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2+ weeks sober and the phone is so quiet...

Old 04-18-2015, 11:56 AM
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2+ weeks sober and the phone is so quiet...

I am trying not to be resentful, as I know when you centre your activities around something and that something disappears, it's natural that you don't hang out as much. But I'm not dead! Things that people said they'd call me about (before getting sober) have turned into non-events/not getting called. If it's dinner and drinks, I'm sure I could go for dinner and leave after that?

Maybe it's better I don't go out with these people, but it hurts. I've been sober before and always found this the hardest thing to deal with...
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Old 04-18-2015, 11:58 AM
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Now you see who your real friends were. Obviously you had tons of drinking buddies but not many friends.
Maybe it's time to start engaging in activities which don't involve drinking and make a new set of friends?
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Old 04-18-2015, 12:00 PM
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Perhaps you can take the intiative and call some folks who do not have drinking as their central focus of going out, rather than waiting for them to call. If you have made calls, disregard previous sentence.
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Old 04-18-2015, 12:00 PM
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Originally Posted by NAP View Post
Maybe it's better I don't go out with these people, but it hurts. I've been sober before and always found this the hardest thing to deal with...
Time to forge your own path...a sober one. And finding new friends along the way.

As for dinner and drinks, I'd be careful about accepting invites and activities that had the word "drink" associated with them. It's lonely now, but early recovery is tough, alone or not. Just bear with it and strive to remain sober.
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Old 04-18-2015, 12:03 PM
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Were here for you Nap congrats on 2 weeks
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Old 04-18-2015, 12:52 PM
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It is hard and sad when we get some perspective and see that friendships weren't quite what we thought they were.

You could call a friend and suggest meeting for coffee and see if that works. And, you may begin to meet new people in recovery, too.
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Old 04-18-2015, 12:56 PM
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New activities for me, things that didn't revolve around drinking, meant new people!!

Abstaining from alcohol was only half the story when it came to Sobriety, the real challenge was building a new lifestyle, new hobbies, activities, and naturally other people come with that!!

Hang in there!!
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Old 04-18-2015, 03:07 PM
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It was a real eye opener to see who stopped calling...but I knew I'd made the right choice for me and, in time I reconnected with old friend who weren't alcoholic type drinkers and made new ones. You will too NAP

D
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Old 04-18-2015, 04:38 PM
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Congrats on 2+ weeks NAP!

As it has been stated in other comments it is best if you let the drinking buddies fall away.

For me the first few months felt like an eternity. I was making so many changes and the days felt so long. While a lot of people who I thought were friends turned out to be drinking buddies, my non alcoholic friends were still there. I wanted more support though. What felt like a long time with out contact to me, was a reasonable amount of time for people out living full normal lives.

Hang in there NAP! I know it can get really lonely but it is totally worth it.
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Old 04-18-2015, 06:25 PM
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I struggle with this too NAP makes me sad that so many things I did revolved around alcohol. Slowly I am making a new life you will as well.
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Old 04-18-2015, 06:28 PM
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focus on yourself, I know it's easy for me to say...

I spend more time alone than is recommended. But I'm okay with it. I'm on a mission.
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Old 04-18-2015, 06:29 PM
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Sounds very familiar to me. My social life is nonexistent without alcohol involved. Although, I don't blame anyone for not calling because I hadn't socialized without booze for a decade. Sober living is new and completely different
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Old 04-18-2015, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by NAP View Post
I am trying not to be resentful, as I know when you centre your activities around something and that something disappears, it's natural that you don't hang out as much. But I'm not dead! Things that people said they'd call me about (before getting sober) have turned into non-events/not getting called. If it's dinner and drinks, I'm sure I could go for dinner and leave after that?

Maybe it's better I don't go out with these people, but it hurts. I've been sober before and always found this the hardest thing to deal with...
I just got a call from an old college roommate and he wants me join him at the bar. I didn't answer. And there is a reason for that. No need.
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Old 04-18-2015, 06:58 PM
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Yeah, I know this feeling. I have my wife and see the rest of the family several times a week but I don't hear much from all my old social group. Partially my fault. I don't enjoy hanging out once the voices get louder and the conversation becomes repetitive. With out the booze I guess I'm quite an introvert. You do learn who your friends are. Then again the only thing I had in common with a lot of these people was the constant pursuit of intoxication. I am making a conscious effort lately to get out of my comfort zone.
It's a big adjustment but it beats the alternative.
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Old 04-18-2015, 07:10 PM
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I can relate with this, it's the hardest part, my only close friends were drug users. Now at 4 months clean and in my 20's i have basically no friends, empty contact list, get a text about once every other day from my mom..... I see most people seem to at least have a wife/husband/gf/bf or a few go-to clean friends, but then again some have few to no one in their lives. It's the toughest part for me, weekends like tonight suck especially, there's only so much working out/movies/video games i can do before it turns into me just laying on the floor wasting time before bed.
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Old 04-18-2015, 07:34 PM
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On the other side of the coin, I rarely spent time with people who didn't drink when I was drinking. And would never even consider having a relationship with a woman who was a non-drinker when I was drinking.
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