OMG! I don't know where to start!!!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Riverview, MI
Posts: 20
OMG! I don't know where to start!!!!!!!
I think this is going to be a long post, so please bare with me! I just had a VERY emotional time right before I posted this! Let me just post some real quick info about myself
Name: David J
Gender: Male
D.O.B.:11/20/86
I'll start out with this first.....these are the lyrics to the song I just listened to two times. This is SUCH a great song. Amy Lee (the lead singer) has such a beautiful voice and she puts so much emotion into this song. I would suggest everyone download this song or buy this band's album, as I've heard great things about this band! However, to be honest, it really made me break down and start crying. I imagined myself walking across my basement, to kill myself, but in my mind, I did not carry it out, and actually thought about doing it! I'm getting really sick of my life!..........However, the hope of things turning out better, and me having a lot more life to live (I will be 18 in November, and be going into my Senior year of H.S. shortly) and the known pain and agony it would cause all of my family comes to mind, I just couldn't do it! I just could not look down from heaven, and still see problems in my family still unsolved, and my family mourning over me.
My Immortal
by Evanescence
I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
This song really gets to me. This tells how I feel about my life.
"I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone"
This song also really gets to me because my dad is an alcoholic. He will be 52 years old in September, and I am getting very sick of him. My mom has given up on him, and my family and I are still in the "Merry-Go-Round Named Denial". We (my mom, my brother, and my dad surely) all know he is an alcoholic, but don't really aknowledge the fact. My mom, who is 54, has given up on him. The thing is though...I still think there's hope. I have done research about alcoholism and different groups, like A.A. over the past several months. I recently visited this site here within the past few days. I used the Instant Messaging service, and talked to a lady named Diane. I gave her a run down of my situation, and she suggested I attend an Al-Anon meeting. It turns out the church I go to (St. Cyprian) hosts Al-Anon and A.A. meetings every Thursday @ 7:30 PM!
I almost did not go this past Thursday. Even when I drove there, I didn't park right in the church parking lot. I parked a block away, and walked there. This church also has a school and classes (up to 8th grade). The Al-Anon meeting was held in the 8th grade classroom. When I got in there, the meeting was filled with a bunch of middle aged women, and I thought I was in the wrong place, but then a lady asked me "Al-Anon?" and I replied with "Yes", and found a seat. I usually try to hold back my tears during an emotional time in front of people I don't know, but when telling these people about my situation, I couldn't hold back. One of the ladies gave me a couple of pamphlets with information, including "Alcoholism, A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial", (which I referenced to earlier in this post) which I read today, and BOY does it hit the nail on the head.
However, the thought of trying to discuss this issue with my mom seems very difficult. (By the way, my mom only drinks because my dad does, and she is not an alcoholic) I have already talked to her about it 2x within the past 8 months or so, and nothing ever came out of it. Like I said, they are 52 (my dad) and 54 (my mom) years old, and after living with my dad for so long, I think my mom thinks that there is no use in trying to get him to change now, or if he ever will change! The thing is, my dad is not a bad guy. He has never beaten me, and he has always had a job to help support us financially, but I have never had a great relationship with him. That's why when talking to my mom the first time about this issue, and she said "Well why don't you talk to him about it?", pinning it all on me, it was very unrealistic. I'm going to need to get myself, my brother, and my mom all on the same page if we're to have any hope.
Just today, my dad went on another drinking binge at home. My parents recently went on vacation for a few days, and made a stop at a winery. Of course my dad bought a ton of wine, and brought a bunch back home. Well, he was drinking up some of that wine today, all while he was trying to assemble a new barbeque/grill he bought. Well, by the time dinner time rolled around, he must have had 1-2 bottles of wine in him and he was still drinking. Well, when he drinks, he really repeats himself, and oftentimes, my brother will get on him for that, and he was today. He was also kind of high strung, and really talkative and getting pretty annoying. Well, my mom ended up saying something along the lines of "Can you just be quiet for 5 minutes", and mentioned something about "hell on earth". And my brother Steve said something to him like "Geez, can't you just act normal?" Oh, and I also just remembered my dad was looking for the pepper. He was standing up looking for it on the counter and by the stovetop, and it was to the left of the stovetop, and it probably took my dad 30 seconds just to find it, just further showing what alcohol in excess will do to you...make you a complete moron! My mom ended up saying something along the lines of "We'll get you some help..." but not really meaning it, meaning it more like "GEEZ, won't you get help!!!" I also believe she still likes him..she even said it today at dinner, it could basically be translated as "I like you, but not when you are drinking..." That's what it basically boiled down to. While this was happening, I was saying to my mom here and there, "Mom, I need to talk to you after dinner..." I even helped clean up, hardcore after I was done eating, so my mom wouldn't have so much to clean up.
We never talked after dinner though. I was planning on telling her about my visit to the Al-Anon meeting, as I never told her I went. She kept asking me where I went on Thursday, earlier today, and asked if I went to someone's house. I said "Yeah, I went to a house"; (God's house that is, I would have ended up telling her today, had I talked to her about my little visit.
If you have happened to make it this far in my post THANK YOU :smile:, and PLEASE HELP!
There may be some stuff I left out here and there, believe it or not, and I will surely add more stuff and questions about my situation. I could really use a story that is inspirational for myself and my family members though! Any kind of recovered alcoholic success story! I am planning on attending an open A.A. meeting to try to get some advice and input, and get a different perspective on this whole issue; a perspective from a recovred alcoholic.
I am getting kind of tired now, so I'm going to bed! I wish the best of luck to everyone else who is in a similar situation as I am, and DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!!
David J
Name: David J
Gender: Male
D.O.B.:11/20/86
I'll start out with this first.....these are the lyrics to the song I just listened to two times. This is SUCH a great song. Amy Lee (the lead singer) has such a beautiful voice and she puts so much emotion into this song. I would suggest everyone download this song or buy this band's album, as I've heard great things about this band! However, to be honest, it really made me break down and start crying. I imagined myself walking across my basement, to kill myself, but in my mind, I did not carry it out, and actually thought about doing it! I'm getting really sick of my life!..........However, the hope of things turning out better, and me having a lot more life to live (I will be 18 in November, and be going into my Senior year of H.S. shortly) and the known pain and agony it would cause all of my family comes to mind, I just couldn't do it! I just could not look down from heaven, and still see problems in my family still unsolved, and my family mourning over me.
My Immortal
by Evanescence
I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
This song really gets to me. This tells how I feel about my life.
"I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone"
This song also really gets to me because my dad is an alcoholic. He will be 52 years old in September, and I am getting very sick of him. My mom has given up on him, and my family and I are still in the "Merry-Go-Round Named Denial". We (my mom, my brother, and my dad surely) all know he is an alcoholic, but don't really aknowledge the fact. My mom, who is 54, has given up on him. The thing is though...I still think there's hope. I have done research about alcoholism and different groups, like A.A. over the past several months. I recently visited this site here within the past few days. I used the Instant Messaging service, and talked to a lady named Diane. I gave her a run down of my situation, and she suggested I attend an Al-Anon meeting. It turns out the church I go to (St. Cyprian) hosts Al-Anon and A.A. meetings every Thursday @ 7:30 PM!
I almost did not go this past Thursday. Even when I drove there, I didn't park right in the church parking lot. I parked a block away, and walked there. This church also has a school and classes (up to 8th grade). The Al-Anon meeting was held in the 8th grade classroom. When I got in there, the meeting was filled with a bunch of middle aged women, and I thought I was in the wrong place, but then a lady asked me "Al-Anon?" and I replied with "Yes", and found a seat. I usually try to hold back my tears during an emotional time in front of people I don't know, but when telling these people about my situation, I couldn't hold back. One of the ladies gave me a couple of pamphlets with information, including "Alcoholism, A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial", (which I referenced to earlier in this post) which I read today, and BOY does it hit the nail on the head.
However, the thought of trying to discuss this issue with my mom seems very difficult. (By the way, my mom only drinks because my dad does, and she is not an alcoholic) I have already talked to her about it 2x within the past 8 months or so, and nothing ever came out of it. Like I said, they are 52 (my dad) and 54 (my mom) years old, and after living with my dad for so long, I think my mom thinks that there is no use in trying to get him to change now, or if he ever will change! The thing is, my dad is not a bad guy. He has never beaten me, and he has always had a job to help support us financially, but I have never had a great relationship with him. That's why when talking to my mom the first time about this issue, and she said "Well why don't you talk to him about it?", pinning it all on me, it was very unrealistic. I'm going to need to get myself, my brother, and my mom all on the same page if we're to have any hope.
Just today, my dad went on another drinking binge at home. My parents recently went on vacation for a few days, and made a stop at a winery. Of course my dad bought a ton of wine, and brought a bunch back home. Well, he was drinking up some of that wine today, all while he was trying to assemble a new barbeque/grill he bought. Well, by the time dinner time rolled around, he must have had 1-2 bottles of wine in him and he was still drinking. Well, when he drinks, he really repeats himself, and oftentimes, my brother will get on him for that, and he was today. He was also kind of high strung, and really talkative and getting pretty annoying. Well, my mom ended up saying something along the lines of "Can you just be quiet for 5 minutes", and mentioned something about "hell on earth". And my brother Steve said something to him like "Geez, can't you just act normal?" Oh, and I also just remembered my dad was looking for the pepper. He was standing up looking for it on the counter and by the stovetop, and it was to the left of the stovetop, and it probably took my dad 30 seconds just to find it, just further showing what alcohol in excess will do to you...make you a complete moron! My mom ended up saying something along the lines of "We'll get you some help..." but not really meaning it, meaning it more like "GEEZ, won't you get help!!!" I also believe she still likes him..she even said it today at dinner, it could basically be translated as "I like you, but not when you are drinking..." That's what it basically boiled down to. While this was happening, I was saying to my mom here and there, "Mom, I need to talk to you after dinner..." I even helped clean up, hardcore after I was done eating, so my mom wouldn't have so much to clean up.
We never talked after dinner though. I was planning on telling her about my visit to the Al-Anon meeting, as I never told her I went. She kept asking me where I went on Thursday, earlier today, and asked if I went to someone's house. I said "Yeah, I went to a house"; (God's house that is, I would have ended up telling her today, had I talked to her about my little visit.
If you have happened to make it this far in my post THANK YOU :smile:, and PLEASE HELP!
There may be some stuff I left out here and there, believe it or not, and I will surely add more stuff and questions about my situation. I could really use a story that is inspirational for myself and my family members though! Any kind of recovered alcoholic success story! I am planning on attending an open A.A. meeting to try to get some advice and input, and get a different perspective on this whole issue; a perspective from a recovred alcoholic.
I am getting kind of tired now, so I'm going to bed! I wish the best of luck to everyone else who is in a similar situation as I am, and DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!!
David J
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: lostin La
Posts: 4
David,
I am a recovering alcoholic and an adult child of a recovering alcoholic.i cant give you much AL-Anon advice but i can tell you my experiences as an alcoholic. You can do absolutely noting to keep an alcoholic from drinking. and i mean nothing. my suggestion to you would be to seek out a councelor familiar with substance abuse, al anon, and adult children of alcoholics. I feel that you should focus on your problems with your parents drinking and not their drinking problems. my recovery works best when i only deal with things i can control and learn to accept what i cant control. you are suffering from the disease of alcoholism, you just aren't the one getting to drink.
To thine own self be true.
Work on yourself an lead by example.
I am a recovering alcoholic and an adult child of a recovering alcoholic.i cant give you much AL-Anon advice but i can tell you my experiences as an alcoholic. You can do absolutely noting to keep an alcoholic from drinking. and i mean nothing. my suggestion to you would be to seek out a councelor familiar with substance abuse, al anon, and adult children of alcoholics. I feel that you should focus on your problems with your parents drinking and not their drinking problems. my recovery works best when i only deal with things i can control and learn to accept what i cant control. you are suffering from the disease of alcoholism, you just aren't the one getting to drink.
To thine own self be true.
Work on yourself an lead by example.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey David...
Welcome to SR...
My Immortal... absolutely awesome song.
I come here to have my tears wiped David... and I've been doing a bit of screaming as well... ;o)
I'm 48 now... been a while since I was 18... but I have an alcoholic father as well....
David... you have to guard your mind against thoughts like these. Please.... don't even entertain them for a second.
No matter how bad things may feel at any given time... we always have the choice to make it better for ourselves.
I'm in kindergarten right now about expectations around other people... specifially... significant others... but I remember so well wanting my Dad and my Mom to be there for me... and it never happened... in fact... they just took and took...
Emotionally unavailable... both of them...
But boy... could they spew their sh*t though...
It can be a rough ride... but you have the chance to change that. I hope you take it and go on to live a better life than your Dad.
Please... continue to post here... we can all get through the hard times together.
Welcome to SR...
My Immortal... absolutely awesome song.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I'm 48 now... been a while since I was 18... but I have an alcoholic father as well....
I imagined myself walking across my basement, to kill myself, but in my mind, I did not carry it out, and actually thought about doing it! I'm getting really sick of my life!..........
No matter how bad things may feel at any given time... we always have the choice to make it better for ourselves.
I'm in kindergarten right now about expectations around other people... specifially... significant others... but I remember so well wanting my Dad and my Mom to be there for me... and it never happened... in fact... they just took and took...
Emotionally unavailable... both of them...
But boy... could they spew their sh*t though...
It can be a rough ride... but you have the chance to change that. I hope you take it and go on to live a better life than your Dad.
Please... continue to post here... we can all get through the hard times together.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi David and welcome!
We'll offer alot of support for you. You have many good years ahead of you with the proper guidance, and understanding. We understand. Make it a mission to better yourself for yourself! Find peace and happiness. You can't do anything about your parents, it's their issue, though yes, it affects you. Alanon can help you, so don't be afraid, we have meetings here as well on Monday and Friday, if that will help you get a feel for them and the courage to keep going.
We're glad your here!
We'll offer alot of support for you. You have many good years ahead of you with the proper guidance, and understanding. We understand. Make it a mission to better yourself for yourself! Find peace and happiness. You can't do anything about your parents, it's their issue, though yes, it affects you. Alanon can help you, so don't be afraid, we have meetings here as well on Monday and Friday, if that will help you get a feel for them and the courage to keep going.
We're glad your here!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Hi David! And everyone! I’m new here too! ( I like David will probably write a novel sorry everyone! But as we all know it helps to write!!)
My heart ♥ goes out to you so much as I wipe the tears from my eyes♥ I grew up in a home filled with alcoholics from my parents to my siblings. I was adopted so I guess they say I did not inherit the gene or the “disease�. I have lived all those feelings that you shared here and I have to say that it is normal and natural but you will get through this because you have gained the ability to allow God into your life. The power of prayer although some people are skeptical is an amazing way to help ourselves. Remember that you need to do what you need to do for yourself and know that you are heading in the right direction! I give you so much credit for going to the meetings. I have been told over and over to go them and still have not @ age 36. I did however go through counseling with a substance abuse counselor and learned to do the work to get rid of all my childhood nightmares with growing up in a home with alcoholics. I did the work and it was a long road but I thank God for taking that step in my life. I know that what I need to do for myself and if others do not like that is their problem. I have to live for me and I want to live in this life happy without chaos. I have a brother who is now 6 months sober after almost 30 years of drinking. He lost everything his job of 25 years his wife of 26 years and his children. I look at the time that he was in the start of his recovery and feel so proud of not only him now but proud of myself that I was able to detach myself from him and his excessive phone calls and emotional abuse that he gave to me. I listen and talk to him weekly now and it is amazing the feeling to have my brother back the person that he only allowed himself to be part time. He is 48 years old and has started life over…..and I’m so proud of him. He made the choice! I struggle now with a man that I’m dating and it has become exhausting-I did not know that he was an alcoholic when we started to date and now it has appeared more and more. The excessive phones calls when I’m not there …the accusations of me not giving him what he needs, the accusations of me cheating etc……he always finds something to argue about. He tells me he will back off the drinking and told me tonight (as he was drunk) after having a great night last night of no alcohol that he will NEVER GO TO AA. I feel badly for him and know that I need to detach myself from him but I’m finding it so hard to deal with because I have been in this situation before but not with someone other than a family member. (If anyone has any suggestions!!! HELP!) But I do know that I have to protect myself and remember as you do David that it is not me it is them and their “disease�. My husband passed away after we were married only 3 short months and I look back and remember those feelings that I know people of alcoholism feel. I was angry, I was lost, I hurt, and I made everyone around me suffer because I was suffering. It was not a way to live and I realized this after one week in my life where I came home from work and drank myself to sleep and then one night took about 60 different pills. I woke up in the hospital and said “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?� This is not the path I want to be on…I do not want to be like my family I want to be happy that is what my husband would have wanted. So off to counseling I went and did the work on me and I keep my husband in a corner of my heart that no one can touch and where he does not effect my loving again. So you see no matter if we are alcoholics or in your case and mine involved with alcoholics the pain is there. The feelings are the same in any situation of loss it is just up to us how we choose to handle it. I think that you will be fine David! You are young and you’re a smart man to take the path you are. I wish you all the best in your healing-
Remember this much David that those who take the choice to recover are taking that choice because of their own need….there is nothing we can do or say to force them make that choice other than detaching ourselves and taking care of our own needs. When things become uncomfortable for someone who is drinking for whatever reason it maybe …even if it means hitting rock bottom that is when THEY will choose to change their own life or not. It is up to you to learn how to deal with someone in your life because you love them but it is not your choice to get them to stop, it is their own. So take care of YOU and remember you are not alone in this situation! God bless and prayers David…..you’re on the right path!
Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. Remember that the next time you find yourself at the beginning. ♥ ♥ ♥
My heart ♥ goes out to you so much as I wipe the tears from my eyes♥ I grew up in a home filled with alcoholics from my parents to my siblings. I was adopted so I guess they say I did not inherit the gene or the “disease�. I have lived all those feelings that you shared here and I have to say that it is normal and natural but you will get through this because you have gained the ability to allow God into your life. The power of prayer although some people are skeptical is an amazing way to help ourselves. Remember that you need to do what you need to do for yourself and know that you are heading in the right direction! I give you so much credit for going to the meetings. I have been told over and over to go them and still have not @ age 36. I did however go through counseling with a substance abuse counselor and learned to do the work to get rid of all my childhood nightmares with growing up in a home with alcoholics. I did the work and it was a long road but I thank God for taking that step in my life. I know that what I need to do for myself and if others do not like that is their problem. I have to live for me and I want to live in this life happy without chaos. I have a brother who is now 6 months sober after almost 30 years of drinking. He lost everything his job of 25 years his wife of 26 years and his children. I look at the time that he was in the start of his recovery and feel so proud of not only him now but proud of myself that I was able to detach myself from him and his excessive phone calls and emotional abuse that he gave to me. I listen and talk to him weekly now and it is amazing the feeling to have my brother back the person that he only allowed himself to be part time. He is 48 years old and has started life over…..and I’m so proud of him. He made the choice! I struggle now with a man that I’m dating and it has become exhausting-I did not know that he was an alcoholic when we started to date and now it has appeared more and more. The excessive phones calls when I’m not there …the accusations of me not giving him what he needs, the accusations of me cheating etc……he always finds something to argue about. He tells me he will back off the drinking and told me tonight (as he was drunk) after having a great night last night of no alcohol that he will NEVER GO TO AA. I feel badly for him and know that I need to detach myself from him but I’m finding it so hard to deal with because I have been in this situation before but not with someone other than a family member. (If anyone has any suggestions!!! HELP!) But I do know that I have to protect myself and remember as you do David that it is not me it is them and their “disease�. My husband passed away after we were married only 3 short months and I look back and remember those feelings that I know people of alcoholism feel. I was angry, I was lost, I hurt, and I made everyone around me suffer because I was suffering. It was not a way to live and I realized this after one week in my life where I came home from work and drank myself to sleep and then one night took about 60 different pills. I woke up in the hospital and said “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?� This is not the path I want to be on…I do not want to be like my family I want to be happy that is what my husband would have wanted. So off to counseling I went and did the work on me and I keep my husband in a corner of my heart that no one can touch and where he does not effect my loving again. So you see no matter if we are alcoholics or in your case and mine involved with alcoholics the pain is there. The feelings are the same in any situation of loss it is just up to us how we choose to handle it. I think that you will be fine David! You are young and you’re a smart man to take the path you are. I wish you all the best in your healing-
Remember this much David that those who take the choice to recover are taking that choice because of their own need….there is nothing we can do or say to force them make that choice other than detaching ourselves and taking care of our own needs. When things become uncomfortable for someone who is drinking for whatever reason it maybe …even if it means hitting rock bottom that is when THEY will choose to change their own life or not. It is up to you to learn how to deal with someone in your life because you love them but it is not your choice to get them to stop, it is their own. So take care of YOU and remember you are not alone in this situation! God bless and prayers David…..you’re on the right path!
Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. Remember that the next time you find yourself at the beginning. ♥ ♥ ♥
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi David,
Funny how we make songs reflect what we are thinking at that time.
I absolutely love that song. She has such a "haunting" voice, it's kind of spooky.
Growing up, I was raised in the same situation as you are currently living in. My father was alcohlic, functional, and my mother drank with him, because her view was " if ya can't beat em, join em" Good thinking, right? Ha ha
Anyway, now that you have begun to attend al-anon, you will begin to understand that your fathers drinking does NOT have to impinge on YOUR life, or YOUR happiness.
You are almost 18, the world is open to you.
In fact, you can plan your escape from the drama, and ugliness you are now residing in. You can make a plan to continue your education, and get far away from all of this turmoil.
I felt so trapped as a child, because I could NOT envision a way out of the constant fighting, and physical violence against my mother, who was frozen and couldn't even begin to understand the situation she was in.
But, you've now got your H.P. on your side, so your opportunites are endless.
So many others are in the same situation as you are, but, there is hope, lots of hope.
Although you may not see it right now, you are starting in on the bottom floor. In my case, I couldn't relate why I had problems....UNTIL I went back to growing up, and realized what a big mess my childhood was. You have such an advantage starting al-anon now.
Remember, their mess is NOT reflective on your happiness. It sure seems that way to us living in the alcoholic home.
Please keep posting, we're all here to support you in this situation you are now living.
p.S. Roam around to the different forums in Sober Recovery. There is al-anon, and a friends and family site also.
Hugs David, keep posting.
Funny how we make songs reflect what we are thinking at that time.
I absolutely love that song. She has such a "haunting" voice, it's kind of spooky.
Growing up, I was raised in the same situation as you are currently living in. My father was alcohlic, functional, and my mother drank with him, because her view was " if ya can't beat em, join em" Good thinking, right? Ha ha
Anyway, now that you have begun to attend al-anon, you will begin to understand that your fathers drinking does NOT have to impinge on YOUR life, or YOUR happiness.
You are almost 18, the world is open to you.
In fact, you can plan your escape from the drama, and ugliness you are now residing in. You can make a plan to continue your education, and get far away from all of this turmoil.
I felt so trapped as a child, because I could NOT envision a way out of the constant fighting, and physical violence against my mother, who was frozen and couldn't even begin to understand the situation she was in.
But, you've now got your H.P. on your side, so your opportunites are endless.
So many others are in the same situation as you are, but, there is hope, lots of hope.
Although you may not see it right now, you are starting in on the bottom floor. In my case, I couldn't relate why I had problems....UNTIL I went back to growing up, and realized what a big mess my childhood was. You have such an advantage starting al-anon now.
Remember, their mess is NOT reflective on your happiness. It sure seems that way to us living in the alcoholic home.
Please keep posting, we're all here to support you in this situation you are now living.
p.S. Roam around to the different forums in Sober Recovery. There is al-anon, and a friends and family site also.
Hugs David, keep posting.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Mooselips what a GREAT saying!
"trapped" yes I remember that well as a child too! Keeping busy and out of the house as to not add to the turmoil around the house! Not knowing when the next lamp was going to be thrown at you-or the next punch...and wondering why!
Children are so precious as we all are today as we heal our inner child! David has a great start at an early age and is on the right path! Kudos!!!
(((Hugs)))) Moose
(((Hugs)))) David
Mooselips what a GREAT saying!
"trapped" yes I remember that well as a child too! Keeping busy and out of the house as to not add to the turmoil around the house! Not knowing when the next lamp was going to be thrown at you-or the next punch...and wondering why!
Children are so precious as we all are today as we heal our inner child! David has a great start at an early age and is on the right path! Kudos!!!
(((Hugs)))) Moose
(((Hugs)))) David
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Riverview, MI
Posts: 20
I appreciate your help everyone. However, my household is not a constant turmoil in the way some might think it is. There are not lamps being thrown, nor is my mom or myself or my brother being beaten by my dad. Some of the stupid little things my dad may do while under the influence may cause my dad to get over defensive though, trying to blame his mistakes on something else (when in reality, it was caused by him drinking)
It is very unenjoyable to be around my dad when he is drinking though. At dinner for example, I don't really like to talk too much when my dad is drinking, because he is highstrung and obnoxious. He is also usually complaining about work or whatever else may have upset him that day. As while he does not drink at dinner, he is a bit easily irritated and uptight.
Like I said in my first post, I think there is still hope for my dad. Here is one problem I have though. I don't have a great relationship with him, and I never had. I don't know what to do to try to form somewhat of a relationship with him either. When he is drinking, I don't really like bothering with him. I need to try to do the little things. Saying "hi" to him every day after he comes home from work, and trying to hold a conversation with him. It's also hard to talk to him when he falls asleep on the couch every day after dinner. I think my only hope is talking to my mom about this, along with having a bit better relationship with my dad. I want to attend another Al-Anon meeting, or try attending an Alateen meeting, or an open A.A. meeting to try to get a different perspective from some recovering/recovered alcoholics. I know people keep on telling me that I should worry about myself, but how am I supposed to just worry about myself when alcoholism is a family disease??? It affects the alcoholic and everyone he comes in contact with. I don't want to just let my dad continue the path he's on. I have a good feeling deep down inside that he would like to quit, but feels too ashamed to admit he has a problem. I think after attending one of those meetings, I'll tell my mom about it, and how I feel about this. One problem I have though, is that I'll conjure up what I want to say and how I feel, (before I fall asleep for example) and then the next day I will sort of forget.
Any more advice from someone who has been in a situation that is a bit more similar to mine, I would appreciate it.
It is very unenjoyable to be around my dad when he is drinking though. At dinner for example, I don't really like to talk too much when my dad is drinking, because he is highstrung and obnoxious. He is also usually complaining about work or whatever else may have upset him that day. As while he does not drink at dinner, he is a bit easily irritated and uptight.
Like I said in my first post, I think there is still hope for my dad. Here is one problem I have though. I don't have a great relationship with him, and I never had. I don't know what to do to try to form somewhat of a relationship with him either. When he is drinking, I don't really like bothering with him. I need to try to do the little things. Saying "hi" to him every day after he comes home from work, and trying to hold a conversation with him. It's also hard to talk to him when he falls asleep on the couch every day after dinner. I think my only hope is talking to my mom about this, along with having a bit better relationship with my dad. I want to attend another Al-Anon meeting, or try attending an Alateen meeting, or an open A.A. meeting to try to get a different perspective from some recovering/recovered alcoholics. I know people keep on telling me that I should worry about myself, but how am I supposed to just worry about myself when alcoholism is a family disease??? It affects the alcoholic and everyone he comes in contact with. I don't want to just let my dad continue the path he's on. I have a good feeling deep down inside that he would like to quit, but feels too ashamed to admit he has a problem. I think after attending one of those meetings, I'll tell my mom about it, and how I feel about this. One problem I have though, is that I'll conjure up what I want to say and how I feel, (before I fall asleep for example) and then the next day I will sort of forget.
Any more advice from someone who has been in a situation that is a bit more similar to mine, I would appreciate it.
Headed in the right direction.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 257
David, Thanks for posting...
First, I hope you keep going back to Al Anon. Even though there may be some middle aged ladies in there, it doesn't mean they haven't experienced and felt the same feelings you have right now. AND heck, it only takes one 18 year old to be in there and it isn't a room full of middle aged women any more, right? SO maybe when the next 20 year old, or 16 year old or 25 year old walks in the door, they may catch a glimpse of you and feel more at home.
Second, you must realize that alcoholism is not a disease that is only about a person's will power. After the first sip, all the will power is gone. Alcohol acts like a sedative in an alcoholic's brain, and YES, people do moronic things when they are drinking. The only time will power comes into play, is in refusing to take that first drink.
Third, you are incredibly BRAVE and SMART to try to find a way to deal with all of this stuff going on in your family. But the only person who can make your dad stop drinking is your dad. IF there is a chance that he will quit drinking and go to AA, the fact that you are in Al Anon (and maybe if your mom would go) will put the pieces of the puzzle in place .....so that if he wants to join in, then the stage is set, so to speak.
I'm an alcoholic and sober only 40+ days....but I thank god every night for my son and I often horrify myself with the thoughts of what I might have done to him when I was drinking. When I was caught up in the disease (drinking), I didn't realize that there were so many other people experiencing the same things: black outs, the inability to stop after one galss of wine, waking up in strange places...but now that I am reading about it, it seems so obvious - I was an alcoholic and I needed to stop drinking, period. Not slow down, not drink in modertion - ZERO. But it took some scary experiences to get me to swear off the stuff and start going to AA. During my drinking times, I absolutely loved my son just as much as I do now, but I wasn't able to show it because I didn't/couldn't/wouldn't admit my problem. NOW I see how wrong that is. SO, maybe your dad just isn't to a point where he wants to stop...yet. Be patient. Wait him out.
You are a beautiful person who is trying so hard to do the right thing. Your parents should be so proud of you! Don't give up hope. Pleeeeease don't give up on yourself.
Oh, and one more thing...try writing a journal. That way you could record your thoughts and you won't forget what you want to say after you fall asleep.
First, I hope you keep going back to Al Anon. Even though there may be some middle aged ladies in there, it doesn't mean they haven't experienced and felt the same feelings you have right now. AND heck, it only takes one 18 year old to be in there and it isn't a room full of middle aged women any more, right? SO maybe when the next 20 year old, or 16 year old or 25 year old walks in the door, they may catch a glimpse of you and feel more at home.
Second, you must realize that alcoholism is not a disease that is only about a person's will power. After the first sip, all the will power is gone. Alcohol acts like a sedative in an alcoholic's brain, and YES, people do moronic things when they are drinking. The only time will power comes into play, is in refusing to take that first drink.
Third, you are incredibly BRAVE and SMART to try to find a way to deal with all of this stuff going on in your family. But the only person who can make your dad stop drinking is your dad. IF there is a chance that he will quit drinking and go to AA, the fact that you are in Al Anon (and maybe if your mom would go) will put the pieces of the puzzle in place .....so that if he wants to join in, then the stage is set, so to speak.
I'm an alcoholic and sober only 40+ days....but I thank god every night for my son and I often horrify myself with the thoughts of what I might have done to him when I was drinking. When I was caught up in the disease (drinking), I didn't realize that there were so many other people experiencing the same things: black outs, the inability to stop after one galss of wine, waking up in strange places...but now that I am reading about it, it seems so obvious - I was an alcoholic and I needed to stop drinking, period. Not slow down, not drink in modertion - ZERO. But it took some scary experiences to get me to swear off the stuff and start going to AA. During my drinking times, I absolutely loved my son just as much as I do now, but I wasn't able to show it because I didn't/couldn't/wouldn't admit my problem. NOW I see how wrong that is. SO, maybe your dad just isn't to a point where he wants to stop...yet. Be patient. Wait him out.
You are a beautiful person who is trying so hard to do the right thing. Your parents should be so proud of you! Don't give up hope. Pleeeeease don't give up on yourself.
Oh, and one more thing...try writing a journal. That way you could record your thoughts and you won't forget what you want to say after you fall asleep.
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