this.
You can do this. I have been amazed by the people who have done this.
Make the decision, and the support will be there. Have you decided when your day 1 is?

Soberwolf

Welcome bk what is your plan theres a sticky at the top of newcomers

babybingo

Irnldy001 today is day 1. I feel you're right with regards to being an agent of change. I want our days to special, not vanishing into alcohol fuzz.

babybingo

Soberwolf I'm going to use the sober revolution book to start with. And use this site for support too. Husband is much better at taking or leaving alcohol than me and he's on my side. I've talked to him about it and he admits the amount I drink can be scary. I want to make more time for thinking positively and meditating (which I don't ).

48heath

Paranoia and fear go with excessive Alcohol intake and they get worse over time.When sober they fade and for me ,they eventually went altogether,

PurpleKnight

Welcome back!!

Dee74

Welcome back babybingo

anxiety paranoia and panic attacks were always a part of my withdrawal, especially by the end.

As long as you keep off the booze, you'll feel better I promise

D

FLCamper

panic and anxiety were very high when I drank. A few times I'd wake up in the middle of the night startled and panicked about something. It is a terrible upsetting feeling. That doesn't happen any more.

Hevyn

Great to have you with us babybingo. I've definitely had the paranoia/anxiety thing. It disappeared when I stopped thinking getting drunk was fun and relaxing. You can do this.

least

Yes, it gets better with more sober time. My anxiety mostly went away after I was sober a few months.

Wastinglife

I know what you are going through. I wake up and double lock the doors thinking everyone's going to find out I am an alcoholic. Cameras or my iPhone has been 'jailbroken' by nefarious characters. Relax. It's not true.

babybingo

Many thanks to all of you for your kind words. Yesterday was day 1 and I felt much better last night. I feel a bit cold and shivery this morning (might be UK weather) but mentally I feel calm, something I haven't had in a while. Wastinglife I am constantly paranoid that the doors are unlocked and that I've forgotten to secure the place in my drunkenness, but last night I was ok.

Today is day 2 and I've decided that before I make decisions today I am going to ask myself 'is this choice going to get me towards my goals?' and if the answer's no, then I am not doing it. One day at a time for me means one decision at a time if that makes sense. Thank you all again. I've been a bit teary reading your lovely replies (but not sad tears, relieved tears)

JaneLane

I think it's great that you can talk to your husband about this and welcome to day two!

For me, paranoia and anxiety became 100% worse when I was in the first couple of days of sobriety but the paranoia was the first thing that eased up which was a relief. I do have an existing anxiety disorder and alcohol made it so much worse. Health anxiety was a huge issue for me when I was drinking, and it's all got better now.

There has honestly been no downsides to staying sober and I know you can do this too :-)

Pipping

I had actually forgotten about this but at the height of my drinking I worried incessantly that my husband was going to be killed in a car accident or have a heart attack and die. Mine is older too and does have some potentially serious health problems and I used to lie awake and worry myself silly over what might happen too him. This definitely went away with stopping drinking and I haven't worried like that for ages- it was awful, no way to live. I would definitely stop drinking and I am sure you will start to feel a lot calmer.

babybingo

Thanks Pipping- that's exactly how I have been feeling recently, very scared and panicy. You're right that it's no way to live. I hope this journey will help me mentally to feel calmer. It sounds silly but I always thought about the physical effects of alcohol much more than the psychological effects. Naïve I know but so true for many people. I think yesterday night was a wake up call that I needed and I've never had that fear before. I have 'coped' with feel hungover physically but the mental side is not something I've faced before.
thanks again

Pipping

Babybingo,
I only thought about the physical affects of drinking too much and I did have a lot of physical problems because of my drinking but the mental health problems were what finally finished it for me. The day after a binge I would be low and tearful and my thoughts were very intrusive like I had no control over them. Eventually these thoughts persisted for days on end and were only interrupted by more binge drinking. When I finally stopped it took one or two weeks to start to feel even remotely normal but I have never again experienced that intense worry and despair that I felt when I was drinking. I wish you all the best and give it all you've got, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Mountainmanbob

For most they go away with time sober or at least greatly improve.

I'm much older than my wife. She worries about me to a point. She takes care of me well and feeds me healthy foods. Old guys like us are fortunate to have Ladies such as you in our lives. For we all need to enjoy each day as if it is the last. I know, easier said than done. It's progress and not perfection.

MM

babybingo

I agree MountainmanBob. Thank you for sharing