2 weeks sober, first post, and just trying figure this out
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 5
2 weeks sober, first post, and just trying figure this out
Hi Everyone,
I'm new here, two weeks sober, and on the second attempt after quitting in 2012 for 63 days. I've been a binge drinker since high school and binge drinking alcohol has always been a part of my cultural experiences right up to the present day in my family, circle of friends, work colleagues, etc.
It's just the way people always behaved. However, I've felt that I had trouble controlling my drinking for, probably, more than 15 years, but because it had been such an ingrained cultural norm the concept of actually quitting forever seemed absurd. Certainly I didn't have a problem that just being more vigilant and having more self-control couldn't fix? (this is me talking to myself) I just needed to moderate my drinking. After all, (I told myself), I wasn't an alcoholic because I often didn't drink all week, I wasn't puking drunk(very often anyway), I had a job, good marriage, good kids - it was really only a matter of getting it under control on the weekends - with my motivation mostly from a desire to get my weight under control. When I binge drink, I binge eat. And then of course, the next day is all the greasiest food I can possibly get my hands on. Do that for a few decades and it's gonna catch up with you!
Finally in 2012, I got tired of all the hang-overs, had a new job that really required me to be sharp and perform and I decided to just quit for a while. Unfortunately, I was always under the impression I would quit, get it under control, and then just be able to have a glass of wine or two and stop. I just didn't really have any experience with someone quitting forever and ever. Big surprise, that little plan did not work out so well.
Now nearly three years later, I'm ready to admit, I'm unable to put a cork back in a wine bottle. The reality is that once its out, I am damn sure going to drink that whole thing, I don't care what's on the schedule for the next day. And my "need" or opportunity to drink a little wine with dinner is an increasing event. As a result, the space between hangovers has gotten shorter and shorter, I'm calling in sick or operating at half mast at work, all the booze and bad food is taking a toll on my mental and physical health, and things all around are starting to fray and break down.
I do not want this to be my life anymore. I've learned a lot from all the reading on SoberRecovery during my last abstinence and now. I now know I am not one of those people who can say, "whoo, that's enough for me now. Time to sober up". I have admitted to myself that this is a forever gotta say No thing. Time to say Yes to me instead. That means figuring out all the reasons why I have been numbing myself on a regular basis for the past bazillion decades. Probably not going to like going back there sometimes, but I have scheduled an appt with a therapist to start working through that.
And now, After lurking around in 2012 and again the past two weeks, I have taken the leap and signed on. Time to come out of the shadows. I have to own this. Posting is another first step in that direction. This and the therapist. I am a very private person. So these steps for me are pretty big. They are just the beginning though....
Thanks for listening.
I know this community is super supportive. That's why I've been drawn back over and over. You are all very brave and a great inspiration to people you're not even aware of. I am humbled and inspired by your honesty and support of each other.
I'm new here, two weeks sober, and on the second attempt after quitting in 2012 for 63 days. I've been a binge drinker since high school and binge drinking alcohol has always been a part of my cultural experiences right up to the present day in my family, circle of friends, work colleagues, etc.
It's just the way people always behaved. However, I've felt that I had trouble controlling my drinking for, probably, more than 15 years, but because it had been such an ingrained cultural norm the concept of actually quitting forever seemed absurd. Certainly I didn't have a problem that just being more vigilant and having more self-control couldn't fix? (this is me talking to myself) I just needed to moderate my drinking. After all, (I told myself), I wasn't an alcoholic because I often didn't drink all week, I wasn't puking drunk(very often anyway), I had a job, good marriage, good kids - it was really only a matter of getting it under control on the weekends - with my motivation mostly from a desire to get my weight under control. When I binge drink, I binge eat. And then of course, the next day is all the greasiest food I can possibly get my hands on. Do that for a few decades and it's gonna catch up with you!
Finally in 2012, I got tired of all the hang-overs, had a new job that really required me to be sharp and perform and I decided to just quit for a while. Unfortunately, I was always under the impression I would quit, get it under control, and then just be able to have a glass of wine or two and stop. I just didn't really have any experience with someone quitting forever and ever. Big surprise, that little plan did not work out so well.
Now nearly three years later, I'm ready to admit, I'm unable to put a cork back in a wine bottle. The reality is that once its out, I am damn sure going to drink that whole thing, I don't care what's on the schedule for the next day. And my "need" or opportunity to drink a little wine with dinner is an increasing event. As a result, the space between hangovers has gotten shorter and shorter, I'm calling in sick or operating at half mast at work, all the booze and bad food is taking a toll on my mental and physical health, and things all around are starting to fray and break down.
I do not want this to be my life anymore. I've learned a lot from all the reading on SoberRecovery during my last abstinence and now. I now know I am not one of those people who can say, "whoo, that's enough for me now. Time to sober up". I have admitted to myself that this is a forever gotta say No thing. Time to say Yes to me instead. That means figuring out all the reasons why I have been numbing myself on a regular basis for the past bazillion decades. Probably not going to like going back there sometimes, but I have scheduled an appt with a therapist to start working through that.
And now, After lurking around in 2012 and again the past two weeks, I have taken the leap and signed on. Time to come out of the shadows. I have to own this. Posting is another first step in that direction. This and the therapist. I am a very private person. So these steps for me are pretty big. They are just the beginning though....
Thanks for listening.
I know this community is super supportive. That's why I've been drawn back over and over. You are all very brave and a great inspiration to people you're not even aware of. I am humbled and inspired by your honesty and support of each other.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Originally Posted by Awakening2 
I'm unable to put a cork back in a wine bottle.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
I can identify with a lot in your post. When sobering up I was told that if I needed to control something it’s out of control and that alcoholism (hated the word) is a progressive disease, never retreating unless we stop it’s intake.
I finally had to get honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact that I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.
It’s a process and depending on the individual takes the four letter word TIME. It can be an wonderful eye opening experience or unfortunately for some a miserable one.
Something I learned is getting sober is no where the end all, being sober is the foundation of recovery which give us our comfort zones.
BE WELL
I can identify with a lot in your post. When sobering up I was told that if I needed to control something it’s out of control and that alcoholism (hated the word) is a progressive disease, never retreating unless we stop it’s intake.
I finally had to get honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact that I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.
It’s a process and depending on the individual takes the four letter word TIME. It can be an wonderful eye opening experience or unfortunately for some a miserable one.
Something I learned is getting sober is no where the end all, being sober is the foundation of recovery which give us our comfort zones.
BE WELL
Glad to have you as part of our community! Thanks for sharing...you sound like you have a great plan! Stay strong!
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