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The sun is out and I'm not. ..

Old 04-10-2015, 05:17 AM
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The sun is out and I'm not. ..

It's such a gorgeous day here and automatically my thought turn to meeting up with friends in a beer garden of a pub.
I have had a couple of emails already from friends asking me to go out tonight and have politely declined their offer. I just know I'll give in. . .

This may sound stupid, but why on earth do I feel like I'm missing out? It's not like something amazing is going to happen and life will be great from this night on, but that's honestly what is going round my head at the moment. Kind of like "If you stay in, you'll be missing out on a great time. . . "

Is this what is known as AV?

This will be my first weekend sober for a long time. . .I guess I'm just nervous.

Thanks for reading.
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Old 04-10-2015, 05:22 AM
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Originally Posted by misscostalot View Post

Is this what is known as AV?
Yep.

That's exactly what it is.

There is a loss... a grieving process... a transition of perspective that we must navigate in early sobriety.

It fades over time in its intensity. Then over more time it opens into something quite beautiful; your new, sober life that is built around joyfully experiencing your world without the need to drink.

It takes time and it takes changes and action. You will come to find that what you're "missing out" on is not missing out at all - but gaining.

Don't give in. Sit down and make a list of specific other things to do instead. ACTION.

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Old 04-10-2015, 05:30 AM
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Originally Posted by misscostalot View Post
It's such a gorgeous day here and automatically my thought turn to meeting up with friends in a beer garden of a pub.
I have had a couple of emails already from friends asking me to go out tonight and have politely declined their offer. I just know I'll give in. . .

This may sound stupid, but why on earth do I feel like I'm missing out? It's not like something amazing is going to happen and life will be great from this night on, but that's honestly what is going round my head at the moment. Kind of like "If you stay in, you'll be missing out on a great time. . . "

Is this what is known as AV?

This will be my first weekend sober for a long time. . .I guess I'm just nervous.

Thanks for reading.
Hey there,

This is going to be my first weekend sober too. Hang in there, you are not missing out on anything. And if the AV messes with your head, just make bargains with yourself - maybe in an hour. And when that hour arrives - maybe in another hour. Eventually it will be to late to go out.
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Old 04-10-2015, 05:47 AM
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It's becoming spring time where I live as well. Friday evening music fests in the local park with plenty of beer to be had mark the transition from winter.

Last year I was still drinking for part of the music fest dates. Towards the end of them I had quit. I did not attend the last 2-3 events because I was not confident I'd stay sober. Today I am - I have prepared and have the tools including the exit strategy if necessary!

Many of us initially changed where we went, who we went with and what we did for sure. It's part of recovery. Some of those things become part of our old life and fall by the wayside - others we learn to enjoy soberly!

Glad you're posting and with us! Congrat's on the smart decision! Tomorrow morning buy yourself a special coffee or such - and relish the sober morn
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Old 04-10-2015, 05:49 AM
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Yep. I totally understand. Last time I felt that way was on St. Patrick's day. I went to the gym and worked out extra hard. It helped get me over the hump. Find something to distract you like a movie or a book.
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Old 04-10-2015, 05:50 AM
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Originally Posted by MISSCOSTALOT's AV
If you stay in, you'll be missing out on a great time. . .
Originally Posted by misscostalot View Post
I have returned to binge drinking with disastrous consequences. Not only have I been hospitalised due to a head injury, but have also managed to humiliated myself by throwing myself at people in a drunken stupor. I do not want to be this person anymore. I feel so empty and betrayed
One of you is having a fantasy and the other describing the reality. No mysteries here.

My AV is a liar and a thief. It would kill me if I let it.

Go for a walk, enjoy the spring air.
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Old 04-10-2015, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by misscostalot View Post
...but that's honestly what is going round my head at the moment. Kind of like "If you stay in, you'll be missing out on a great time. . . "
Next comes the bargaining, convincing yourself that you can have a few, that you'll control it, keep yourself from letting your drinking get out of hand.

That's your AV too!

Stay strong.
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Old 04-10-2015, 06:08 AM
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Good luck with the weekend!

My first weekends sober became "date nights" with myself. I'd pick out a movie at the cinema, drive there, have dinner and a movie....and then the biggest luxury of all, drive home sober.

Your mind is going to try to play all sorts of tricks on you in order to keep the addiction going. When you have a plan, you start to feel a sense of responsibility to yourself to stick to not drinking.

Best wishes for the weekend. You can do it,
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Old 04-10-2015, 06:15 AM
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On a gorgeous day, you should be out and do things and see what you HAVE been missing. If you went to the beer garden you would be missing out. There is a whole world out there that is not in front of a drink on which we have missed out. Do any and everything else in the world that is not in front of a drink. Being in front of the drink is very limiting in an otherwise limitless world of possibilities. Be excited about that.
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Old 04-10-2015, 06:20 AM
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Thanks so much for your support people! It really, really helps.
Nonsensical - you seriously made me realise how better off I actually am at home tonight by quoting my OWN disasters! It's exactly what I need to hear.

For all of you that are staying in for the 1st or 1000th time this weekend, feel free to get in touch. I would welcome the distraction.

Much love and thanks.
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Old 04-10-2015, 06:26 AM
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totfit is right - plenty of places to go that aren't beer gardens. No need to stay in unless you want to. For a real treat, take a walk tomorrow morning at a time when you would normally be pulling the covers over your head because the morning light was making the hangover worse. Lots of interesting sights, sounds, and smells in the morning. Some of them are freshly baked, too.

Change is possible. Hope is reasonable. You can do this.
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Old 04-10-2015, 06:48 AM
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I am actually choosing to stay in tonight as it's early days for me and I want to avoid temptation. I have a balcony so I can sit outside and read etc :-)

Good suggestion about tomorrow - it will be lovely waking up fresh for a change!
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Old 04-10-2015, 06:55 AM
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Originally Posted by misscostalot View Post
I am actually choosing to stay in tonight as it's early days for me and I want to avoid temptation. I have a balcony so I can sit outside and read etc :-) Good suggestion about tomorrow - it will be lovely waking up fresh for a change!
I am staying in too as I don't trust myself out on the first weekend. Nothing like a good book to distract you.
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Old 04-10-2015, 07:00 AM
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Yeah! Im hoping it will keep my silly cravings and notions at bay!
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Old 04-10-2015, 07:31 AM
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Originally Posted by misscostalot View Post
Yeah! Im hoping it will keep my silly cravings and notions at bay!
Reminding myself that they are silly worked well for me. Oh look, my addicted brain is trying to convince me that I need alcohol - how ridiculous that is!!

Don't let it drag you down the mental path of This sucks! This sucks! This sucks! That's just unnecessary suffering.

The weekender thread is always rocking, too!
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Old 04-10-2015, 07:51 AM
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Its good that you are recognizing your triggers and avoiding temptation. Thats a huge asset for you in early recovery.
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Old 04-10-2015, 11:50 AM
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stay strong. last summer the beer garden called to me too. then i played the tape forward and remembered that a beer in the sun turned into midnight, drunk, sunburned and skint, usually with work the next day.

i enjoy sunny days much more now i don't waste them.

you're doing great. hang in there.
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Old 04-10-2015, 02:20 PM
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Great advice here

you will have fun again misscostalot - but it's important to take some time out and build up your sober muscles a little.

think about social things you could do where alcohol would not be involved - coffee meet ups, movies, sports...

D
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Old 04-10-2015, 02:28 PM
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I know how you feel when the sun is out (like for me it was last weekend) and everyones in a beer garden with a drink you feel so jealous you cant be there and your missing out, but when I started thinking this last weekend and thought I am missing out I started to think back to times I did this and nothing good happened from being in that beer garden except a hangover the next day or spending silly money on drink or drugs in the evening.

Stay strong and good luck
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Old 04-10-2015, 02:32 PM
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Av?

Sorry but I dont know what AV stands for. Could someone let me know.
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