scooterdog

I have been visiting the rooms on and off for years so I am very familiar with "the program" however I am now trying to give it (sobriety) a serious effort (I have started going to meetings).
And sure I get it that having an accountability partner is huge help (and that your spouse can't be that person).
So next step I guess would be getting a sponsor... and I will be blunt because, hey... sobriety is supposed to be all about brutal honesty right?
Long story short I very uncomfortable with the idea, not against it just not comfortable.
So maybe some of you who have a sponsor could tell me what the experience is like?
Thanks in advance,
Scott

Anna

I think there is a pamphlet published by AA which talks about sponsorship. You might be able to get it at a meeting.

GracieLou

I think we all have a different experience.

In the beginning my sponsor spent time with me reading the BB, explaining as we went along and guided me through the 12 steps.

Two years later she is a close friend and I talk to her and ask her advice or bounce things off her brain when I am not sure mine is working right. She is honest and at times tells me things I don’t want to hear but I value her opinion and her honesty. She asks me to check my motives and at times, has asked me to comment on hers.

She was one of the first people that showed me unconditional love and one of the very few I trust with anything. I would hand that woman the keys to my car, house, my bank card and my check book and I would never think twice about doing it but more important I can tell her private issues and not only will they never go past her, she does not judge me.

I would not be sober today if it was not for her in my life.

That said, she does not know everything. There are times that she does not have the experience or wisdom to share with me and in those cases I call or speak to another one of my woman friends in AA.

My relationship with my sponsor has grown over time. It was not instant love and trust. The trust I had in her at the start was really a leap of faith for me and she has never let me down.

awuh1

I would not view a sponsor as an "accountability partner". The steps have to do with the principles rather than the individuals that help to keep us sober.

That being said, I would look for someone you feel comfortable with. IMO this can greatly facilitate the process. Be honest with yourself however. If your discomfort lies in the prospect of doing the steps, then that's a different problem altogether.

EndGameNYC

I got a sponsor after being abstinent for about four months. My plan during those four months was to get back on my feet, get a job, and then continue my drinking. But I was becoming increasingly miserable. My thinking was that working with a sponsor would at least keep me busy (I had little else to do at the time, outside of AA and treatment), keep me distracted from my daily cravings and, though I was not serious about staying sober, maybe I'd get something out of it to make me feel less miserable.

My sponsor was about four years sober at the time. I'd asked his sponsor first to sponsor me, but he said that he only worked with one person at a time, and so recommended "Richie." Richie didn't have me call him every day, or at any particular time at all. We went to two of the same meetings each week, one of which is a Big Book Meeting, so I had fairly regular contact with him. We'd meet each week for an hour before one of those meetings when he took me through the AA Big Book. I never looked forward to meeting with him, and I didn't always "feel better" afterwards, but I had accepted that feeling better wasn't the goal, and that the attempt to do so was probably something that got me in trouble in the first place.

Suffice it to say that I did a lot of things in early recovery that I didn't want to do, even dreaded, but decided that anything would be better than what I had put myself through while I was drinking. Seems a simple sleight of mind but, in my experience, this represented a profound and permanent shift in my thinking that allowed me to continue working through my struggles until I started taking my sobriety seriously. I had withdrawal symptoms, PAWS, insomnia, depression, agitation, guilt, remorse and self-loathing. Exactly where I was supposed to be in early recovery.

None of the Steps were as intimidating as I imagined working through them would be. Things started to shift for me while doing the work, particularly after Steps four and five. When we were done with the Steps, I found myself in a much different and a much better place than before. I knew along the way that if I'd simply gone to meetings that I would only have gotten worse, and would likely have resumed drinking. My sponsor's sponsor used to say that the definition of insanity is participating in a Twelve-Step Program without doing the Twelve Steps. I understand that people get something out of attending meetings alone, but that would never have been enough for me, so I won't address that.

Over time, I learned that my sponsor had become something of a hermit in sobriety, and had racist and sexist views as well. He very much lived in fear, and he had strong opinions about things he knew very little or nothing about. His version of conversation was making speeches and giving lectures. (When I was with him and his sponsor, and he went on about Obama, welfare, the placement of traffic lights, people littering, the wisdom of buying milk with the longest expiration date, using change at the cashier so as not to break another bill...or whatever...his sponsor would say, "The world according to Richie.") And he had minimal (if any) control over his speech output. When I would visit with him, he continued to stand at his doorway on the fourth floor and increase his volume as I descended the stairway all the way to the entrance of his building. He did this at meetings as well, often prefacing or interrupting himself by saying things like, "I know I talk/am talking a lot, so I'll try to be brief..." Never happened. More like a warning shot than a signal of behavioral adjustment.

The bottom line is that Richie helped get me sober. There was virtually nothing of substance that I wanted that he had in his life, except for sobriety. As many people that turned me off early on, in their sobriety, they all had something that I did not have but desperately needed. In retrospect, Jerry provided me with everything I needed to get sober. I was able to leave our personal differences at the door, and to take in that which would eventually allow me to achieve sobriety.

Ya see? There are all kinds of ways of getting sober. I believe that there is no way in advance to know what will or will not "work" for me. And that the only way to know this is to do it.

Fly N Buy

Here's a link to a pamphlet about sponsorship - however, since you been visiting for years you've probably heard these things.

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Frankly, it kind of sounds to me like you want to be talked into AA and have preconceived notions. You're last thread about how long does one go to meetings coupled with this sort of seems to me that your picking around the edges and want somebody else to convince you about AA.

Scott, maybe I am incorrect but it sort of seems that way. One thing I learned in sobriety is there is such a thing as rigorous honesty - mainly directed inward and the harshness of brutally honest that we temper towards others. On occasion we will hear both from a qualified sponsor/mentor/step guide directed towards a sponsee in an effort to save another's life, perhaps.

The program is there for all - It is simply ones own choice to go or not, engage or not.

Keep coming back

IOAA2

Hi.
We alcoholics seem to complicate the simple, me included.

To me when getting into AA I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I needed a guide/sponsor. It’s not someone who will help gain membership to the yacht club. As a guide they help in many ways following down the path into recovery. The one I just lost ended up as a close friend for about 30 years. Many things he suggested I didn’t like but followed and things turned out far better than if I had done things my way.
I needed to learn the AA lingo. For instance what’s a 12 step call?
For instance if there was someone who had done me wrong and I was angry the suggestion was to pray for the person. HUH? This is part of the learning process to stay sober.

BE WELL

Soberwolf

Good luck

MrLofg0029

My sponsor is honest, and occasionally is indeed brutal about it, but I chose that kind of sponsor. It hurt at first, but now I roll with the punches and honestly, it makes me laugh.

Sobriety is about what you make it, but honesty doesn't have to be brutal.

I've always felt uncomfortable with the idea of asking someone to be my sponsor. It always felt like asking a girl to prom. I got up the guts and just went for it. He said "sure. call me tomorrow and we'll talk."

My sponsor made me accountable for doing the things he suggested I do if I wanted to get and stay sober.

His list was as follows, but this isn't a universal list used by all sponsors. Sponsors are people and like all people, they have their own approach to life.

A.) Call before I drink, not after
B.) Go to a meeting every day
C.) Pray in the morning
D.) Call him daily
E.) Talk about what was really going on
F.) Stay out of bars and liquor stores

That sounds like a lot, but it became very routine, very quickly. I'm more independent now, and my sponsor has sponsees that need him more than I need him. I call him a few times a week and I see him at meetings. I bounce ideas off of him and ask for his advice when I don't know how to handle a situation in my life. Now, he asks me for my advice.

My sponsor, at first, was just a guy. My sponsor is now my close friend and someone I have a deep respect and admiration and (I hate this word) gratitude for. He was instrumental in the ability of AA to save my life.