Hello all
It's been a while since I was here and I've had a rough few months. drinking increased steadily and I've had so many days where I've thought 'after today I'll jack it in' and I just keep going in this stupid circle.
Anyhow, last night I drank a lot (ay home with my husband- he also drank a lot but not as much as me). He's a fair bit older than me and I love him to bits. Weirdly I think one of the reasons I drink is because I get scared that I'm going to lose him because of his age, because his dad died at a similar age (unexpectedly) and he has a stressful job. We don't have kids (we chose not to)
I woke up at 4am totally scared and paranoid- I have no idea if I'd been having a bad dream or why this happened. I woke up startled, afraid he wasn't breathing and scared that if I continue drinking like I do I'm going to lose him (which I will or he'll lose me more like). He was fast asleep, nothing unusual there.
Are these feelings of terror and paranoia something others have had? It has scared me. I have been tearful today (trying to hide it) but that's the first time I've been struck like this. I know he's older and that I have to be realistic about this but I know drinking will never help. do these feelings of paranoia go (or become more manageable) with sobriety?
thanks for reading.
