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Old 04-14-2015, 07:24 PM
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Step 4

What does step four mean? I don't know what it's asking of me.
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Old 04-14-2015, 07:44 PM
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Hi Leshar this may help Step 4 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

"A.A. Way of Life - Working Step 4"
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Old 04-15-2015, 03:19 AM
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Hi.
Basically step 4 is part of recovery that helps an alcoholic looks at their personal characteristics and actions and reactions when we were drinking along with actions and reactions regarding people, places and things. Things like anger, fear, resentments, isolation, and on and on.
Most of things in the 4th are quite common among alcoholics so we are not alone in that respect.

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Old 04-15-2015, 04:16 AM
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If you work with a sponsor, someone who has worked those steps, the sponsor will guide you through the process.
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Old 04-15-2015, 04:28 AM
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I'm very glad to read ha asking about step 4.

Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.

Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes.

We reviewed or fears thoroughly.

Now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling there.

We reviewed out own conduct over the years?

We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.


That's just a bit of what the big book says.
It's wise to go through the steps with a sponsor- someone who has been throug them.
I found this step to be quite an eye opener for me. Learned a whole lot about me.
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Old 04-15-2015, 07:36 PM
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Still confused... I am in al anon... I have no sponser and I am just asking what step 4 is asking me to do.... I am sorry I am new to this but just looking for an easy answer...
What is step 4 asking me to do? I don't understand what it means
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Old 04-15-2015, 07:46 PM
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It is taking a look at one's motives, one's fears, one's way of navigating life which is usually with great fear and with the need to control the world they live in and it really helps to have a sponsor, even if working Al Anon.

Talk with people in the meetings you attend.
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:10 PM
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http:// https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxGX_zGDk7c
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:38 PM
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I couldn't get that to open, storminormi
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:47 PM
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Sorry Sugarbear. I listen to a lot of AA on YouTube. Type in Bob D, step 4 in search.
He is absolutely THE best speaker. Check out all of his tapes.
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Old 04-15-2015, 09:16 PM
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Blocks to our spirit
The premise of Step 4 is that we have difficulty turning our life and will over because some of our thoughts and behaviors block us from experiencing our spirit – our higher power or our own better nature. We use the Step 4 process in order to identify these habitual blocking thoughts and behaviors in any resentment, fear, or hurtful action. Once we look deeper inside for the source of our old worn out defenses, or patterns, or defects, or shortcomings, which are usually involved in the roles we played in painful life events, then we can move on and change them in the Steps that follow. This enables us to “clear a channel” choked up with self-centered, dishonest or fearful motives and permits us to return to our search for our higher power's will, not our own, in any moment of stress. (Optional, see 12& 12, 103: 0) What part of ourselves? Through practice we learn to focus not so much on who it was that hurt or threatened us, or how they did that, but more on what part of ourselves was disturbed so that we drank, or acted as though we had been drinking. This often relates to feelings associated with our attitudes, personalities and behaviors in reaction to real or imagined threats to our security, our self esteem, or our sex / relationship instincts. We have little control over others and what they do, but we can change how we habitually re-act to life events. This is difficult for us. But, if we do not change we may drink. We have to ask for help. We find that help through the discipline of the practice of the Twelve Steps. Where are we responsible? Character Defects We develop new skills in asking where we were responsible in the course of day to day happenings. The Big Book authors never accuse, criticize, or judge us. The purpose of this step is to help us become aware of ourselves as we were in the past and how we are today. We are invited to precisely describe our thinking and behavior. We name our part. We wrestle with spiritual inquiries such as where was I self-centered or dishonest or at fault? (“ Dishonest or self-seeking motives” 86: 2) We must honestly ask what these terms mean to us in our own experience and in our own words. (See 47: 1; 63: 3) We set down a true picture in accurate proportion and real perspective of how we were involved. We may have been selfish intentionally, or because we did not even think of the concerns of others. Certainly we have often lied or not been genuine on purpose, but we are also dishonest when we see things only in our own distorted way, and not as they really are. Our self-seeking and inconsiderate behaviors relate to where we tried to control or manipulate others, thinking that we were better than or inferior to them. Fear is our number one character defect, underneath all the others. Our behaviors are driven by ancient fears for our very existence, of losing our security, of not getting our desires, and of being shown up for what we are trying to hide. These culminate in our faults: our instincts and emotions in collision, or deep seismic gaps between what we instinctively want for ourselves and what we wish for others. In Step 4, we practice giving accurate descriptions of what has blocked us from our spirit. We state where we missed the mark when we could have been on target, and where we were out of bounds in this game of life. Why do we behave in these ways? Because we are alcoholic. (See 60: 2; 338) Turnarounds In focused meditation and prayer, we recognize that others like ourselves are sick and suffering. “We avoid retaliation.” (67: 1) We ask our higher power to help us wish for others and for ourselves that we all may have deep happiness, genuine serenity, and peace of mind. This helps return us to being right size, and gives us a new perspective as we join in with life. We find that we put our trust in this new faith, not by way of emotion or wishing, but by our own experience through our own practice. Step 4 Directions The directions for Step 4 are in the Big Book.
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Old 04-15-2015, 09:17 PM
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The above excerpt is from the BIG BOOK of A.A. Study Guide
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Old 04-15-2015, 09:58 PM
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I did Step 4 last month and the month before - it too a while.

My sponsor gave me sheets to complete:
A resentments one - (What caused it/ How it affected me / My part in things/ My character defects that brought about My Part)
A Harms one - (Who I hurt / What I did / Part of Self that caused it / How the other person felt / Character defect / What should I have done)
A Fears One - What I fear / How it affects me / My part / List Fears
(She also gave me a Character Assets one - but lots of people seem to thing that's not really part of Step 4.

I'd agree that those speaker tapes are really helpful - I just put 'AA speaker Step 4' in the Youtube search and it came up with a good selection.

This thread is also useful
Step 4 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I found the best book for explaining the Steps is the 12 and 12 (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions) which the use in the Steps meetings I go to.

How come you don't have a sponsor?
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Old 04-16-2015, 04:06 AM
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I did a utube search on "Al Anon step 4" and this is the first one that came up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pjqp2rJoCO4

Here's another that is about 10 minutes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI9DnNaYLKA
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