I need someone to believe in me
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
Hi Eliasson,
I'm only 10 weeks sober so I've got no advice from experience but Scott and Ruby's inpatient rehab sounds like a good idea. I guess you couldalso speak to a doctor about Antabuse - which I understand (I don't take it myself so I don't KNOW) removes the option to drink - it might help in the short term
I'm only 10 weeks sober so I've got no advice from experience but Scott and Ruby's inpatient rehab sounds like a good idea. I guess you couldalso speak to a doctor about Antabuse - which I understand (I don't take it myself so I don't KNOW) removes the option to drink - it might help in the short term
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Good to see you back Eliasson. I remember you very well. 
Never feel ashamed for returning a few times - it's actually something to be proud of. You haven't given up on a better life. You can absolutely do this. We're with you, and we believe.
Never feel ashamed for returning a few times - it's actually something to be proud of. You haven't given up on a better life. You can absolutely do this. We're with you, and we believe.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Eliasson, I agree with tate. First things first, NEVER give up, don't make that an option. By not giving up you always have hope. Once you've determined you are not giving up (and you will), move towards the next step, getting sober and hopefully staying sober. Use every tool at your disposal. I can't imagine anyone with addiction issues giving up on you. Its not what we do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
Thank you thank you to all. It's 9pm here and I made it thru today without drinking, and thanks to all of you here I am ending the day with a little more hope than when I started it. I'm still terrified. But I can't thank you enough for caring enough to reach out to me. I have been reading with tears in my eyes. It means so much to me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
You are going to be ok. Life is so much easier and better when you are sober. Things started clicking for me when I realized that I never HAD to drink again. When I thought of it as giving something up... never able to drink again, it felt like I was depriving myself is something valuable. Realizing I didn't have to drink was freeing to me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
Ellisson,
Just don't worry about humiliating yourself about coming back here over and over about the same thing . . . or about anything else. I have just accepted that one way or another an inescapable part of my life is that I am going to humiliate myself on a pretty regular basis. I won't know how I will do it next, what company I will be in at the time or anything, and it doesn't have to have anything to do with substances, I personally just think that seeming the "silly goose" from time to time is just part of living and I accept it and just go on.
Don't worry about being afraid either, or even terrified. I find that those feelings are just going to raise their ugly heads from time to time. Welcome to life. Might as well just go live boldly.
As Winston Churchill said, "When you find yourself going through hell, just keep going."
Just don't worry about humiliating yourself about coming back here over and over about the same thing . . . or about anything else. I have just accepted that one way or another an inescapable part of my life is that I am going to humiliate myself on a pretty regular basis. I won't know how I will do it next, what company I will be in at the time or anything, and it doesn't have to have anything to do with substances, I personally just think that seeming the "silly goose" from time to time is just part of living and I accept it and just go on.
Don't worry about being afraid either, or even terrified. I find that those feelings are just going to raise their ugly heads from time to time. Welcome to life. Might as well just go live boldly.
As Winston Churchill said, "When you find yourself going through hell, just keep going."
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Originally Posted by Eliasson 
hi again. I'm embarrassed to keep coming back but I don't know where else to turn. Drinking is killing me and ruining my family. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to get sober and I always go right back to drinking. I'm tired of asking for help because I always let people down and don't want to waste anyone's time anymore. Everyone in AA has given up on me. They don't even respond anymore when I reach out for help, and I don't blame them. I've given up on me too. I truly don't believe life is worth living without alcohol. I always start out with good intentions, on mornings like this one when I'm so hungover and ashamed and filled with self loathing. But the further away I get from this morning, the more I decide I'm fine and I'll just have a drink or two every once in awhile. Sometimes it works. But I always, eventually, end up right back at this place. I started drinking at 13 and am now 49. Have spent my whole life doing this back and forth stuff.
Last night I got in a drunken fight with my husband in front of my two sons. I hate myself for that. Hate hurting them and want them to be proud of me, not ashamed. It feels hopeless because I've never succeeded at staying sober. My longest period of sobriety was 13 months. I'm tired.
I don't honestly feel I deserve better than this tho, and I'm not sure it's in the cards for me. I have some issues with aa even tho I know it's worked for others. Is there another way? Is there any hope for me? Thank you for reading this. I'm scared.
Last night I got in a drunken fight with my husband in front of my two sons. I hate myself for that. Hate hurting them and want them to be proud of me, not ashamed. It feels hopeless because I've never succeeded at staying sober. My longest period of sobriety was 13 months. I'm tired.
I don't honestly feel I deserve better than this tho, and I'm not sure it's in the cards for me. I have some issues with aa even tho I know it's worked for others. Is there another way? Is there any hope for me? Thank you for reading this. I'm scared.
I believe it's time for a change in attitude. Give up scared. Give up the apathy and shame.
Time to get mad. Mad at alcohol. It's stolen and stealing the life you deserve. It's hurting your relationships with husband and sons. You need to hate alcohol. Then turn your back on it and walk away.
We'll help as much as we can.
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