Sorry, don't know what to do but to post to get things out!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
Sorry, don't know what to do but to post to get things out!
Been putting off posting because I just feel I'm getting boring but I can't keep it in and just need somewhere to vent and have no other way of doing it. Struggling so much tonight. All I want to do is cry but have to try and not until my daughters in bed. Can't cope with these cravings and the frustration but I'm trying not to talk to anyone. Wanted to talk to my mum earlier or my friend but I feel like they're just going to be thinking 'not this again'.
I found it easier talking in the first few weeks but it's been a month and 2 days now and I'm afraid people are going to get fed up of it.
Everyone in work today talking about having a drink tonight because it's Friday and then went shopping and everyone seemed to have drink in their trolleys cz it's Friday and valentines day tomorrow. It's just everywhere. Even turning the radio and tv on it's just alcohol everywhere.
My gp said the other day it's better to just tell people because keeping it in means more pressure but can't just go around telling everyone in work and people I'm not really close to.
Came home and my parents said this will be the last year they'll be coming on holiday with us because of their age and my mums said she will def be needing an op on her hip because getting worse.
All the time lately I'm having health anxiety, fearing getting older, dying, losing my parents, getting Ill and old, everything changing, my daughter getting older and fearing the time I no longer have my parents and my daughters left, life going too quick. Dont know why I always think these things but can't cope with negative thoughts without alcohol.
I have a week off work now and usually tonight would be the best night of the holidays, getting drunk knowing I have a whole week off. Instead I'm sad frustrated agitated and don't know what to do with myself or why I'm choosing this life when it's so much harder.
I won't drink, I made the decision and I won't let anyone down but I hate it.
I don't need reassurance not to drink because I'm not going to. I don't even know why I'm posting but I just don't know what else to do. I feel hopeless and like nothing's ever going to get better.
Found a quote earlier. Just because the monkeys off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. Makes sense but I just feel like I'm never going to escape the circus!
Sorry for the vent but don't know what else to do!
I found it easier talking in the first few weeks but it's been a month and 2 days now and I'm afraid people are going to get fed up of it.
Everyone in work today talking about having a drink tonight because it's Friday and then went shopping and everyone seemed to have drink in their trolleys cz it's Friday and valentines day tomorrow. It's just everywhere. Even turning the radio and tv on it's just alcohol everywhere.
My gp said the other day it's better to just tell people because keeping it in means more pressure but can't just go around telling everyone in work and people I'm not really close to.
Came home and my parents said this will be the last year they'll be coming on holiday with us because of their age and my mums said she will def be needing an op on her hip because getting worse.
All the time lately I'm having health anxiety, fearing getting older, dying, losing my parents, getting Ill and old, everything changing, my daughter getting older and fearing the time I no longer have my parents and my daughters left, life going too quick. Dont know why I always think these things but can't cope with negative thoughts without alcohol.
I have a week off work now and usually tonight would be the best night of the holidays, getting drunk knowing I have a whole week off. Instead I'm sad frustrated agitated and don't know what to do with myself or why I'm choosing this life when it's so much harder.
I won't drink, I made the decision and I won't let anyone down but I hate it.
I don't need reassurance not to drink because I'm not going to. I don't even know why I'm posting but I just don't know what else to do. I feel hopeless and like nothing's ever going to get better.
Found a quote earlier. Just because the monkeys off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. Makes sense but I just feel like I'm never going to escape the circus!
Sorry for the vent but don't know what else to do!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Vent away!!! You will figure out how to cope without the booze. This is normal. I understand not wanting to talk about it with people anymore. They do get tired of hearing about it. This is why SR is perfect for those situations. Try not to dwell in the future because that will steal your present.
We are with you JGirl
We are with you JGirl
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 576
I am having one of those weeks myself...I am somehow upset at everyone else for some reason because it's their fault and their decision that I can't have a beer...And I keep telling myself I am an adult, I can do whatever I want whenever I want..Then come the thoughts of the consequences , the physical pain , the depression knowing I let myself down....
But somehow , some way , in the back of my mind , I am still mad at everyone else for it.. And this thought comes and goes...Unfortunately , it is here with me this week..
Hang in there....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Jadedgirl, I hope you can get through this.
Things will get better as you continue recovery. But remember that stopping drinking is only the beginning. You will have to take steps to make changes in your life that will help you get what you want out of life. What can you do today, one small thing, to bring you closer to the life you want?
Things will get better as you continue recovery. But remember that stopping drinking is only the beginning. You will have to take steps to make changes in your life that will help you get what you want out of life. What can you do today, one small thing, to bring you closer to the life you want?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,880
We will never get fed up with you, JadedGirl; in fact, I have missed seeing posts from you.
Sobriety will not always be this difficult; you will eventually become comfortable and truly happy within your sober-skin. Allow the process to happen. It WILL happen.
My alcoholic years were, in many ways, wasted years; I wish that I had the missed experiences and opportunities of those years for a sober 're-do'.
It is going to get better, JadedGirl - much better; I promise.
Sobriety will not always be this difficult; you will eventually become comfortable and truly happy within your sober-skin. Allow the process to happen. It WILL happen.
My alcoholic years were, in many ways, wasted years; I wish that I had the missed experiences and opportunities of those years for a sober 're-do'.
It is going to get better, JadedGirl - much better; I promise.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
A month in I started to make a few changes to my habits/routines in life, as already mentioned Sobriety is more than simply not drinking, we need to build a life to be proud of!!
I had to sit down and really ask myself, why did I chose to be Sober? what do I now want to do with my life? new projects, new interests, rekindle old interests, go out and meet new people, new friends, new activities.
It won't happen over night, but small changes and steps will all add up over time, we need to start building a life for ourselves, sitting in every friday night feeling awful is not a longterm solution, we need to build a Sober life for ourselves, a new lifestyle which doesn't revolve around alcohol!!
Hang in there!!
I had to sit down and really ask myself, why did I chose to be Sober? what do I now want to do with my life? new projects, new interests, rekindle old interests, go out and meet new people, new friends, new activities.
It won't happen over night, but small changes and steps will all add up over time, we need to start building a life for ourselves, sitting in every friday night feeling awful is not a longterm solution, we need to build a Sober life for ourselves, a new lifestyle which doesn't revolve around alcohol!!
Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Scotland
Posts: 11
This post is really making me think. Sounds so much like myself where I have lost control of all areas and worry about what has happened and what is to come. Stopping drinking is my attempt to get some control back into my life but in the process the withdrawal symptoms eat away at that control.
My heart goes out to you as I can fully relate to how you are feeling.
Tartan
My heart goes out to you as I can fully relate to how you are feeling.
Tartan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh 
We will never get fed up with you, JadedGirl; in fact, I have missed seeing posts from you.
Sobriety will not always be this difficult; you will eventually become comfortable and truly happy within your sober-skin. Allow the process to happen. It WILL happen.
My alcoholic years were, in many ways, wasted years; I wish that I had the missed experiences and opportunities of those years for a sober 're-do'.
It is going to get better, JadedGirl - much better; I promise.
Sobriety will not always be this difficult; you will eventually become comfortable and truly happy within your sober-skin. Allow the process to happen. It WILL happen.
My alcoholic years were, in many ways, wasted years; I wish that I had the missed experiences and opportunities of those years for a sober 're-do'.
It is going to get better, JadedGirl - much better; I promise.
Been all positive in work today was exhausting and trying to get myself out of this state of mind but nothing's working....nothing compares to the way I want to feel and then I just want to drink to stop myself being so pathetic.
I know eventually I'll say it's amazing but right now sobriety sucks!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
Thankyou to everyone else too. Usually talking, posting, venting helps a little but nothing tonight. Do t know what to do except for drink coffee, smoke and try and lose myself in a book to distract myself. Want to live though and not just be distracting trying to get through the hard nights. Don't know what to do or how to do it to 'make a different life'
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I drank for 20 years - luckily it didn't take me 20 years to get sober
It did take months tho - and it was a little more than not drinking...I had to learn how to handle all the crises and trials and tribulations of life, sober.
Support was important to me - if you feel your family and friends really are tired of you, there's always support here...and in other places like AA or other recovery groups.
I also had to learn to let some stuff go - I was used to running everything, including a lot of 'other peoples stuff' I really should not have had responsibility over.
Leaving my post as General Manager of the Universe cut down my stress a lot
You're going through some pretty normal stuff - normal but trying...and you're not drinking - thats a very good thing. Don't forget that.
Things will get better, honestly
D
It did take months tho - and it was a little more than not drinking...I had to learn how to handle all the crises and trials and tribulations of life, sober.
Support was important to me - if you feel your family and friends really are tired of you, there's always support here...and in other places like AA or other recovery groups.
I also had to learn to let some stuff go - I was used to running everything, including a lot of 'other peoples stuff' I really should not have had responsibility over.
Leaving my post as General Manager of the Universe cut down my stress a lot
You're going through some pretty normal stuff - normal but trying...and you're not drinking - thats a very good thing. Don't forget that.
Things will get better, honestly
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I remember when I was first sober and had a break from work/school....it f.r.e.a.k.e.d me out because I too, like you, previously started the break with an all out drunkathon. It was important for me to make a list of thing I could do with myself and I could refer to it when I needed to keep myself busy. I hope you can think of some fun things to do with your time
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
[QUOTE=JadedGirl;5199524]Been putting off posting because I just feel I'm getting boring but I can't keep it in and just need somewhere to vent and have no other way of doing it. Struggling so much tonight. All I want to do is cry but have to try and not until my daughters in bed.
You are doing so well!!
You are not at all boring.
We are here to listen to you vent. You listen to us too.
Never ever feel like you can't post how you feel here.
Came home and my parents said this will be the last year they'll be coming on holiday with us because of their age and my mums said she will def be needing an op on her hip because getting worse.
All the time lately I'm having health anxiety, fearing getting older, dying, losing my parents, getting Ill and old, everything changing, my daughter getting older and fearing the time I no longer have my parents and my daughters left, life going too quick. Dont know why I always think these things but can't cope with negative thoughts without alcohol.
If this is how you are feeling and what you are thinking then stopping drinking is the best way forward in my opinion.
You get to spend good quality time with the people you love. Letting them know how much you love them.
You are not wasting time drinking, being hungover, wondering what you said if you had had one too many or if you have upset someone.
I don't think they are negative thoughts as such...they are just the thoughts that life brings us when we have family we love.
You are doing so, so well.
I really do wish you the best xx
You are doing so well!!
You are not at all boring.
We are here to listen to you vent. You listen to us too.
Never ever feel like you can't post how you feel here.
Came home and my parents said this will be the last year they'll be coming on holiday with us because of their age and my mums said she will def be needing an op on her hip because getting worse.
All the time lately I'm having health anxiety, fearing getting older, dying, losing my parents, getting Ill and old, everything changing, my daughter getting older and fearing the time I no longer have my parents and my daughters left, life going too quick. Dont know why I always think these things but can't cope with negative thoughts without alcohol.
If this is how you are feeling and what you are thinking then stopping drinking is the best way forward in my opinion.
You get to spend good quality time with the people you love. Letting them know how much you love them.
You are not wasting time drinking, being hungover, wondering what you said if you had had one too many or if you have upset someone.
I don't think they are negative thoughts as such...they are just the thoughts that life brings us when we have family we love.
You are doing so, so well.
I really do wish you the best xx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: NorCal
Posts: 41
Hi JadedGirl,
Hang in there. I'm only on day 5. I've been working on staying sober for a few months. I am doing little things. Not trying to tackle anything to big at once. Tidy a drawer, not a closet. Toss/donate things I haven't worn in a year. Go through a kitchen shelf or cabinet. It feels good to accomplish things that I've thought about for ever. Now that I'm not drunk I get things done. When I drink I procrastinate and get nothing done except wake up with a hangover. I've enjoyed waking up with a clear head. Do something different, something you've never done to get your mind off negative thoughts. Google "new hobbies" or "getting things done" or "what to do when I'm bored" to get some ideas.
I wish you well and keep it up!
Hang in there. I'm only on day 5. I've been working on staying sober for a few months. I am doing little things. Not trying to tackle anything to big at once. Tidy a drawer, not a closet. Toss/donate things I haven't worn in a year. Go through a kitchen shelf or cabinet. It feels good to accomplish things that I've thought about for ever. Now that I'm not drunk I get things done. When I drink I procrastinate and get nothing done except wake up with a hangover. I've enjoyed waking up with a clear head. Do something different, something you've never done to get your mind off negative thoughts. Google "new hobbies" or "getting things done" or "what to do when I'm bored" to get some ideas.
I wish you well and keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
Sober, you will have so many memories to make with your girls and your grandchildren. Don't lose that opportunity! And, you will be such great comfort to your parents as they age, but only if you stay sober. Hang in there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
Thanks guys for all the support appreciate it so much and sorry for being such a moany pants tonight. It's 1.20am now and feeling better. Cravings have died down.
Having a bit of a panic as I'm doing my reiki training in a week and worried my state of mind would mean I wouldn't be great doing it right now so explained to my trainer and she hasn't been on yet and wishing I hadn't but hey suppose can't take it back and if I'm judged I'm judged. Eek. Gonna be a late one tonight but just glad things have died down now and got through it. This is a hell of a rollercoaster huh :-/
Xxxx
Having a bit of a panic as I'm doing my reiki training in a week and worried my state of mind would mean I wouldn't be great doing it right now so explained to my trainer and she hasn't been on yet and wishing I hadn't but hey suppose can't take it back and if I'm judged I'm judged. Eek. Gonna be a late one tonight but just glad things have died down now and got through it. This is a hell of a rollercoaster huh :-/
Xxxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by INgal
Sober, you will have so many memories to make with your girls and your grandchildren. Don't lose that opportunity! And, you will be such great comfort to your parents as they age, but only if you stay sober. Hang in there!
When I do tho I'm not gonna be drunk nwanna I'm gna be cool but sober nanna haha
I do appreciate the sentiment tho and that's what I want...to remember the memories rather than either be too drunk or too hungover to appreciate them xx
New Life Sober
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 777
hey JadedGirl, I see you worry about what other people think? I am like that too. I have a lot of Social Anxiety built inside of me. Worried about how people would think about me, or how I speak, or do anything.
We are here for a reason, to help each other to get through our hard times, good times and whatever it could be.
You can do anything if you put your mind to it. Keeping venting, posting, whatever to ease the pain..
I am on my 10 days, I am sober tonight and You can do this too!!
We are here for a reason, to help each other to get through our hard times, good times and whatever it could be.
You can do anything if you put your mind to it. Keeping venting, posting, whatever to ease the pain..
I am on my 10 days, I am sober tonight and You can do this too!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
Nobody said it would be easy
Hi J Girl
What you are feeling are natural thoughts, giving up the booze is scary, the thought of staying the course and proving you can do it, the thought that maybe you can't and letting everyone down - so much pressure!
But you can do this. You are the one who has to finally make the call and see the booze for what it really is - a temporary fix to your problems/ anxieties that will put you into a drunken haze when you don't have to worry about them for a while. But when you wake up to that hangover from hell because you haven't drank in a while you will hate yourself. It is just so not worth it.
Take one day at a time and congratulate yourself for getting through it, reward yourself with a smile! Give your daughter a hug and think how proud she will be to have your with her fit and healthy and (sober) on her wedding day :-).
You can do this, you chose this road, right now it's getting a little steep and uphill but carry on because it is easier just around the bend .....
What you are feeling are natural thoughts, giving up the booze is scary, the thought of staying the course and proving you can do it, the thought that maybe you can't and letting everyone down - so much pressure!
But you can do this. You are the one who has to finally make the call and see the booze for what it really is - a temporary fix to your problems/ anxieties that will put you into a drunken haze when you don't have to worry about them for a while. But when you wake up to that hangover from hell because you haven't drank in a while you will hate yourself. It is just so not worth it.
Take one day at a time and congratulate yourself for getting through it, reward yourself with a smile! Give your daughter a hug and think how proud she will be to have your with her fit and healthy and (sober) on her wedding day :-).
You can do this, you chose this road, right now it's getting a little steep and uphill but carry on because it is easier just around the bend .....
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