Thepatman

Have a wonderful sober St-Valentine dinner with your husband. The benefits of the quality time will do you both good.

Your sponsor sounds stressful. Sobriety is not something to shove down your throat. One bite at a time, is the best way to eat an elephant.

Hawks

The point of that kind of sponsorship is to instill discipline in an otherwise undisciplined person.

It's a bit of tough love.

I Must admit I'm a bit shocked by the amount of people who have absolutely no experience with being sponsored like that, but are voicing strong opinions anyway.

It's like an initial Bootcamp thing SD.

My experience has been that the guys pulled me out of a deep dark hole, and yeah, I had to just take orders for a while.

Once i got out of the Hole, things relaxed.

Short term pain for long term gain.

Don't be put off by the opinions of those with no experience......have your own experience of it. Then decide.

Otherwise it's just another case of trying to predict outcomes before taking the action.

Which is pretty pointless really.

Alcoholism is not to be trifled with, especially if you have a really bad case of it.

You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Just gotta swallow your pride and do it.

Pach

Hey there Serenidad,

I hope you enjoyed your Valentine's dinner with hubby!
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First off, it does not sound like your sponsor is considering where you really are vs. aren't, in your personal recovery plan. You must live your own schedule with AA or whatever it is you choose for your recovery, so allowing others to determine that for you is a no-no. Yes, you need a lot of guidance but perhaps not a coup d'état! You know how your alcoholism is, how much and how often. You say you didn't drink every day, yet you feel you need to be in the program. That is great, because you are taking control of a bad situation, but you must be honest about your habits and needs.

Are you relapsing, ever? Have you tried to stay sober before? You may need more than you are comfortable with right now, but being smothered will never help you, it will repel you. We don't want that for you!

A gal I met at my first meeting was really trying to smother me, or was inadvertently, but I couldn't even make a text message without hers coming through and blocking mine, coming in at all hours of the night. This went on for two weeks.

I finally decided to be blunt and say that the reason I hadn't called her back was because, plain and simple, I couldn't. I was busy. Just like that. I told her that I felt she had a lot more time on her hands than I did and that my other responsibilities would end up suffering in my absence. She got the hint, was unwilling to offer any adjustments WHATSOEVER, laid off, and gradually disappeared. It was for the best. I think she needs to be needed. I don't. I just can't do that! LOL.

You need to make a plan for you that fits, and then ferret out the appropriate sponsor, and next time, be sweetly up front in your time-slots of availability, how much support you need, when you need it, etc.

Part of your recovery means that you will have the helm of your life and decisions, so start off on the right foot now. If you don't, and you waffle, another will take it and you'll be in the back seat. That could be people or alcohol or anything! You also don't want another to steal your thunder and take credit for what you are working so hard on doing yourself. Grab that bull by it's horns with both hands!

Accept and ask and appreciate help when it comes. But keep it in your outline of time and space so that it continues to work for you. You want the new routine to be successful, but it won't if all it is doing is annoying you.


Spend time doing your hobbies, and make sure that when you are alone with them, that you are in contact at least once during those times if you are in locations or around tempting times or people. Your sponsor will agree to this, as well as any other extra needs you have. Once you find your sponsor, make sure that you both understand and agree on your feelings about space and timing and obligations.

You'll do it!

Happy Valentine's Day,

Pach

FeenixxRising

Get another sponsor or stop using AA and the 12-Steps. This dopey woman wants to control your life. Be very careful.

FeenixxRising

And where in the program of AA (the BB, literature etc.) is that kind of sponsorship even mentioned, let alone talked about or condoned?

FeenixxRising

You're not screwing up, your sponsor is. She's creating her own program. What she's asking you to do isn't a part of AA.

If you're going to use AA and the 12-Steps, let the Big Book be your guide, and tell your sponsor you will only work the steps as mentioned in the Big Book. Specifically tell her you will not do anything that exceeds what is written in the Big Book.

Hawks

I used to say stuff like that, until I experienced it and it worked.

I'd relapsed so many times, ending it all looked like the only way out.

Desperate times.... Desperate measures