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2 hours I'll never get Back !!!

Old 04-12-2015, 03:27 AM
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2 hours I'll never get Back !!!

Spent the last to hours frantically searching for my phone. Ironic thing is it's not a smart phone, I never use it, & honestly hate when it does ring lol Instant panic mood :|

But my younger bro works nights at his 2nd job; so since I've been back & we've reconnected, I check on him around 3-4 am when I "wake" up. But I could always just text him from my net # lol but still almost spooked myself into a panic attack.

Then I'm now wondering why those "2 hours" concerns me so much when I wasted 30, give or take, "lost" myself .. For the most part on booze, w\ odds & ends thrown in there. But yes 30 years & I'm bugging about these 2 hours hahaha

Dennis

" Everyone said, I'd come to no good, I knew I would Pearly, believe them.
Half of my life, I spent doin' time for some other f**ker's crime,
The other half found me stumbling 'round drunk on Burgundy wine."

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery
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Old 04-12-2015, 03:39 AM
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I had a similar experience yesterday! My partner was really late back from work and he hadn't text me. Of course my anxious brain immediately thought something was really wrong. I ended up on my yoga mat and was fine, as was he when he got home!

Like you, I realised how much time I wasted either drunk or passed out. That lateness wouldn't have even occurred to me in my drunken stupor. I felt kind of pleased that I was aware and sober and could take note of how I felt.
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Old 04-12-2015, 05:04 AM
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Pleased I'm sober; not pleased about noticing though haha Just makes me realize if I paid attention younger to my anxiety & not run to alcohol; I'd be semi better. Then my mind roams & it's like a snowball effect lol

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Old 04-12-2015, 05:04 AM
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YES! Well put :-)
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Old 04-12-2015, 05:28 AM
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I think sometimes my drinking was to block out the anxiety, self-medicating to calm down but missing the point so many times that when the 'medicine' wore off it brought its own anxieties too!
Exactly like a snowballing effect
Worry on top of worry is not healthy, the more I live in the now the less anxious I feel.
I'm pleased when I notice times like Jane and can feel proud of myself that my thinking mentality is so much better now than when I was younger, I try not to berate myself for wasting big parts of my life to drinking and drugging but rather use the knowledge and expand on my learning process which was stalled until I was clean for 6 months.
Anxiety is so anxious-making its a snowball alright.
These mental health problems can affect so many & alcohol drugs only seem to compound any.
Good topic

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Old 04-12-2015, 05:42 AM
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Waking up after drinking and feeling anxious, then being anxious about being anxious caused by drinking, then being anxious about stopping...a big ball of naff things really.

Like you said celtic, it's hard to even acknowledge that cycle till you've stepped out of it.

I always thought I was really sensitive to caffeine and it "gave me anxiety". But I'm realising it doesn't. I'm not going to become some kind of coffee addict but it definitely has less of an effect when I haven't got booze swilling around in me.
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Old 04-12-2015, 05:42 AM
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I meant to add, I hope everyone is enjoying the sun!
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Old 04-12-2015, 05:43 AM
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Waking up after drinking and feeling anxious, then being anxious about being anxious caused by drinking, then being anxious about stopping...a big ball of naff things really.

Like you said celtic, it's hard to even acknowledge that cycle till you've stepped out of it.

I always thought I was really sensitive to caffeine and it "gave me anxiety". But I'm realising it doesn't. I'm not going to become some kind of coffee addict but it definitely has less of an effect when I haven't got booze swilling around in me.
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Old 04-12-2015, 07:16 AM
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Originally Posted by JaneLane View Post
Waking up after drinking and feeling anxious, then being anxious about being anxious caused by drinking, then being anxious about stopping...a big ball of naff things really.
Yea; my anxiety is what has been killing me; alcohol \drugs was just the instruments it chose

I've known for a couple decades about me severe anxiety issues; but the stigma growing up & seeing a therapist was too much for me at the time, so I ran to booze. Now it's just a whole much bigger issue after years of running from it. Ironically; some of the only times I was sober & not anxious were on tour & at dead shows w\ 50,000+ people hahaha

"But I'll get back on my feet again someday,
The good Lord willin', if He says I may.
I know that the life i'm livin's no good,
I'll get a new start, live the life I should.
I'll get up and fly away, I'll get up and fly away, fly away."
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Old 04-12-2015, 08:22 AM
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I was just listening to Truckin'!

Best we realised better late than never!
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Old 04-12-2015, 09:05 AM
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Originally Posted by JaneLane View Post
I was just listening to Truckin'!

Best we realised better late than never!
Pretty much; that's the only way we can Listening to 10-16-1989 Meadowland's; great show, bad vibes & cops ... Just listened to an '82 show where Bobby changed the vitamin c & cocaine lyric to ever since she went & had a sex change lollll He did that a few '82 shows

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Old 04-12-2015, 10:30 AM
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Hi Augustwest
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:49 AM
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August,

I need to listen to more of their stuff for sure. I only have one album!
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Old 04-12-2015, 01:54 PM
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Originally Posted by JaneLane View Post
August,

I need to listen to more of their stuff for sure. I only have one album!
I don't own a single studio album\cd haha I listen to their concerts ...
Most you can download too .. Free & legal ... Enjoy :-)

https://archive.org/details/GratefulDead
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Old 04-13-2015, 09:55 AM
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Amazing, thank you for that link!
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