nullandv01d

Hi all. I'm a 26yo that likes partying... a little too much. I had a bad breakup a couple months ago and have been reconnecting with friends. And through my power of persuasion, we tend to end up at a gay bar. For some reason I like being noticed (although I don't really meet anyone) and drinking helps with my anxiety over being around lots of people.

Every weekend since I've been getting smashed. I met a great guy and we've been dating. He's not very affectionate unless he's been drinking. Part of me likes that affection so much I ignore my internal plea to quit drinking every time Friday rolls around. His friends are very boozy... they're so engrossed in the gay bar culture. It's gross and sad to me.

I've drank hard three times in the last week. I want it to end. I'm so afraid about it affecting my health and job performance. Just want to be a non-drinker. But then some friend gathering comes up and people just hand you a drink.

I'm just over it. Totally. I'm leaving this thread up on my computer so I can see it every day.

FLCamper

Is today day 1?

Cohiba

Hey man, I am in a similar boat to you. I am 25 and my problem is I like to party way too much and like drinking when in large groups as get anxiety my conversation is boring as hell etc. I am ok during the weeks can easily go without anything as run and gym every day but the second it hits friday night I cant help myself but to drink my brains out then when it gets to about 2am the cocaine/MDMA/balloons/prescription drugs come out and I end up having a two/three day binge.

I am currently six days clean today and loving life If you look on the forums I have a thread I leave open and keep checking and it really helps me as I re-read it and see the embarrassment of the amount of times I lapsed and also remember how terrible I felt after certain occasions. You need to get a plan and stick to it and try staying in for a while, 100% avoid the gay bars for a while (I live in the gay capital of UK so have been to a few before and it is impossible to stay sober in the majority of ones I have visited haha)

All the best of luck

IOAA2

Hi.

I’ve had too much experience drinking so I’ll offer some suggestions newcomers don’t like but has helped millions over the years.

IF we really want to stop drinking it’s strongly suggested that work and changeS are needed to enable sobriety. Then we need to be honest with ourselves about our drinking AND accept the fact we can not drink alcohol in safety. That’s a starter.

Next to make things easier we stay away from drinking establishments and drinking situations. We don’t have alcohol where we live and at this point don’t host gatherings where alcohol is present.

Try doing a lot of reading these posts on this forum.
For too long I said of the above BS I’ll do it my way, well a lot feel the same way and continue their life in a miserable fashion because alcoholism is progressive even if we don’t drink it.
I’m grateful I awoke in time to appreciate a far healthier lifestyle.

BE WELL

nullandv01d

You have a point here for sure... I have no issue being sober by myself, at home. But when Friday comes and something inside me screams to go drink, that's a problem. And how sipping one drink turns into doing shots and not remembering the whole night. And how it's simply impossible to stay sober at a bar for me, but not for others maybe.

Some nights I win the moderation game (but just barely) but more often I lose. That itch to have more though... that's a problem.

IOAA2

Hi.
The problem is if we’re an alcoholic we need to ACCEPT the fact we cannot drink in safety and cannot have the first drink and get/be sober. Moderation very seldom works.

Recovery requires work and CHANGE, see above, then action otherwise we stay miserable.
As I said newcomers don’t like some simple facts that have been successful for many years.
BE WELL

Gottalife

That Friday night scream and the one drink turning into many are classic symptoms for alcoholics of my type. We call them the obsession of the mind, along with the phenomenon of craving. The first puts the drink in our hand, the second compels us to keep going until we drop.

Alcoholism is a progressive illness, it always gets worse over time. Too much party will eventually cease to be a problem, because if we don't dry out the invitations will dry up. We I'll know loneliness as few do.

Sounds like you are reaching a point where it would be a good idea to check out your options. In my experience the longer you leave it, the less options you have.

Dee74

Hi and welcome nullandv01d

I can only speak from my straight guy experience but to get out of the party scene every Friday I had to leave it. I had to make changes - where I went, who I went with.

I stayed away from alcohol centered events for many months and used the time to build up my sober muscles.

By the time I went out again, I didn't want to drink or go to bars - I preferred being sober

D

Anna

Yes, it really does sound like you need to start making changes in your weekend party plans. We have to stop drinking, but it's much more than that. It would be helpful to keep away from the club/party scene, at least for awhile. Make plans to do something different next weekend, and try to meet sober people. You will be able to do this.

nullandv01d

Yea, this weekend took a major toll on me. I slept 12 hours the night before and I still got tired during the day. Yesterday morning my spatial cognition still seemed off. I was having trouble explaining things. My skin looks like hell. A binge too far.

I'm feeling better today, day 3. My goal in doing all this is to break the cycle of me feeling better, deciding drinking is okay again, and getting smashed again.

Taking your guys' advice and already planning a sober weekend. I'm thinking the amusement park. Not terribly tempted by booze just existing... it's more the situation/context that decides how low I go.

Eshgham

27 here. Life is much better sober. It's worth it, provided you have something to fill the void. The dedication and focus (which for me stems from routine, which itself stems from sobriety) provides a great chance to achieve wonderful things. It takes time, and I'm only a relative newcomer myself, but I really believe this to be true.

Soberwolf

This

PurpleKnight

For me it was all about making decisions that meant I wouldn't be anywhere near alcohol, I couldn't simply carry on with the same acticvities and expect not to drink, it would never work.

I needed new routines, habits, I went to coffee shops, they became my substitute for bars, I read my newspaper, I played chess with the locals, it became a part of my new weekend routine.

You can do this!!

1983ritag

Hi! I'm 31 now but when I was 26 I found myself in a very similar situation. I reconnected with friends that I hadn't seen in years and with everything going on in my life I began to party hard.

It started out a weekend day here and there but quickly progressed to every weekend, then Mondays, Fridays, and even Thursdays.

I felt like my life was out of control and realized the people I'd been hanging with were very toxic. I knew I was beginning to go somewhere I didn't want to be.

The only way for me to change my path in life and move forward was to leave all of those people behind. I was spent a lot of time working on myself and I had to say goodbye to a lot of people that I really cared about.

Although I'm not exactly where I think I should be at this moment, I'm VERY far from where I was then and I'm thankful for that. I know that there are several people, including entire groups of people that I can never associate with again.

It was very hard at first to remove myself from that scene but when I did my life improved tremendously and I had more time to work on myself.

nullandv01d

Thanks for relating, everyone. Normally by Wednesday I'd have completely forgotten the awful hangover, money spent, embarrassing things done, lack of real gratification getting drunk meant. I'd be itching to do it again. Keeping this forum up is helping.

I'm trying to figure out what my real passions and interests are at the moment.

damascus1986

i got clean around that time. 4 years later i have a job car my own place, the trust of my family, self respect the list goes on and on. My old friends are stlll doing the same things and some of them have been in jail several times. i love my life today and living clean and sober has taken me to places i've never dreamed.

mystified

Acceptance was the hardest thing for me. And it didn't happen overnight like some flash of inspiration either. It took months of trying and failing to quit. It also took months of evaluation, lots of whining and a final realisation that these 'old timers' might just have something.

In the end it developed into a quiet resignment (is that a word?) that drinking wasn't making me happy, moderation wasn't working and the only sensible thing to do was put it the hell down.

I'm not that long into my sobriety so feel free to dismiss what I say but if you really want to quit drinking, listen to the people who have months and years sober time. They'll likely all sing the same tune (perhaps in a different key): don't pick up, one day at a time and they say it because it works. It's simple. But not easy.

I'll tell you this : life doesn't get easier when you quit, it gets real and that my friend takes some dealing with.

I wish you well.

JimdiGriz

Mystified this is great advice!