Lance40

Sometimes I deal with angry and negative thoughts. For instance, I'll wake up on a work day or be walking to work and build a scenario of how something will go at work and then get all angry and worked up about it. It almost never turns out the way I have built it up to be. Or for instance I'll be walking over a crosswalk at a red light and someone wanting to turn will honk at me and then I get worked up and think of things I wish I would have yelled or done. Usually at some point when it's happening I become aware that I should change my thoughts, but another part of me feels so good to stew over things. The thing is, I'm the only one suffering when I live in this. I'd like to hear some discussion on tips or practices to deal with this. I saw someone mention a gratitude practice - how is this done?

Anna

A Gratitude Journal is a good idea because it helps your mind focus on the positive things in your life, rather than the negative. When I keep a gratitude journal, I usually just list a few things at the end of the day that I am grateful for. What happens is that your mind begins to focus on the good things that happen each day, so that you will have something to write at the end of the day.

You're not alone in dealing with negative and angry feelings, and I agree with you that when we do this, we are doing it to ourselves.

Lance40

Thanks Anna. Just this past week I've started carrying a notebook around to help me better organize my life, make lists, write down important things, etc. It's perfect timing for me to start a gratitude journal.

Spacegoat

Following this as I'm pretty much at my wits end today.

Think I'l take a few sleeping tablets. And if that doesn't work I'l be really pissed.

doggonecarl

Look up ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) and how to combat them. Like you said, part of you likes doing it. We usually do what works for us. Figure out what you are getting out of this behavior, then work on finding other ways to receive what it is you are getting out of negative thinking and anger.

anattaboy

Good question Lance. I find smiling meditation works. All that means is practicing smiling (like, even walking or doing the dishes) and the mind will follow. It works. Remembering to do it is the hard part. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist master, has a lot to say about this and was my inspiration. His book on anger was the best I've read.

Dee74

I try countering each negative thought with two positive ones.

On the wider scale, I try to keep my expectations of others realistic, I can't control what others do.

The honking horns and stuff? again not yours or mine to control.
Someone else might be having a bad day...

I walk with a cane...I get that occasionally at crossings but not often...I smile and wave

Don't sweat the small stuff, and the stuff you have no control over

silentrun

That happens to me too. Sometimes my anger can be productive and get me to change something. When I start running random scenarios or get irritated constantly I know it is something else. About a year after I quit I was put on some anti depressants and they helped quite a bit. Cutting out sugar helped too because it causes me mood swings. Something is probably out of whack. A quick fix for me is to start singing my favorite song while acting it out.

strategery

I was told about the gratitude thread from Bimini Blue. That has done a lot of good things to help me reframe my thinking. Similar to Anna, I would recommend focusing on gratitude.

The other thing I tend to do is if I start getting into really negative territory, I make myself stop and won't let it go further since that kind of thinking tends to breed even more negative thinking (I literally mentally say, "stop". If I keep going I just keep interrupting the thought pattern with, "stop").

biminiblue

Strategery, I actually say that out loud. With practice all this starts becoming the new normal.

Reframing negative thoughts works! What I think, I become.

I don't let them gain a stronghold.

least

I too have found gratitude keeps me in balance. When I am grateful, I am positive. I also find that during stressful situations, I don't have to react. Horns honking, I just ignore them. I can't control others' behavior so it's a waste of my time to even try. I'd rather put that energy into loving my dogs and cats.

Soberwolf

Great advice Lance there is a book called the chimp paradox that deals with this exact thing its an exellent book

Thatdeliveryguy

Are you angry and them or yourself. Careful to consider this, makes a huge difference. Are you in patient and irritable to begin with, or are these fleeting moments in time.

If you're angry with yourself and inpatient, then you have to focus on the idea the world wasn't built in a day and doesn't revolve around. However, in recovery I think you should be selfish but try to be patient.

In naturally in patient, then you must try to focus on what makes you feel this way. if innate, that makes it particularly difficult, but can be overcome by looking at the true situation, your place in the situation and how it really affects . If the light cost you an extra minute, then really is a minute worth getting mad at. I don't think so, but been there done that.

ulfr

what i find helpful is writing down what your are feeling then rip it up its helps me get my anger or emotions out when i rip them up
it don't work for everyone but i find it useful myself

Lance40

Just a quick note to thank everybody who posted. I'm practicing the things I've read here. The smiling meditation felt really weird at first and it took a little while but all of a sudden the smile was "real" and I felt the warmth and happiness spread through me. While reading about ANT therapy, it really struck me how negative thoughts send negative chemicals to our bodies and positive thoughts send feel-good chemicals to our bodies. One thing I've had to do several times today is firmly and assertively say out loud in a stage whisper in my office, "I CHOOSE TO STAY IN THE PRESENT AND NOT ENTERTAIN THESE THOUGHTS" - kinda weird but it works.

sg1970

Lots of good thoughts. I believe this is one of those things that gets easier the more you practice it.

One thing I like to remind myself is that when I was drinking I spent the majority of my time angry and feeling sorry for myself. As far as I can tell we only live once. I don't have time for those feelings anymore and want the rest of my life to be as positive as humanly possible.

I've been reading "The power of now" and it has some interesting perspectives on issues like this.