JimdiGriz

Hubris.
After doing so well let my fatigue get the better of me as I posted on Saturday.. Since then it's a real struggle.. Sneaking small drinks in the evening and fighting myself every step of the way. No blackouts, not discernably drunk..just not sober and its destroying me.
I want back some of the peace and calm I discovered in my 2.5 weeks sober and yet I'm craving the alcohol in the evenings.
Tired and anxious with a lot of life events providing a consistent pressure and list of. Obligations.
Thought I had it beat yesterday when I removed myself from it all and crashed in front of the tv for 30 minutes - just for me!!! Anyway, the struggle continues.. Pouring it all out.

Dee74

You need to find other ways to deal with stress Jim.
Do you have any ideas yourself?

D

JimdiGriz

Hi dee
There are lots of ways in my head but finding the time and energy to implement is hard.
Getting to AA easier said than done with a job, child, wife working evenings and days, family network dying or living in another country.
Some evenings I just need to lie down with fatigue but being allowed to do that by wife and child is a small possibility.
Exercise and keeping busy and active through the difficult craving times I'm trying, listening to aa speaker tapes in car, deep belly breathing, trying to find time to meditate and pray.
I just get upset and stressed by many things that I then.bury or say it's ok ill get through. This just feeds the av. Not even like an av, just a mad alco-robot come 5pm!!!!
Tiredness and fatigue is a player as is the ability to try and find time for myself to do... Well...nothing. Think breathe dream sleep. Thanks dee.

IOAA2

Hi.
This road to sobriety is not always easy, life continues anyway and we hear things we don’t want to hear like this : AA can, if applied, lead you to sobriety where you don’t lose the above completely along with everything else dear to you.

I/we can only do it for ourselves, then good things follow. I don’t want to talk about the alternative.

BE WELL

doggonecarl

You think removing the causes of your drinking will allow you to stop. Alcoholism is making you drink. Not tiredness, anxiety, stress, or life events. Not being able to handle life events, stress, and anxiety are the hallmarks of alcoholics. And the biggest stress and anxiety for the alcoholic is the thought of not drinking.

thomas11

bingo.

Soberwolf

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-features.html

biminiblue

Really. We all have stressful life events. We all have obligations. It doesn't become a Disney movie when you quit - it just becomes manageable.

You've been on this site for a little over three years and posted just around 200 times. Why not get more involved here? This site is deep and full of wisdom, and if you plug in, it can help you.

It's time. Put it down. Your hand, your mouth.

Anna

There is lots of support and wisdom here at SR, so I hope that you continue to read and post. I hope that you can find ways to get through the stressful times in your life.

Ruby2

We all have life stress. I work full time and even tho I'm married, I'm the primary care giver for my two children. I was too tired to go to meetings. To tired to focus on recovery. But I sure found all the time and energy in the world to drink. Managing my drinking was far more exhausting than working and kids. But I always did it.

If you want to attend meetings, there is a way. Child minder, find a meeting that has someone to watch kids. Go when your wife is home. I went to a six a.m. meeting for the longest time because that's when I had someone to watch the kids. I hate mornings and am not now nor have I ever been a morning person. But I sacrificed because I wanted to be a sober person.

In the meantime, when I have free time here and there, I come on SR and read and post. You can do it. Just stop with the nightly sips. Can't imagine anything more stressful than taking two teaspoons and wanting the gallon. I'd be crawling the walls.

JimdiGriz

Wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off

Thankyou to everyone for your advice and perspectives. I didn't drink last night. Will reread your posts today and absorb.

mecanix

hey jim ,
im glad you didn't drink last night .
Alcohol is a delusion , it appears to relieve your stress whilst it actually makes us more nervy , jittery and undone on a longer term basis ..

all my hand shaking and trembles went away ,
my sleep got better even though i had a few nights of no sleep at the beginning .
i smelled better and was able to start dealing with stuff bit by bit .

Lets get through today , do the next right thing ..

keep on

JimdiGriz

I think what scares and worries me the most is how I've struggled through the last 3 years in particular.. It has been a journey with ill and dying parents redundancy, retraining and coping with the demands of new jobs.. Through a lot of this ive felt out of control, panicked and worried.. Im suspicious as to how much of this is attributable to the long term and low lying effects of alcohol, even if not outright disastrous hangovers.. That idea is a fundamental revision of what I've thought and felt recently.

mecanix

I had a depression hang around for 6 months after giving up , that i'd always had as far back as i can remember ..
it was a great relief to be "normal" and i didn't really trust it to begin with thinking it was the "pink cloud" we hear about … but nope it was the long term depressive effects of drinking a depressant on a regular basis wearing off .

Regards , m