At what point do you give up?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Flynbuy 
When you went to AA did you Get a sponsor? Go to daily to meetings? Work the Steps? Some simply attend meetings which is the fellowship, but not the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The program is the above three suggested ways..... I would emphasize strongly suggested. If you did those things, what part(s) did you struggle with?? Kind Regards
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Serenidad
I'm just not strong enough to overcome them! They are sooooo strong!!! :-(
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Originally Posted by Serenidad
Thx Dee! I know "logically" the cravings will lessen if I don't drink but when you are having one. They are so strong! They literally take over! I feel like I need to lock myself into a jail cell!
Dee...I know you never went to AA and have been sober for a long time? Seriously...how did you do it???
Dee...I know you never went to AA and have been sober for a long time? Seriously...how did you do it???
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think most folks know my story.
The turning point for me was acceptance - acceptance that I was an alcoholic - and the acceptance that I could not drink 'like everyone else'.
So I stopped drinking. I did everything I could to maintain that commitment. I still do, nearly 3 years on - every day.
I nearly died, so fear played a large part in that - I also spent a lot of time here@ SR reaching out, and a lot of time tossing and turning, kicking the walls and deliberately not going out when all I wanted was to run down the road and get a bottle.
It's not easy but I believe it is possible to do that and not give in to the inner voice. The folks here helped me immensely by giving me faith in myself when I had none.
But yeah, not drinking only got me so far. I see not drinking as only the first step in a long journey. I had to change the person I was too.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
To heal my 'void', the first step is to stop poisoning myself with drink. I then had to get into what the void was, and how best I could start healing it.
It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more.
I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective.
I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover.
It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday.
You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL.
I'm not looking to start a school - I hope my experience helps others but I'm just a guy who found what he needed because he really wanted to quit and he looked hard enough for the way that worked for him.
I encourage everyone to do that. Start the process right away tho - don't wait for 'your way' to fall into your lap - you'll only find 'your way' by going out looking for it, trying a bunch of stuff - and not drinking.
I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike.
But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards
D
The turning point for me was acceptance - acceptance that I was an alcoholic - and the acceptance that I could not drink 'like everyone else'.
So I stopped drinking. I did everything I could to maintain that commitment. I still do, nearly 3 years on - every day.
I nearly died, so fear played a large part in that - I also spent a lot of time here@ SR reaching out, and a lot of time tossing and turning, kicking the walls and deliberately not going out when all I wanted was to run down the road and get a bottle.
It's not easy but I believe it is possible to do that and not give in to the inner voice. The folks here helped me immensely by giving me faith in myself when I had none.
But yeah, not drinking only got me so far. I see not drinking as only the first step in a long journey. I had to change the person I was too.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
To heal my 'void', the first step is to stop poisoning myself with drink. I then had to get into what the void was, and how best I could start healing it.
It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more.
I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective.
I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover.
It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday.
You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL.
I'm not looking to start a school - I hope my experience helps others but I'm just a guy who found what he needed because he really wanted to quit and he looked hard enough for the way that worked for him.
I encourage everyone to do that. Start the process right away tho - don't wait for 'your way' to fall into your lap - you'll only find 'your way' by going out looking for it, trying a bunch of stuff - and not drinking.
I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike.
But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards
D
The more you face a craving and get through it, the stronger your 'sober muscles' will get
if you take drinking off the table as a viable option, no matter what - then you're forced to find other, healthier ways to deal with stuff...and you will Serenidad
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Serinidad, I've followed a few of your threads and IMO there's a few things I read.
You want to do it your way.
You want the easiest way.
You want it now and have burned through a lot of different methods of recovery tryig to find the easiest, quickest way.
And it ain't happening any of the ways
You blamed AA for the cravings saying meetings makes them stronger. I'm going to take a stab and say ya haven't been to a meeting inna while so that's untrue. It's alcoholism causing it.
It doesn't matter which method you TRY. If you TRY, it won't work.
You have to DO the method of recovery. Not just DO it one day and BAM! No more problems with alcohol.
It was about 6 months before I made a full 24 hours without even thinking about a drink.
Some seriously hard days in there. Serious fighting the obsession( the craving didn't kik in with me until after a drink). Some days were down to one minute at a time.
But just as promised I ceased fighting alcohol.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.
But it took action.
And every friggin second, every sleepless nite, every second all that was on my mind was drinking and I was fighting....
Was worth it.
I never would have thought surrndering would save me.
You want to do it your way.
You want the easiest way.
You want it now and have burned through a lot of different methods of recovery tryig to find the easiest, quickest way.
And it ain't happening any of the ways
You blamed AA for the cravings saying meetings makes them stronger. I'm going to take a stab and say ya haven't been to a meeting inna while so that's untrue. It's alcoholism causing it.
It doesn't matter which method you TRY. If you TRY, it won't work.
You have to DO the method of recovery. Not just DO it one day and BAM! No more problems with alcohol.
It was about 6 months before I made a full 24 hours without even thinking about a drink.
Some seriously hard days in there. Serious fighting the obsession( the craving didn't kik in with me until after a drink). Some days were down to one minute at a time.
But just as promised I ceased fighting alcohol.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.
But it took action.
And every friggin second, every sleepless nite, every second all that was on my mind was drinking and I was fighting....
Was worth it.
I never would have thought surrndering would save me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 750
Wow, what an awesome thread! Thank you everybody for posting some of the real "nuts and bolts" of this recovery thing.
Serenidad, I too am feeling a craving right now and am VERY uncomfortable. Just woke up from a nap and I feel disgusting (Sometimes that happens to me so Im not blindsided by it...) So I am here reading and am sipping coffee. It's slowly coursing through me and passing as I type. I will be ok, a craving will not kill me, but giving in to it could. You will be ok. Just stay put.
Serenidad, I too am feeling a craving right now and am VERY uncomfortable. Just woke up from a nap and I feel disgusting (Sometimes that happens to me so Im not blindsided by it...) So I am here reading and am sipping coffee. It's slowly coursing through me and passing as I type. I will be ok, a craving will not kill me, but giving in to it could. You will be ok. Just stay put.
Last edited by Justincredible; 02-02-2015 at 04:58 PM. Reason: grammar
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Dee74
Someone else once asked me that... Bottom line is ...Cravings pass. You may feel like you're going to explode but it's not really agony - it's discomfort. It's not pleasant but it's not going to kill us: we're just not used to feeling discomfort The more you face a craving and get through it, the stronger your 'sober muscles' will get if you take drinking off the table as a viable option, no matter what - then you're forced to find other, healthier ways to deal with stuff...and you will Serenidad D
The more you face a craving and get through it, the stronger your 'sober muscles' will get if you take drinking off the table as a viable option, no matter what - then you're forced to find other, healthier ways to deal with stuff...and you will Serenidad DMember
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,880
Originally Posted by Serenidad
Thanks Dee. I really love what you posted. I don't believe in myself right now but I will believe that YOU believe in me and maybe one day...I WILL believe in myself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
When you were sober the 5 1/2 years it was with AA for a good chunk of that right? Were you miserable the whole time you were sober? I am not in AA nor am I being snarky I am just trying to understand your aversion to it now.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
Serenidad, what exactly do you currently do when you're hit by a craving?
Here for instance are some things I do --
eat something, preferably something sweet, fatty, or both...
call someone, preferably another person in recovery...
jump up & down 100 times...
pester someone on SR by PM...
go to an AA meeting (even if I don't like them or want to, they help me not drink)...
Above all, I don't go anywhere NEAR people, places, or things I associate with drinking if I'm in a vulnerable way. That means no bars, no buying people wine as gifts, no cocktail parties or receptions where alcohol is served, no hanging out with people who trigger me or strolling through the liquor aisle at the supermarket nostalgically.
Start using the tools in your toolbox now! You can do this!
Here for instance are some things I do --
eat something, preferably something sweet, fatty, or both...
call someone, preferably another person in recovery...
jump up & down 100 times...
pester someone on SR by PM...
go to an AA meeting (even if I don't like them or want to, they help me not drink)...
Above all, I don't go anywhere NEAR people, places, or things I associate with drinking if I'm in a vulnerable way. That means no bars, no buying people wine as gifts, no cocktail parties or receptions where alcohol is served, no hanging out with people who trigger me or strolling through the liquor aisle at the supermarket nostalgically.
Start using the tools in your toolbox now! You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
You never give up, never EVER!!
It took me a full year to crack Sobriety, for me giving up wasn't an option, I wanted a piece of happiness in my life and alcohol I knew was one thing standing in my way, so I dug in, gave alcohol no quarter and did what needed to be done!!
If I can be honest, sometimes Serenidad, I think you over think things, thinking about problems and hurdles is not helpful, keep it simple, don't let alcohol touch your lips today and that's job done, do the same tomorrow and you're on your way!!
Don't give up Serenidad!! You can do this!!
It took me a full year to crack Sobriety, for me giving up wasn't an option, I wanted a piece of happiness in my life and alcohol I knew was one thing standing in my way, so I dug in, gave alcohol no quarter and did what needed to be done!!
If I can be honest, sometimes Serenidad, I think you over think things, thinking about problems and hurdles is not helpful, keep it simple, don't let alcohol touch your lips today and that's job done, do the same tomorrow and you're on your way!!
Don't give up Serenidad!! You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I empathize with you, Serinidad. When I first got sober, my AV (or whatever you want to call it) was still really active and it presented a real challenge. I still don't know how I walked by the liquor store on the first day out of rehab without going inside. I did, however, go inside a bar later that day....only to have some fish tacos and leave without drinking. I was hanging on by a thread.
I only went to AA in the very beginning, but haven't been in a long time. How'd I do it? Well, in my case I felt like I'd hit rock bottom and I didn't want to go back there. Every time I thought about a beer or a drink, I remembered just how bad things had become. Lost job. Lost partner. Seizures. Rehab. I simply would NOT live my life under those conditions any more.
You owe yourself a better life than the one drinking gives you. Sitting at home guzzling wine every night...whoopdee doo. There's more you can accomplish with a sober life. Maybe it's a good idea to start thinking about some goals. Some dreams. Something to grab onto when those cravings hit. Is there anything you've always wanted to do but you haven't been able to because of finances, health, or just being too afraid? Quitting drinking will give you that chance you have been looking for!
I only went to AA in the very beginning, but haven't been in a long time. How'd I do it? Well, in my case I felt like I'd hit rock bottom and I didn't want to go back there. Every time I thought about a beer or a drink, I remembered just how bad things had become. Lost job. Lost partner. Seizures. Rehab. I simply would NOT live my life under those conditions any more.
You owe yourself a better life than the one drinking gives you. Sitting at home guzzling wine every night...whoopdee doo. There's more you can accomplish with a sober life. Maybe it's a good idea to start thinking about some goals. Some dreams. Something to grab onto when those cravings hit. Is there anything you've always wanted to do but you haven't been able to because of finances, health, or just being too afraid? Quitting drinking will give you that chance you have been looking for!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
We have not given up on you!
Here are a couple of random thoughts which might or might not be of use to you.
a) Are you still taking those Klonopins or whatever pills you were taking? If you are hooked on those, it might really hinder you. Being hooked on pills while not drinking is half measures.
b) Have you considered going to an inpatient program? Being away for a bit with no temptation and focusing only on recovery might be the break you just need to get you started.
c) Do you have any spiritual practices? I am not thinking within the context of AA but more in terms of relaxation and meditation.
You might want to check out Zen meditation (or mindfulness too). It would teach you techniques to still and focus your mind in the present and to deal with obsessive thinking.
Another thing you might want to look into is getting a couple of Reiki sessions done. Look it up if you are not familiar with it.
d) When it comes to AVRT, don't throw the baby with the bathwater. It is a good technique to be able to identify your addictive voice and dissociate yourself from IT. Once you have isolated it as not being Serenidad, it makes being able to observe it and letting the cravings" pass easier.
e) Last but not least you talk about going back to AA which is all well and good and yes, some people quit and use only the fellowship part of the programs (meetings).
My suggestion if you give AA another shot is not so much the meetings as going right into intense step work immediately.
So rather than trying to do a 90/90 and spending hours each days at some of those discussion meetings which are not much more than group therapy and feed you obsession, find a couple of steps or big book meeting and just go there and find a step sponsor.
Stay away from meetings where people get into drunkologues and war stories for now. You said it yourself that they make you "want to drink" so avoid them.
One thing for sure is that it will take you a lot of work. I know it is not fair, some people quit fairly easy and others have to work their butts off but hey, who said life was fair?
Don't give up before the miracle happens.
Here are a couple of random thoughts which might or might not be of use to you.
a) Are you still taking those Klonopins or whatever pills you were taking? If you are hooked on those, it might really hinder you. Being hooked on pills while not drinking is half measures.
b) Have you considered going to an inpatient program? Being away for a bit with no temptation and focusing only on recovery might be the break you just need to get you started.
c) Do you have any spiritual practices? I am not thinking within the context of AA but more in terms of relaxation and meditation.
You might want to check out Zen meditation (or mindfulness too). It would teach you techniques to still and focus your mind in the present and to deal with obsessive thinking.
Another thing you might want to look into is getting a couple of Reiki sessions done. Look it up if you are not familiar with it.
d) When it comes to AVRT, don't throw the baby with the bathwater. It is a good technique to be able to identify your addictive voice and dissociate yourself from IT. Once you have isolated it as not being Serenidad, it makes being able to observe it and letting the cravings" pass easier.
e) Last but not least you talk about going back to AA which is all well and good and yes, some people quit and use only the fellowship part of the programs (meetings).
My suggestion if you give AA another shot is not so much the meetings as going right into intense step work immediately.
So rather than trying to do a 90/90 and spending hours each days at some of those discussion meetings which are not much more than group therapy and feed you obsession, find a couple of steps or big book meeting and just go there and find a step sponsor.
Stay away from meetings where people get into drunkologues and war stories for now. You said it yourself that they make you "want to drink" so avoid them.
One thing for sure is that it will take you a lot of work. I know it is not fair, some people quit fairly easy and others have to work their butts off but hey, who said life was fair?
Don't give up before the miracle happens.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
I am going to throw my hat into the ring since I think you may be able to relate to another aspect of my life that have some striking similarities.
I used to marathons all the time. It wasn't a big deal for me to do 4 of them per month. However, I got tired of it and stopped running since it took a lot of time and commitment.
Well, I decided I wanted to start running again. It's not easy. While I do have fitness going for me, it's going to take a lot of building up and starting over. It's also going to take time and commitment. However, the thrill and newness is no longer there. There seems to be a lack of excitement for hitting certain milestones, since it's like, so what? I've done x many miles before and I was better at it.
I think sobriety can be very much like what I've related in terms of starting over. It isn't easy. There isn't the newness factor and the excitement about it, especially since you did have 5 years. It's going to be tough and you're going to have to work through it. However, I know you can get there again, like I can with my running. But for both things, it's going to take strength, determination and committment.
I know you can do it.
I used to marathons all the time. It wasn't a big deal for me to do 4 of them per month. However, I got tired of it and stopped running since it took a lot of time and commitment.
Well, I decided I wanted to start running again. It's not easy. While I do have fitness going for me, it's going to take a lot of building up and starting over. It's also going to take time and commitment. However, the thrill and newness is no longer there. There seems to be a lack of excitement for hitting certain milestones, since it's like, so what? I've done x many miles before and I was better at it.
I think sobriety can be very much like what I've related in terms of starting over. It isn't easy. There isn't the newness factor and the excitement about it, especially since you did have 5 years. It's going to be tough and you're going to have to work through it. However, I know you can get there again, like I can with my running. But for both things, it's going to take strength, determination and committment.
I know you can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Della1968
When you were sober the 5 1/2 years it was with AA for a good chunk of that right? Were you miserable the whole time you were sober? I am not in AA nor am I being snarky I am just trying to understand your aversion to it now.
Yes..the first 2 years or so of my 5.5 yrs I was in AA. I was court-ordered after a DUI. I didn't hate it, just didn't like being "forced" to go. I guess that's my "aversion" this time around. It brings up lots of bad memories.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Purpleknight
You never give up, never EVER!! It took me a full year to crack Sobriety, for me giving up wasn't an option, I wanted a piece of happiness in my life and alcohol I knew was one thing standing in my way, so I dug in, gave alcohol no quarter and did what needed to be done!! If I can be honest, sometimes Serenidad, I think you over think things, thinking about problems and hurdles is not helpful, keep it simple, don't let alcohol touch your lips today and that's job done, do the same tomorrow and you're on your way!! Don't give up Serenidad!! You can do this!!
Thx for the reminder... ;-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
I empathize with you, Serinidad. When I first got sober, my AV (or whatever you want to call it) was still really active and it presented a real challenge. I still don't know how I walked by the liquor store on the first day out of rehab without going inside. I did, however, go inside a bar later that day....only to have some fish tacos and leave without drinking. I was hanging on by a thread. I only went to AA in the very beginning, but haven't been in a long time. How'd I do it? Well, in my case I felt like I'd hit rock bottom and I didn't want to go back there. Every time I thought about a beer or a drink, I remembered just how bad things had become. Lost job. Lost partner. Seizures. Rehab. I simply would NOT live my life under those conditions any more. You owe yourself a better life than the one drinking gives you. Sitting at home guzzling wine every night...whoopdee doo. There's more you can accomplish with a sober life. Maybe it's a good idea to start thinking about some goals. Some dreams. Something to grab onto when those cravings hit. Is there anything you've always wanted to do but you haven't been able to because of finances, health, or just being too afraid? Quitting drinking will give you that chance you have been looking for!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Carlotta
We have not given up on you! Here are a couple of random thoughts which might or might not be of use to you. a) Are you still taking those Klonopins or whatever pills you were taking? If you are hooked on those, it might really hinder you. Being hooked on pills while not drinking is half measures. b) Have you considered going to an inpatient program? Being away for a bit with no temptation and focusing only on recovery might be the break you just need to get you started. c) Do you have any spiritual practices? I am not thinking within the context of AA but more in terms of relaxation and meditation. You might want to check out Zen meditation (or mindfulness too). It would teach you techniques to still and focus your mind in the present and to deal with obsessive thinking. Another thing you might want to look into is getting a couple of Reiki sessions done. Look it up if you are not familiar with it. d) When it comes to AVRT, don't throw the baby with the bathwater. It is a good technique to be able to identify your addictive voice and dissociate yourself from IT. Once you have isolated it as not being Serenidad, it makes being able to observe it and letting the cravings" pass easier. e) Last but not least you talk about going back to AA which is all well and good and yes, some people quit and use only the fellowship part of the programs (meetings). My suggestion if you give AA another shot is not so much the meetings as going right into intense step work immediately. So rather than trying to do a 90/90 and spending hours each days at some of those discussion meetings which are not much more than group therapy and feed you obsession, find a couple of steps or big book meeting and just go there and find a step sponsor. Stay away from meetings where people get into drunkologues and war stories for now. You said it yourself that they make you "want to drink" so avoid them. One thing for sure is that it will take you a lot of work. I know it is not fair, some people quit fairly easy and others have to work their butts off but hey, who said life was fair? Don't give up before the miracle happens.
Don't give up before the miracle happens.-no I'm not on Klonopin anymore
-Yes! I would LOVE to go away to inpatient treatment for a while but we can't afford it. :-(
-Reiki & Zen...sounds interesting. I will definitely look it up!
-True...I can use AVRT but not buy into the whole Rational Recovery program.
-Good idea about AA...we have step mtgs...maybe avoiding the "drunk-a-log war story" meetings for a while is a good idea.
Thx for helping me Charlotta! Xo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Just laying here reflecting on all the great advice you guys have given me.
Thanks for reminding me that each time I SURVIVE a craving it gets easier & the next craving is weaker.
Each time I "give in" to a craving...the next one is stronger, right?
I think I can survive my next craving with your help. 1 craving at a time they go away.
Thanks guys. :-)
Thanks for reminding me that each time I SURVIVE a craving it gets easier & the next craving is weaker.
Each time I "give in" to a craving...the next one is stronger, right?
I think I can survive my next craving with your help. 1 craving at a time they go away.
Thanks guys. :-)
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
I agree....never give up. You keep trying and trying and eventually it catches. I didn't drink for 9 years, started again and it took me almost a decade to stop again. It took me many attempts. Avoiding people, places, things, along with daily SR got me through. Take it one day at a time. You can do it serenidad. Never stop trying.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
