Mel12

I cannot stop thinking about something I read on SR:

Scott from Wisconsin wrote [[I spend time every single day on SR reading and trying to help others. I feel it's necessary for me to always be vigilant of the fact that I will always be an alcoholc, and I will never be "cured". I must remind myself of that daily."]]

My question is: Have others found that they relapse unless they stay on SR daily? I am wondering if daily SR is the missing element in my plan (which seemed to work until it didn't).

Mel

doggonecarl

Depends. I've read where people are triggered by posts here on SR. People relapsing, drinking, sharing their anguish. And I admit some of the more public relapses, where members are drinking and post, can be frustrating. But they don't make me want to drink.

I check in daily. Several times a day usually. The only time I stayed away is when I went back out last June and used, ending over five years of clean time. I stayed away because I didn't want to be talked out of it.

Easy to test, isn't it, Mel. Just log on daily.

Dee74

It was certainly important for me to be here every day in the beginning.
I needed all the help I could get.

I no longer feel I 'need' to be here everyday to stay sober - but I also figure it can't hurt - plus other things are important in my life too, like helping others....

SR is still an important part of most days for me

D

zeppodog

I sign in almost every day on the 24 hour pledge and sometimes read posts several times a day to remind myself not to drink and why. When I've found myself drinking again it's been when I didn't check in for some reason and then start thinking I can drink in moderation which I know I can't.

Aellyce

Mi Mel.

I've been using SR since I got sober nearly 14 months ago pretty much on a daily basis... sometimes I skip 1-2 days. Can't tell you if I would relapse had I stopped using SR for a longer period of time because I never tried. I can tell you one thing though: I do find it important to be consistent with taking care of myself and sticking with the new habits I developed in my 3D life in recovery. Whenever I start lagging, I feel myself slipping into old thought patterns and behaviors, not drinking but I can imagine it might lead to that if I let it. I actually expect all this to become a lot more stable and effortless with more time, but the truth is, I still need my regime at this point of my recovery. I don't actually feel I "need" being on SR per se daily at this point, it's more that I find it interesting and enjoy the interactions, helping others, always learning new things etc.

Your question is easy to test though. Why don't you stick with using SR daily for a longer period of time and see if it makes a difference? It really did to me, although it was far more than just SR alone.

There are also many ways to use SR -- you can post about your own concerns, struggles, questions... respond on others' threads and try to help them... get into some of the "fun" circles or shared recovery threads ongoing here... make friends with people in private.... I've tried all of these.

least

I don't think I'll relapse without SR, but then, I'm on here every day. I find it helpful to come here to help others, which reminds me of where I was before I found sobriety.

ScottFromWI

I would expand on that by saying that I need to work on, or at least be congnizant of my sobriety each day. SR is a convnient way to do that for me as it is literally available 24/7 nearly anywhere I go. Now that I am farther along in my sobriety I don't spend nearly as much actual time as I did at first, and there are days occasionally when I am too busy to spend more than a few moments reading.

My point is that sobriety is a daily part of my life, whether it means SR, reading a little of the big book ( even though I'm not in AA ), or simply reflecting on how my life is better without alcohol. Your plan could include some, all of none of those, but you need to maintain whatever "it" is for the long haul.

Thepatman

I don't think it's a requirement to post daily or come on SR to stay sober.

Some members have disappeared, no way to know what % are sober. But there are some that come back and lurk, afraid to post or ashamed, or just afraid to hear some tough love.

For me personally, I enjoy coming here, trying to help others is like food to my own recovery. I pull out when I see members that don't appear to want healing, not willing to work at recovery, not willing to listen to older timers that have succeeded. They are not hopeless cases, I just can't get too involved emotionally, to protect my own recovery.

GroundhogDay

I'm glad you asked this question. I'm coming up on 90 days now and I am feeling very happy, healthy, and mentally sharp. I feel like I "got this." No cravings...which is what concerns me. It seems that the AV can come out of nowhere to say "Hey, you aren't like THEM. YOU can moderate."

I hope to keep checking into SR to remind myself of where that thinking can lead. However, my life is getting busier, so I will likely begin spending less time here soon.

Dayonesober

I am just getting started here and with sobriety. It seems to help me and I know what that day means to me. There were many days but there is also that day. I can't keep doing this to myself and people around me. I'm gonna try to be here as much as possible.I finally decided I am going to change but in my past I have forgotten why I needed to and I don't want to lie to myself any more. Yes I think it will help in my case.

LBrain

hmmmm...

I'd say for as long as you need to. And when you feel you don't need to anymore, check in again for a couple months just to be sure. And as always, when you feel you are leaning toward having a drink or are not sure, ALWAYS CHECK IN AND ASK FOR A SECOND OPINION.

Venecia

Good question, Mel, and really good feedback from everyone.

Philip Seymour Hoffman's death impacted me greatly. He had it all -- I considered him the best actor of his generation -- and had seemingly put addiction far behind him. When he died, I read somewhere that alcoholism/addiction is very patient. It's always been a bit odd for me to attribute separate, human tendencies to something within us, but it made sense so I got over the weirdness of it and embraced it.

I come here most days. The "'feed me' monster" in my head has been very quiet for a long time now; I've been sober for 19-plus months. But I know it's still there. I want to alcoholism to recede further and further into my past. If I ever went back, it might not kill me the way it did Hoffman, but it would kill me nevertheless -- destroying me bit by bit, day by day.

The answers you won't get here -- but would prove illustrative -- are from those who have disappeared. Are they gone because things are better now and they've decided SR is no longer needed? I'm sure that's the case for some. Occasionally, there's an uplifting post from a member who hasn't been here for a long time and checks in to let folks know they're thriving in recovery. Others who left? I assume the outcome has been darker.

For me, it's preventive maintenance. Below, I've posted this quote from David Carr, the New York Times journalist who died (cancer) suddenly earlier in the year, from his book about his life as an active addict and recovery. It remains the single most insightful observation about relapse I've seen.

"In various programs of recovery, adherents will talk about 'slips'; but the collapse into drinking and drugging can take a very long time. In that process, the prospect of getting high or drunk, unimpeded by obeisance to a higher power or a program of daily living, is rolled around in the mouth absently, surreptitiously, long before it is actually swallowed, to see how it might taste. That's how I finally found myself in my kitchen with that disgusting drink.

"When I really think about it, somewhere in the late nineties and into 2000, I stopped identifying myself as an alcoholic and an addict and began thinking of myself as someone who just didn't drink or do drugs. It took about four years to make that nasty drink in my kitchen, four years of not going to meetings, four years of not speaking honestly with people in recovery, four years of a long conversation in my head, before the thought became the deed."

That's it. I underlined the parts of Carr's observations that speak directly to me and why I have made a commitment to SR. My life used to be lived darkly and incompletely. Sobriety and recovery give me so much more and make it worthwhile for me to spend time here on a near-daily basis.

Oh, and I think there are some really cool people here, ones I've come to admire and whose contributions I value greatly.

Sorry -- long post, I know. Brevity has never been my strong suit.

Della1968

All I can say is for myself this is the longest I have been sober in a decade and also the first time I have utilized SR. There may come a time I post less but I will continue to read and post as long as it's here.

courage2

I've been posting every day or nearly so for more than 2 years. It's an important part of my sober life to feel & express gratitude daily, which I do here on SR, and to do something useful for other people who have similar problems to my own, which I try to do here. I could find another way or place to do these things, but I like SR!

silentrun

I have been on here for 2 years. I was pretty much good with the drinking at 6 months. Now I come here for my mental health. I used SR for a few hours a day for probably the first year and I stayed sober. I see people come back at milestones and thank SR. People do get better and go on their way.

Bmac

I want as many people as possible to get to know me here on SR. The more people who know that I am an alcoholic, then the more people I would have to be accountable to if I ever chose to do more research. I can just see myself standing in front of a liquor store thinking, "Dammit, if I do this I am going to have to come clean to my family, my friends AND the SR community. "F" it, it's not worth it" And then I drive off still sober.

Della1968

^^^^^ this. That's why I use my pic. Makes me feel more accountable.

EndGameNYC

I only found SR when I was sober for about two years. I was doing some research on alcoholism, and wasn't looking for support. After reading a few threads, I believed that I could offer something helpful for people who were struggling, and I was happy to do so.

It took a while for me to learn the local customs, and I needed to pull back somewhat on my professional experience. Still do at times. What I discovered over time was that my sobriety seemed to get stronger the more I participated here. Whenever a person reaches out for help, it means to me that they've learned something from their suffering, no matter the intensity of their denial or the strength of their resistance to putting down the drink.

I don't know whether or not you meant it in this way, but the title of your thread -- Recovery community needed daily forever -- suggests concern about being tethered to a particular activity or plan for sobriety, every day and for the rest of your life. I don't believe that it needs to be this way for many people, though I've known people whose lives revolve around AA. In some cases, they seem anxious about stepping in to "real life" at the expense of their commitment to AA and to sobriety. In others, there seems to be a commitment to helping other people to achieve sobriety in the program, a kind of calling or avocation. And some seem to me to have an unhealthy relationship with the program, neglecting other important responsibilities in their lives, and sometimes anointing themselves as experts in recovery.

I got sober the first time by working through the AA Big Book Twelve Steps with a sponsor, helping others to achieve sobriety and attending meetings. After about twelve years of this, I gradually cut down on meetings, having contact with my sponsor and other people I'd come to know in AA, and neglecting what I'd learned through working the Steps. It took a long time for me to pick up the drink, thirteen years after I cut down on the things that helped me to get sober, but my attitudes and my behaviors eroded during that time, and I did very little to change that dramatic decline. Abandoning support left me feeling that I no longer had it, and I made it difficult for me to return to AA. I achieved a great deal of success during my sobriety, so what could "those people" possibly do to help me?

There seems, to me, to be no simple answer to your question. Taking the chance or making a commitment to stay connected to what gets us sober in the first place is never a bad strategy, and it doesn't always have to feel like a sentence. Many of us enjoy doing whatever it takes to protect our sobriety, strengthening us as it so often does to feel prepared to meet life's inevitable challenges. I stumbled upon SR through sheer chance, and I was happy to seize the opportunity to help others and to learn more about my own relationship with alcohol. I have no regrets about the time I've spent here, and often look forward to checking in. There are people I follow, and others whose comments I don't like to miss. My sobriety has long since been associated with pleasure, or at least stability, rather than with pain. But, in my experience, it takes sober time, quality sober time, to get there.

It's never a bad idea to do what we need to do to get and then remain sober. The alternative quite nearly killed me.

JoeCree

When i joined SR back in 2010 it was my first attempt at sobriety. I checked in daily and was succesul for ~14+ months. Then i stopped coming and started drinking again for the next few years until this January 2015. Im back sober again, smarter, and more appreciative of the community here.
Id say there is a direct relation between success in sobriety and daily visits to SR, but everyone is different. For me I plan on being here for however long here remains. The intellect that pours from these threads is stimulating and invigorating, I wont leave again.

Anna

I had already been sober for 3 years when I found SR many years ago. I do come here most days because I always find inspiration and joy. SR, along with books, has been my lifeline in recovery and it's part of my balanced recovery program.