A.a questions...again
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
I was being brought down a bit too in the beginning mainly by a meeting that all the court ordered AA's attended. I picked a couple of different meetings that I liked and stuck with them. Some meetings carry a more positive message than others. Have you tried different meetings?
Congrats on three months. That window from two to four months is a tough one. Find a recovery program that works for you and work it.
Congrats on three months. That window from two to four months is a tough one. Find a recovery program that works for you and work it.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
I have not been drunk since I quit drinking. That being said, I have more than once forgotten my commitment to myself and drank anyway in the past(once after 8 yrs. in AA). I now ascribe to the RR approach which leaves no such out for forgetting, feeling (I tend to forget when everything is zen) or any reason whatever--hence the "Big Plan" monicker. I do not have anything against AA but I do wish to spend my newfound freedom elsewhere (like with family and maybe cleaning the garage or some other neglected part of my life due to time spent drunk). SR is all I use and more lately to share what I learned here. It's not rocket surgery--stop drinking and start living. Breaking my word to myself is pre-meditated slow suicide on the drink issue.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I also have mixed feelings about AA. There are many, many people in the program who do NOT have what I want, who are not living lives I aspire to...
That being said, the philosophy of the program, the core of it, the letting go of the illusion of control and trusting that the universe will provide you with all you need (also a core philosophy of many religions) is something I DO aspire to. I also liked the self examination process of the steps (I like writing and journalling), and I appreciate the ethic of the prompt amends.
Most importantly, for me, I don't think I would have stayed sober through this last six months if I were not involved in AA in my community. While I treasure this on-line recovery community (and have actually found far more folks here whom I aspire to being like), the distant anonymity of this medium would have simply made it too easy for me to "drink and then apologize," and be forgiven and re-accepted. It is a lot harder (for me) to make that confession in front of twenty people who have been deeply supportive of my recovery. In the program here (in my small community), chronic relapsers, while supported with words, are eventually sort of excluded from the social sober community (not invited to the potlucks or dinners at people's homes, etc.); they simply aren't trusted, aren't "part of." I've put too much energy into the program to feel ok being excluded from it, it would hurt my feelings and I dread its possibility. The couple of times that I have had to surf very difficult urges to just have a drink, it has been the social repercussions of that choice which have ultimately prevented my drinking.
So whether I "want what they have" or not, apparently I very much want to get invited to their dinner parties...
With the AA community, it is an all or nothing proposition. You can log onto SR while drinking, still connect, still participate. When I chose the AA community, sobriety was my required cost for admittance. I could look around and say "wow, that's a high cost to hang out with this motley group...", because it is. And then I have to remember that I made the decision to quit drinking first, and got involved with AA to support that decision (I didn't quit drinking just so I could go to AA)...
Bottom line, as long as you don't drink, you get to keep "progressing in your sobriety" whether or not you regularly attend meetings. You can cycle in and out, as it suits you. If you are more involved, you get the benefit of a live support community...even if they are...well...not the people you want to become . For me, they are the people hiking along with me, at my side, up the mountain of "what I want to become." Fragile, damaged, enthusiastic friends. Just that, and nothing more...
That being said, the philosophy of the program, the core of it, the letting go of the illusion of control and trusting that the universe will provide you with all you need (also a core philosophy of many religions) is something I DO aspire to. I also liked the self examination process of the steps (I like writing and journalling), and I appreciate the ethic of the prompt amends.
Most importantly, for me, I don't think I would have stayed sober through this last six months if I were not involved in AA in my community. While I treasure this on-line recovery community (and have actually found far more folks here whom I aspire to being like), the distant anonymity of this medium would have simply made it too easy for me to "drink and then apologize," and be forgiven and re-accepted. It is a lot harder (for me) to make that confession in front of twenty people who have been deeply supportive of my recovery. In the program here (in my small community), chronic relapsers, while supported with words, are eventually sort of excluded from the social sober community (not invited to the potlucks or dinners at people's homes, etc.); they simply aren't trusted, aren't "part of." I've put too much energy into the program to feel ok being excluded from it, it would hurt my feelings and I dread its possibility. The couple of times that I have had to surf very difficult urges to just have a drink, it has been the social repercussions of that choice which have ultimately prevented my drinking.
So whether I "want what they have" or not, apparently I very much want to get invited to their dinner parties...
With the AA community, it is an all or nothing proposition. You can log onto SR while drinking, still connect, still participate. When I chose the AA community, sobriety was my required cost for admittance. I could look around and say "wow, that's a high cost to hang out with this motley group...", because it is. And then I have to remember that I made the decision to quit drinking first, and got involved with AA to support that decision (I didn't quit drinking just so I could go to AA)...
Bottom line, as long as you don't drink, you get to keep "progressing in your sobriety" whether or not you regularly attend meetings. You can cycle in and out, as it suits you. If you are more involved, you get the benefit of a live support community...even if they are...well...not the people you want to become . For me, they are the people hiking along with me, at my side, up the mountain of "what I want to become." Fragile, damaged, enthusiastic friends. Just that, and nothing more...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
It’s very difficult making suggestions to someone miles away with a unknown background of experiences. For me face to face meetings with people who understand each others sad eyes, tone of voice, facial expressions and general experiences are difficult to have over a one way wire.
This site is good for support but how many ever called someone for help or just say life is good that uses the site? Even the experience of a nod when meeting some one at the market or elsewhere.
Over many years I’ve seen many including myself “not get it” then suddenly at a meeting hear what they probably heard many times before and suddenly get it by pulling things needed together and not drinking again.
My biggest concern are those just beginning like myself way back, undisciplined and wanting things their way and resist because of alcoholic thinking which leads down a path never able to get sober.
BE WELL
It’s very difficult making suggestions to someone miles away with a unknown background of experiences. For me face to face meetings with people who understand each others sad eyes, tone of voice, facial expressions and general experiences are difficult to have over a one way wire.
This site is good for support but how many ever called someone for help or just say life is good that uses the site? Even the experience of a nod when meeting some one at the market or elsewhere.
Over many years I’ve seen many including myself “not get it” then suddenly at a meeting hear what they probably heard many times before and suddenly get it by pulling things needed together and not drinking again.
My biggest concern are those just beginning like myself way back, undisciplined and wanting things their way and resist because of alcoholic thinking which leads down a path never able to get sober.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TN
Posts: 365
Originally Posted by anattaboy 
I have not been drunk since I quit drinking. That being said, I have more than once forgotten my commitment to myself and drank anyway in the past(once after 8 yrs. in AA). I now ascribe to the RR approach which leaves no such out for forgetting, feeling (I tend to forget when everything is zen) or any reason whatever--hence the "Big Plan" monicker. I do not have anything against AA but I do wish to spend my newfound freedom elsewhere (like with family and maybe cleaning the garage or some other neglected part of my life due to time spent drunk). SR is all I use and more lately to share what I learned here. It's not rocket surgery--stop drinking and start living. Breaking my word to myself is pre-meditated slow suicide on the drink issue.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here and thanks for the thread tired~
I don't know if I'll stick with AA long term or not, but it has helped me get to 8 months which is miraculous. I do have a sponsor and work steps. The one thing that keeps me sober today is indeed the attainment of a modicum of a spiritual path - the knowledge there is more than just this temporal existence. For me this is much different than church. And yea, I really don't use the words higher power very often - but respect others interpretations.
Ultimately, as other have posted there are other ways to get sober. I think whatever method(s) we choose the important issue is we are ready to become brutally honest with ourselves, accept we cannot continue in the manner we were living and be willing to change our behaviors.
A big dose of humility actually helped me - I was ( some will say still am) a jerk
Anyway, keep staying undrunk - you're in your late 20's with kids, good time to get sober for yourself and those you love. Wish I had done it at your age
Kind Regards,
FlyN
I don't know if I'll stick with AA long term or not, but it has helped me get to 8 months which is miraculous. I do have a sponsor and work steps. The one thing that keeps me sober today is indeed the attainment of a modicum of a spiritual path - the knowledge there is more than just this temporal existence. For me this is much different than church. And yea, I really don't use the words higher power very often - but respect others interpretations.
Ultimately, as other have posted there are other ways to get sober. I think whatever method(s) we choose the important issue is we are ready to become brutally honest with ourselves, accept we cannot continue in the manner we were living and be willing to change our behaviors.
A big dose of humility actually helped me - I was ( some will say still am) a jerk
Anyway, keep staying undrunk - you're in your late 20's with kids, good time to get sober for yourself and those you love. Wish I had done it at your age
Kind Regards,
FlyN
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
"OUR PRIMARY PURPOSE IS TO STAY SOBER AND HELP OTHER ALCOHOLICS ACHIEVE SOBRIETY"<<<<<That's what AA is all about.
When I first got sober I wasn't like those people either. I didn't want to hear them cry about their problems. I was better than AA I didn't need it! Well after staying sober for a a year I ended up going back to AA. AA is about helping others stay sober too. Give AA a shot...you might be able to stay sober without it...but if you want quality sobriety, you should go to AA and get a sponsor to help you work the steps.
When I first got sober I wasn't like those people either. I didn't want to hear them cry about their problems. I was better than AA I didn't need it! Well after staying sober for a a year I ended up going back to AA. AA is about helping others stay sober too. Give AA a shot...you might be able to stay sober without it...but if you want quality sobriety, you should go to AA and get a sponsor to help you work the steps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: California
Posts: 87
Try a different meeting. I've been to some that sucked the life out of me, and others I felt like I had been recharged with great feelings. They can be very different.
My counselor said "if you went to a bar you didn't like, did you give up drinking?" Good point.
My counselor said "if you went to a bar you didn't like, did you give up drinking?" Good point.
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