Acheleus

I went to a meeting earlier and I felt strange there. I feel like I don't know how to live sober because I just spend time alone. I assume people don't like me. I broke up with an abusive alcoholic who has made me feel crazy for a year. I'm five months sober but I feel like my life is over. I don't have anyone to call. Too late to call sponsor. I don't know who I am. This post doesn't make any sense. In the evenings alone like this I don't feel alive and I have this deep knowledge that I will always feel alone and unstable. It hurts to hurt all the time and I guess alcohol used to help me but it quit working a long time ago. Maybe I am feeling the after effects of getting out of a toxic relationship. I'm glad to be nearly six months sober. My sense of humor is coming back and I am gradually acting more open. At least I don't have to get peed on in the bed anymore or watch drunk ex act careless and mean. I'm sober on a Friday night and I'm glad

Fly N Buy

You may be by yourself but you are not alone
Glad you are here among friends! Six months is terrific - you should be proud of your efforts.

Kind regards

Acheleus

Thank you. I know other people struggle as well. I'm glad to be here with you all. I never knew quitting drinking would mean I have to change so much about myself.

SoberLeigh

I didn't either, Acheleus, but the changes have been part of a very positive experience in my life. I would bet that you will find it to be the same.

As FlyN said, you are not alone.

Alynn

Most definitely among friends! 6 months is awesome! Your doing great and you should be proud of yourself!

Soberwolf

Congrats on your near 6 months Acheleus your not alone bud

Acheleus

Thank you. I'm going to try and get some sleep.

Sebastian84

Hi Acheleus, congratulations on nearing half a year - that's sensational, and inspirational to someone like me.

We just spoke about 'Change' in the meeting, and everyone agreed that small things we can change from day to day, but big change is slow, gradual, but ultimately worth it. I'm so glad to hear that your sense of humour is returning to you, and that you are beginning to feel more open. Keep going! It'll only get better from here.

Dee74

It takes time for everyone Ach. I had no idea I would be living this life (a life I love) 7 years ago, because I had no experience of living this way - do you see??

Have faith. You had a bad experiemce, but you got out of it.

We've both been drunk - there's nothing there for us.
You're sober - thats the very best thing you could be

I look forward to seeing what you discover about your life and yourself
D

Acheleus

Thank you so much Dee. I guess being with an alcoholic has given me a taste of the abuse I heaped on a sweet woman I loved very much. I know the primary thing in my life is sobriety. But being with an active alcoholic has made me feel absolutely insane and so bad about myself. I'm lucky I did not relapse when she brought alcohol into my place. An older woman in aa told me she probably wanted me to drink. I'm mad at myself for getting sucked into a sick relationship but I will get stronger. I didn't have one thing in common with this person except alcoholism. I was nine months sober and her instability contributed to my relapse. Now I'm plugging away on my own so I can get better. This is the way it should be.

Notimetoloose

(((Acheleus)))
Congratulations on your sobriety....It is tough coming out of a toxic relationship, a little like addiction in so far as it can be all consuming....it takes a little time to find ourselves again once freed...
It takes a little time, give yourself a little time, it will get better....far far better.

retiredusaf

It is NEVER too late to call your sponsor!

Esspee

Well done on 5 months sober.

I'm only on Day (quick count on fingers 20) but I've just realised when I was drinking things 'happened' (or else I was too drunk to care) whereas now if I want entertainment/to have company etc I have to make it happen.

At a time like this (5am and wide awake as the neighbours dogs are in the garden barking their heads off!!) I find my company online.

Sorry if a bit of a ramble - still half asleep!

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Ach. In the beginning it's kind of that we don't know what we don't know. That is to say, we're ignorant as to the full depth and breadth of our ignorance. Over two years in to sobriety I'm still figuring stuff out. Of course that's not just sobriety...it's life in general. Alcoholics often don't confront or solve problem, we just use booze to postpone dealing with them at all, just kicking the can down the road. So when we get sober it's not that we have a bunch of new problems- it's that our eyes are finally opened to the ones that were always there. It's like finding a bunch of bills that you set aside and forgot to open. They don't go away because you ignore them nor do they magically appear when you discover them.

Congrats on six months my friend! That's a pretty big milestone. I think I have some idea of how tough it must have been to reach this point, so you deserve to feel good about it!

GoesWithTheFlow

Sorry you feel alone. But I am happy you are six months sober! That is awesome dedication.

digdug

You just went through a rough breakup with an abusive ex. What you're feeling is what anyone would feel in your situation, regardless of whether or not they're an alcoholic.

In early sobriety, these feelings can seem amplified because we're not used to feeling them. We drank them away. We have to learn how to "feel" things again the way normal people do. But normal people still feel pain, hurt, anger and remorse after a breakup. Don't beat yourself up for having these feelings.

So how about a plan for support? It's good to have support when dealing with a breakup. Have you talked with your sponsor about it? Did you reach out and call anyone else in the program? Maybe just go out to dinner or coffee with someone from your home group. It might do you well to get your mind off things by spending time with people in the program and developing deeper friendships that can fill the void of your past relationship.

So how's school going?

Acheleus

Thanks all. Yes I told my sponsor who is in my field and much older. School is horribly stressful but I know I will be better having a mean drunk out of my life. I am in the top half of my class so I'm hoping I can improve this semester and move up some. I Did call my first sponsor. I moved towns to go to school and this drunk lives out of town so that is good. I'm surprised I am sober because she always drank around me even though she knew it bothered me when she brought it into my house. I'm so mad at myself for being weak. My dad told me to grow a pair.

Redemption28

Ive felt like that many times as well. It will improve with time and you getting more confident and by meeting knew people you can socialize with.

Loneliness can be really tough to deal with.

Acheleus

Yea I feel abandoned. It's good she isn't bothering me though. One of my exes talked some sense into me. I'm going to push through the pain and learn from it. I deserve to be respected and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't respect my sobriety

SoberLeigh

We won't abandon you, Acheleus; stick with us.