Change4good

I almost feel as if I can't come back here, after falling down so many times.

My life took an amazing upswing during sobriety, and I am going to jeopardize everything if I continue not taking care of myself.

My ask of friends here. . .talk to me about how you recovered from relapse.

I have been with you all for over 3 years. I hate to fall down again.

SoberJohn

Falling down is part of the sobriety process. Don't look at it as a failure but a lesson and learn from it. Biggest relapse mistake I always made was moderation...that is a very bad word and will sink any effort towards sobriety. Stay close.

aasharon90

Hospitals never turn down sick people.
The same thing here in SR. So many
are sick with addictions to alcohol,
drugs, etc and remain sick until they
seek help and take their daily medicine
or apply a program of a recovery program
to themselves on a daily bases to get
healthy again.

When we go to the doctor, we tell them
about about our symptoms, what hurts,
how we are feeling, and then they give
us a prescription, give us advice to take
ourselves and follow the instructions so
we can get better.

The same thing applies to our addiction.
I was sick when I entered recovery. The
doctor came in to talk to me to find out
what was going on with me, talked to me
about a program of recovery to take
daily, medicine so that I could begin to
heal in mind, body and soul.

As long as I take my recovery meds
everyday and follow his suggestions
then I would begin to feel better. The
doctor advised me that just as a diabetic
will always have this disease, so would
I. As long as the diabetic takes his meds
each day and applies a healthy routine
of eating well, exercise, take time to relax,
then he could manage a healthy lifestyle
even living with his disease.

The same thing applies to us as alcoholics
or those with addiction. I learned that I
couldn't get healthy on my own and that
I needed a regiment, a program of recovery
to incorporate in my everyday life in order
to remain sober, healthy, happy and honest.

It may seem like a hard pill to swallow
but its not when we are trying to stay
alive.

aldo1981

Hey C4L

People like us find it harder to get back up because when fall we fall hard…. Look at each post as a helping hand to get you back on your feet with your head held high... Support is everything and here there is plenty.

Take care of yourself

Dee74

You are never unwelcome here C4G

Clearly though, you need to do something different, some thing more than what you've been doing.

What happens between the point where you post here full of good intent and genuine promises of change, and you drinking again?

how can you prevent that happening this time?

D

Saliena

There is a better way. You have to find what works for you before you sink the boat.

Foolsgold186

You can do this. Pick yourself up and start again.

My last relapse I thought that's it - game over. I had no fight left, but something wouldnt let me give up. What I had sober was my glimmer of hope. I fought with all I had because I knew the only person that could save me was myself.

Stay strong. Wishing you well.

L x

doggonecarl

When I relapsed I spent a lot of time doing the mental gymnastics of justifying it. Afterward I had to work on that and work on why I felt it necessary to use, to lose five years clean time. Because if I did it once, I could do it again.

I recommitted to recovery and pray I don't slack off.

I don't recall beating myself up about it...at least not too much.

newddaytoday

I know it is never easy, but we have to keep trying.

mecanix

I think my whole life was a relapse from about 99 through till 11 .
What finally stopped me was realising my life was finite with my grans death .

I deserve to be sober free and happy , if not now then when i asked myself ..

So get up and get on with it change4 , lots of things to do and see.
how many more minutes , hours or days are you willing to give to this drink monster who steals life ..
I might be lucky and have 14,300 days left (if i live till 80) probably less .. if i gave you $14300 how many are you willing to rip up and set fire too ? risking the rest of your stash going up in flames too with that fire ?

No time like the present for living fully and free , keep on

m

Eddiebuckle

Change,

To quit drinking, you need to be willing to remove from your life anything that prevents you from staying sober. Honestly look back at the times that you relapsed - what were the circumstances? Where and with whom were you? What was your emotional state?

In my time sober, I have met more than a few people who wanted to get sober, but weren't ready to quit the things that led them back to drinking. Desire alone is not enough, we need to ready and willing to change anything that puts our sobriety at risk.

These are the things that I had to do to get sober:

1. Go to rehab for six weeks
2. Break relationships with "friends" where alcohol was the only thing we had in common
3. Stop going to bars
4. Didn't visit family (all drinkers) for almost a year
5. Joined AA
6. Went to AA meetings daily (360 in first year)
7. Got a sponsor
8. Worked with and met sponsor every week
9. Went to a psychiatrist for 18 months
10. Joined weekly mens sobriety group therapy for first year
11. Avoided restaurants that served alcohol
12. Read dozens of books about recovery and spirituality
13. Stopped playing golf with my old drinking buddies

I didn't plan to do all these things when I decided to quit drinking. I made these choices as I went along, because I could sense unease/discomfort when in situations that made me want to drink. Sobriety takes a daily effort; initially that effort was a 24/7 thing, but as months went on, my new life began to take shape, my new friends and habits became my routine, and my life became one that I loved.

One of the things I heard early on that I didn't believe at the time, but now recognize as true: every thing you do is either bringing you closer to sobriety or taking you closer to your next drink. There are NO gray areas. This disease will kill you - make your choices accordingly.

EndGameNYC

Hi C4G.

I posted this on a different thread. Maybe you'll find something useful in it for yourself.

The short version: At some point, you only need to really want it.

. . .

I can only speak for myself. When I relapsed after twenty five years, I had not been doing the things I did to achieve sobriety for about ten years before I picked up the drink again. In retrospect, my attitudes and my behaviors were changing for the worse during those years. As subtle and as insidious that process may have been at times, I did nothing to shut it down. Instead, I waited for things to get better. I just needed to "get myself together" again, though this never included returning to AA or doing much of anything else that helped me to get sober. It was a wish based on ego and willpower; essentially an act of bad faith on my part that eventually (and relentlessly) generalized across everything else in my life.

I never struggled with cravings during my many years of sobriety, and I rarely thought about drinking, so I never imagined that I'd pick up drinking again. And when I did, it was very casual on my part with no pressure, internal or otherwise, to do so. I was okay with it for a time, but it inevitably brought me to a much worse place than I'd ever been before. I'd suffered a couple of traumatic losses during my sobriety -- around ten years before I picked up the drink -- but they never moved me to drink, or to even come close to doing so. (Other people in my life are convinced that my grieving processes around these losses were "incomplete." I don't know and, at this time and place in my life, it no longer matters.)

Although my three-year relapse didn't wipe out everything I'd achieved during my sobriety, I did end up losing everything dear to me in life, not the least of which was my reputation. I suffered intense and chronic heartache both during and after I started drinking again. There are still times when I look back in utter sadness and dismay at all the damage I'd done.

Getting sober the second time has been the most difficult thing I've ever done, and it was not something that I at first intended to do. Too difficult and too much water under the bridge. Much easier to die as an active alcoholic. Time, forgiveness and lots of work has been my remedy. For me, it could be no other way. (To me, our individual "plan" for recovery chooses us, rather than the other way around.) Time does its own thing, but the process of forgiving myself and taking actions to build a better life are always ongoing. I don't ever again want to be anything like the person I was becoming for the several years of sobriety (abstinence) that lead up to my drinking again, or the person I was when I did start drinking.

Contrary to my thoughts during my relapse, I now believe that I was not meant to spend my time drinking my life away. And that is precisely what I'll be doing should I ever drink again.

Anna

I'm sorry that you relapsed.

Of course, you can find your way back. What changes can you make in your life that would prevent another relapse? What happened to cause your last relapse? Answering those questions will help you to move forward with confidence.

Soberwolf

Build a cast iron plan to get sober put your heart & soul into sobriety

it really is worth it

PurpleKnight

Going back to drinking flagged up to me that my plan wasn't working, and simply doing the same thing and expecting different results was not a way forward, instead I needed to change things up, do something different, get more radical in my decision making and choices about what activities to get involved in and what people to hang our with!!

There's no point beating yourself up, it's in the past, all you can do is change the future, but learning from where things went wrong is important, is there enough acceptance that alcohol is not working in your life? are you changing up your routines/habits? are you putting yourself in situations where alcohol is too much of a temptation? Do you have enough support in your plan?

You can do this!! Go at things again!!

tomsteve

although it happens, it is not part of the sobriety process. it is part of the disease.
Idk how to recover from relapse, but to recovery from alcoholism I made a decision to go to any lengths- to do whatever I had to do- to get and sta sober.
Then got into action and put in the footwork.
But before thatI was at a point I got out of denial and admitted to myself a few things:
Alcohol was going to kill me.i didn't want it to.
I hated myself. I didn't want to.
My existence revolved around alcohol. I didn't want to exist anymore. I wanted to live and do it without alcohol.
Alcohol was the common denominator in all my problems. I wanted a common denominator that helped me solve my problems.

Surrendering helped me win.

biminiblue

There is no room for that first drink.

Whatever daily little decisions back that up are the ones I choose.

JanieJ

Change4good, I didn't get sober seriously until it started affecting my health and I was forced to face the facts about what it was doing to me.

But now I am ever vigilant. Ever listening out for my addiction finding new ways to get me to drink.

Get a plan and work it, and keep working at it. It's the only way. There's no room for fantasy or wishful thinking in this game.

As others have said, what can you learn from your relapses ? How can you stop them from happening ?

I learnt that my AV is more like a whisper than a shout. A little trickle of suggestion that seeps in when I'm least expecting it. Forewarned is forearmed, so get familiar with your AV's tricks, and know that it is never right, whatever it says. Staying sober is right.

You can do this, C4G.

Wastinglife

I have had to make sweeping changes to my life to stay sober. I basically live like a hermit. I don't have a social life at all. I am single but stopped dating, don't meet the boys to watch sports over a few pints, and I don't visit family. I'm lonely, bored, and miserable, however, I am sober. I put sobriety before everything else.

Outside my job, I see my therapist and go to AA a couple times a week. It's gotten me to a year sober. It's something that must do for now. My life won't always be like this but for now it has to be. I have lost everything before and this is my last shot at life. I've been in jails, hospitals, rehab. Next will be homelessness or death if I don't stay sober.

Don't ever give up!

Dee74

how are going now Change4Good?

D