How easy it is to forget
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
How easy it is to forget
I'm on day three here and beginning to feel slightly human! I am keeping a 'journal' and I just wrote an entry in it I called 'a day in the life'. I tried to put into words the horrendous mental and physical feelings I have when I am drinking, not least the fear and anxiety that lives, in my case like a steel rod in my stomach and chest, the obsessiveness, irritability and the closing off from the world around, the isolation and the helplessness as one sinks into ones own funk.
It is so important for me to remember how awful a feeling that is. To forget is to be tempted to think that 'this time it will be different'. Next time can only be worse.
It is so important for me to remember how awful a feeling that is. To forget is to be tempted to think that 'this time it will be different'. Next time can only be worse.
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Nice to see you back Mentium and well done on day three. Yes, for me it's also important to remember just how awful drinking is for me, emotionally, mentally and physically.
Do you have any face-to-face support around you at the moment? Do you think you might go back to AA, or try out something else?
Do you have any face-to-face support around you at the moment? Do you think you might go back to AA, or try out something else?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Hi Louise. Yes I am having specialist addiction counselling. Third of twelve weekly sessions later today as it happens. I am not sure about AA. I left because I can't believe in the program as it stands, though I really found the friendship helpful. Having said that, as the only member who has stayed friendly with me after I left just before Christmas noted, people back off as soon as you leave. Not sure that counts exactly as 'friendhip'. Anyway I won't bash it as it has helped millions of people.
The friend I mentined about, who leads one of the groups I used to go to, said to me once a while back that she didn't feel I would quit for good until I looked at the undelying issues which make drinking my medication of choice (as it were). I think she was right, which is why I sought one to one help. Finding it helpful too! Wish me luck!
The friend I mentined about, who leads one of the groups I used to go to, said to me once a while back that she didn't feel I would quit for good until I looked at the undelying issues which make drinking my medication of choice (as it were). I think she was right, which is why I sought one to one help. Finding it helpful too! Wish me luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 105
You are not wrong Mentium! I am on day 3 as well but have only actually drunk about 4 times in the last couple of months. I have been amazed by how utterly I have managed to consign bad memories to history in order to get myself to the pub. The first taste, even the first smell of beer reminds me this is not a great idea but by then I am usually committed! Anyway, I never had a workable plan before but i am getting one together and part of it involves writing a warts and all description of all of that horrible stuff. I can't say it is a comfortable endeavour but I know it will be useful....as long as I don't conveniently forget where I filed it of course!!! :-)
Chrodcowboy
Chrodcowboy
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 1,629
Mentium,
A journal is a fantastic idea. I wish I had done that myself. It would be such a great tool to use when your AV is talkin' trash to you. You could open your journal and read it a bedtime story from months ago. That would put it to sleep!!
A journal is a fantastic idea. I wish I had done that myself. It would be such a great tool to use when your AV is talkin' trash to you. You could open your journal and read it a bedtime story from months ago. That would put it to sleep!!
Sober date 5/1/13
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 3,547
Never forget where you've been.
Never lose sight of where you're going.
And never take for granted the people who travel the journey with you.
- Susan Gale
She says it better than I ever could.
Never lose sight of where you're going.
And never take for granted the people who travel the journey with you.
- Susan Gale
She says it better than I ever could.
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Thanks for the reply Mentium. The specialist addiction counselling sounds good and I'm glad you're finding it helpful. Of course I wish you luck! 
I've been trying to get sober for over 2 years now ( at the moment I'm 3 months back. The longest I've gone is 7 months) and I have also had to come to the realisation that I'm not going to stay quit until I address my underlying issues. So I'm also getting one-to-one counselling at the moment, although it's not specialist addiction counselling.
I've been trying to get sober for over 2 years now ( at the moment I'm 3 months back. The longest I've gone is 7 months) and I have also had to come to the realisation that I'm not going to stay quit until I address my underlying issues. So I'm also getting one-to-one counselling at the moment, although it's not specialist addiction counselling.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
it was easy to forget all those terrible hangovers, those jail cells, those miserable self-loathings, the shakes, the vomit....
it was easy to forget all those years thrown away. The ridiculous fights. The money... so much money, wasted.
it was easy to forget the shameful behaviors, the blackouts, the guilt, the negative impact to all my relationships and my life.....
it was easy to forget until I became dedicated to remembering.
it was easy to forget until I became ACTIVE in working on the reasons I was allowing myself to forget.
keeping AA, SR, therapy, journaling, exercise, reading about sobriety.... working with other alcoholics, service and volunteering, gratitude in my life; it is much harder to forget.
It is easy to forget - when we decide to just coast, to let go of our sobriety and allow ourselves to forget.
But it's much harder to forget, when we do all we can, every day.....
To remember.
it was easy to forget all those years thrown away. The ridiculous fights. The money... so much money, wasted.
it was easy to forget the shameful behaviors, the blackouts, the guilt, the negative impact to all my relationships and my life.....
it was easy to forget until I became dedicated to remembering.
it was easy to forget until I became ACTIVE in working on the reasons I was allowing myself to forget.
keeping AA, SR, therapy, journaling, exercise, reading about sobriety.... working with other alcoholics, service and volunteering, gratitude in my life; it is much harder to forget.
It is easy to forget - when we decide to just coast, to let go of our sobriety and allow ourselves to forget.
But it's much harder to forget, when we do all we can, every day.....
To remember.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Originally Posted by Mentium 
I'm on day three here and beginning to feel slightly human! I am keeping a 'journal' and I just wrote an entry in it I called 'a day in the life'. I tried to put into words the horrendous mental and physical feelings I have when I am drinking, not least the fear and anxiety that lives, in my case like a steel rod in my stomach and chest, the obsessiveness, irritability and the closing off from the world around, the isolation and the helplessness as one sinks into ones own funk.
It is so important for me to remember how awful a feeling that is. To forget is to be tempted to think that 'this time it will be different'. Next time can only be worse.
It is so important for me to remember how awful a feeling that is. To forget is to be tempted to think that 'this time it will be different'. Next time can only be worse.
D
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