MIRecovery

I have found that when sponsors move on it is not because a person drank. It is because the sponsee refused to do what was asked of them.

I have a chronic relapser at one of my groups who will come to meetings but will not read the BB or work the steps. He burned through multiple sponsors because of his unwillingness to go to any lengths.

I have no idea what you have or haven't done but getting sober requires us to make systemic changes in our lives.

If rehab is required call your insurance and find a treatment option that is in network

IOAA2

Hi.

Whatever you do please for your sake continue going to meetings. I say this because at a meeting you will hear “pearls” that can change all things in your getting sober process.

For me it was KEEP COMING and if we don’t pick up the first drink we don’t have to TRY to get sober AGAIN—EVER.

I’ve tried to help many people with drinking problems, many who died, it can be very frustrating because we have a tendency to want to fix them, in reality they have to want to fix themselves for themselves.

There is a saying that a successful 12 step call is when we walk away sober.

TRY TO KEEP TRYING AND BE WELL

AddictGuy

Eliasson,

I have seen you around before just here the last couple of days. I don't think whether you are in an abusive relationship is a question.

Story: I took this new cat I had found to the vet to see how it was and get it all squared away. I had been taking care of it for a few days waiting for the appointment. the assistant asked me how the cat was. (food, shelter, safety, water, cat box, a home, love, purring all of the time, jumping in my lap and rubbing my face with its face and drooling, etc. )

I said, "It thinks its got it made."

the girl asked, "well does it?" (trying to get to the deeper truths, of course)

I said, "Well if it thinks it does, I guess it does."

the cat knows how the cat is.

And you know you are in an abusive relationship. You being told you aren't by the abuser and getting all twisted around about it is all part of it. In your gut . . . . you know. Period.

People getting tired of you? I will admit, when I try to help someone, if they don't seem to be trying to help themselves (subjective opinion, I know) still if they don't seem to really want to change, I do lose interest in putting as much of myself into it. That can be my weakness. My fault. But then that can be tough love. Grey area.

but you clearly haven't given up. You are here. so that part is obvious. Even is you say you have given up . . . well, you haven't.

So we are here for you. And we will get through this with you. and you will come out on the other end one day, a new person -- reborn.

keithj

I don't know anything about your particular history or the people around you, so I'm just speculating. The BB advises in Chapter 7 (Working with Others) that we not spend time with someone that isn't willing to follow our suggestions. Now, it also advises that we be a friend and offer help in other ways, but that the intensive 12th Step work is best spent where we can be useful. It may be that your former sponsor and others you have worked closely with are simply out of ideas of how to be helpful to you.

tomsteve

[QUOTE=Eliasson;5296048]i posted before that my old AA friends want me to go to inpatient rehab. I looked into it. They are out of network on my insurance, and if you've read my previous posts you can probably see that I have no say in my marriage on where the money is spent. I just want help staying sober. But because I can't do it the way they say I should, they have literally said "goodbye and good luck with that".
I remember going to AA and seeing a sign that said something to the effect of "whenever someone reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA to be there". That doesn't seem to be the case. I understand, to some extent, that I am a difficult case and people are probably tired of trying to help me and I fail them. But I feel at this point if I'm rejected by AA too, how hopeless am I? I gave up on myself a long time ago. And they have too. So I give up.[

How EXACTLY do you want people to help? Should we keep chasing someone that cannot or will lot work with us?have you been doing any of the footwork? Are you wanting someone else to do the footwork or carry you?
Working with another alcoholic can be the most satisfying part and most frustrating part of AA . Ive TRIED to work with people that won't put in the footwork. It didn't do me any good. I've had to step down from being a sonsor before. Didn't turn my back on em, but I wasn't going to help enable them to continue the same behavior that got em to the doors of AA.
Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance.

You've gotta choice today. I hope you make the choice to go to ANY lengths to achieve sobriety. Sure as hell wasn't easy for me getting sober but it got easy and worth everything I had to do to get there.
It works if ya work it so work it yer worth it!

Jeni26

Hi. I recently started again in AA after relapsing. I had stopped attending meetings over a year ago and relapsed at Christmas.

My experience couldn't be more different. I've been welcomed back with open arms and made to feel like I'm amongst friends.

I understand that there is a feeling that AA members won't go chasing people who aren't ready to commit. My own sponsor told me that she couldn't help me with willingness to commit and she would be ready to help me when I was ready. I understand that. AA isn't a miracle cure. As with all methods of recovery we have to be ready to do whatever it takes to get well.

I would suggest that you try some new meetings...tell people you meet that you are desperate, and take numbers to call when you need help.

One of the ladies I go to meetings with has relapsed many many times...one person at my last meeting said they'd been in and out of AA for 11 years before they reached the point when they were really ready to quit for good. Both are accepted with love.

I'm sorry you haven't found what you need, maybe you need to search out other more tolerant and kind people ...I'm really sure they exist for you as they do for me.

Anna

Eliasson, I hope that you find something that works for you. Why do you think you can't stop drinking and/or relapse?