want to stop
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
The acute physical part of alcohol withdrawal is brief in duration - about 72 hours.
Just want to put that out there since everyone is different...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by biminiblue
The acute physical part of alcohol withdrawal is brief in duration - about 72 hours.
Do you have any sick days or vacation time? Really all you need is a long weekend to stop. Your doctor can prescribe something for you to mitigate the effects of withdrawal and you can be done with the hard part in a few days. Research alcohol withdrawal. It's mildly uncomfortable if you have some medical help. Heck, I just cut back for a few days and then quit (not recommended - I didn't know it could have been dangerous) and toughed it out for that first week, no medical help. TV and ice cream were my friends. Sleep took a while to return to normal, but we all have survived that.
You could be a huge star if you would get this done.
Moderation doesn't work for me, or for anyone with alcohol dependence (which it definitely sounds like you have) - so the "cutting back"? It isn't a solution.
Do you have any sick days or vacation time? Really all you need is a long weekend to stop. Your doctor can prescribe something for you to mitigate the effects of withdrawal and you can be done with the hard part in a few days. Research alcohol withdrawal. It's mildly uncomfortable if you have some medical help. Heck, I just cut back for a few days and then quit (not recommended - I didn't know it could have been dangerous) and toughed it out for that first week, no medical help. TV and ice cream were my friends. Sleep took a while to return to normal, but we all have survived that.
You could be a huge star if you would get this done.
Moderation doesn't work for me, or for anyone with alcohol dependence (which it definitely sounds like you have) - so the "cutting back"? It isn't a solution.
Taking a long weekend this weekend. Have today and tomorrow off.
I have clonazapam, pregabalin and sodium valproate. Let's just say a decade of bodybuilding taught me a few things pharmacology wise. Have to be careful with the conazapam, but the latter two don't have much addictive potential, at least relatively speaking.
piotr
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
Only major downside with pregabalin is significant cognitive impairment, effective immediately.
So can't be on it whilst working.
Risks with clonazapam go without saying.
And anti-epileptics obviously have to be tapered down over say a week given they raise one's seizure threshold
Piotr
So can't be on it whilst working.
Risks with clonazapam go without saying.
And anti-epileptics obviously have to be tapered down over say a week given they raise one's seizure threshold
Piotr
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
This is very useful in trying to stay sober best to create a sobriety plan (things to help you stay sober)
Acceptance is key Piotr http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
Glad your here friend
Acceptance is key Piotr http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
Glad your here friend
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I recommend you get a Drs input. It's not about pharmacology, or how much you know, it's about making sure you have a safe incident free withdrawal.
I'm not wishing ill on you or trying to scare you, but all the chemical knowledge in the world is not much good if you have a seizure or something.
mixing benzoes and any amount of alcohol is not recommended.
D
I'm not wishing ill on you or trying to scare you, but all the chemical knowledge in the world is not much good if you have a seizure or something.
mixing benzoes and any amount of alcohol is not recommended.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
I've researched this issue almost to the point of beating a dead horse.
im down to approx 10 standard drinks per day at a body mass of 120kg.
Pregabalin for sleep (great knock out effect) primarily but has other benefits in this situation
Valproate to upregulate gaba receptors
Both of the above to mitigate any risk of seizure
Clonazapam for if anxiety rears its ugly head
I dont need medical supervision coming off 10 standards per night.. all of the above meds are essentially all i'd be given if i wete admitted as an inpatient in any event, based on my research..
Piotr
im down to approx 10 standard drinks per day at a body mass of 120kg.
Pregabalin for sleep (great knock out effect) primarily but has other benefits in this situation
Valproate to upregulate gaba receptors
Both of the above to mitigate any risk of seizure
Clonazapam for if anxiety rears its ugly head
I dont need medical supervision coming off 10 standards per night.. all of the above meds are essentially all i'd be given if i wete admitted as an inpatient in any event, based on my research..
Piotr
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
My perspective is as someone who's not only seen bad detoxes here, but also as someone who personally researched every thing down to the nth degree....but still suffered mini-strokes, and will never be the same again.
I appreciate that you feel you don't need medical supervision Piotr - but I still think it's the best advice anyone can give, or receive, in a Newcomers forum.
It's your life and your health and I respect that.
Sincerely, best wishes to you
D
I appreciate that you feel you don't need medical supervision Piotr - but I still think it's the best advice anyone can give, or receive, in a Newcomers forum.
It's your life and your health and I respect that.
Sincerely, best wishes to you
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Dee74
My perspective is as someone who's not only seen bad detoxes here, but also as someone who personally researched every thing down to the nth degree....but still suffered mini-strokes, and will never be the same again.
I appreciate that you feel you don't need medical supervision Piotr - but I still think it's the best advice anyone can give, or receive, in a Newcomers forum.
It's your life and your health and I respect that.
Sincerely, best wishes to you
D
I appreciate that you feel you don't need medical supervision Piotr - but I still think it's the best advice anyone can give, or receive, in a Newcomers forum.
It's your life and your health and I respect that.
Sincerely, best wishes to you
D
I'm grateful for and respect your advice.
And i dont wish to be argumentative even for a moment with anybody given i've come here for help.
I appreciate everyone's input.
The girl that i lost due to my drinking - she was training to be a surgeon.. i have the DSM manual and the Australian Prescriber's Guidelines.. lol at least i got that off her before everything went pearshaped.. have access to all the online medical journals thanks to being a uni alumni..
Dee, i've stopped before cold turkey for a few days when i was hitting a bottle of whiskey i.e. 22 standards per night and suffered only insomnia and anxiety.. no back up meds..
Now i'm coming off just 10 standards, give or take..
with the meds i have (inc vitamin B and multivitamin, plus blood pressure meds - propanolol and telemesartin) i have the bases covered.
Thank.you though.. really
Will post again if manage to get some wind in my sails so to speak and get a few days sober under my belt
Many thanks again
Piotr
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I started to drink to help me sleep at first.
Then my career got very, very stressful and my drinking increased.
Every night I would come home and get drunk then pass out in bed. A lot of nights I didn't remember going to bed at all.
I work full time and I never drank through the day, however I started earlier and earlier as time progressed.
Everything suffered and I felt ill and hungover all the time.
My anxiety was sky high too.
I would check the mirror for signs of jaundice. If I got a twinge in my liver area, I was convinced I had significant liver damage and disease.
You could say I was sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.
Every morning I woke up and said never again.
By midday I was contemplating one glass of wine in the evening. By tea time, it was a small bottle of vodka. On the way home in the evening I decided a half bottle, but that would last me 4 nights. It was all gone by bed time.
It was insanity to keep saying no every morning, yet the same evening, I was back doing the thing that made me so ill and hate myself so much.
Probably worth noting that when the above happened, I would also have to factor in which shop to buy drink from. So no-one knew. I had a few shops that I rotated so the cashier wouldn't think I had a problem as the night before I had bought a large bottle of vodka from them. This was a tedious, time wasting, goose chase of a process too.
I just really wanted to be like 'normal' people who had alcohol free days. Someone who didn't swig copious amounts of vodka on a monday. Someone who could have left over wine in the fridge for more than a day. Someone who didn't feel panicked every morning that they were still over the limit from the night before.
I wanted to remember parties. I wanted to be able do something else with my evenings other than drink.
In the end I just decided drink made me unhappy.
It did not matter what label I needed for myself - binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol dependent - the fact it made me so unhappy was enough to stop.
I also know just 1 drink, or 2 drinks, does not work well for me.
Whats the point of 1 drink?
It just makes me want more. It makes me feel fed up I can't have more. Most of the time it lead to not 1 more but 15 more.
1 drink would not get me drunk and I drank to get drunk.
I still have not said I have stopped for life.
I tell myself I can have a drink when ever I want I am just choosing not to.
I wake up every morning and say 'today I am not drinking'. If things get so bad I want to drink I say 'if things are still so bad tomorrow, I will drink if I want, but today I am not drinking'.
In almost 3 years there has never been anything that has been so bad I needed to drink over it.
My partner left me, I have had some family issues and my health has been crap. Some frightening times. But using the agreements I make with myself about not drinking that day, I have NEVER needed to drink.
I have to say though, a lot less seems to wrong these days now I don't drink.
I am sure thats not just a coincidence!
My life is quieter now but I don't miss drinking.
My life and inside my head is a lot more peaceful too.
The hideous self torture of necking a vat of booze, then deciding I have liver failure, then doing the same that evening is gone.
If I die soon, it won't be from alcohol.
I go to bed tired from a hard days work or from being busy with my daughter.
I don't drink bottles of expensive champagne that I won from work on a monday night because I had run out of booze and couldn't drive anywhere as I was over the limit.
Its nice knowing that for as long as I don't pick up a drink I will never have to spend hours at home worrying, stressing and crying over what did I do, what did I say or who did I insult when I couldn't remember from drinking so much at a party or works do or an evening with friends.
No-one knows the real reason for me stopping drinking however I am sure people guessed from my antics.
I see my recovery as no-one else's business but my own.
I fight it quietly in the way I see fit. That for me is not making any great announcements that I am never ever drinking again.
I know you said AA is not for you.
Some of the slogans really helped me.
AVRT is also really useful.
Using AVRT can help when you have done a day, week or month with no drinking and that voice creeps into your head saying 'no way do you have a problem. You have stopped for a week. Have a drink. You got it wrong. You are not that bad'.
I also believe strongly in HALT.
It stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired in recovery speak.
Never let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired as that can often make us turn to drink.
I find a sugary drink mid afternoon raises my blood sugar enough to stop any cravings for alcohol.
A good nights sleep or just going to bed early helps too. It also stops me thinking over and over again about any problem going on.
At first I found it hard but I wanted so much to stop.
Keeping busy helped. Changing my routine did too. I read in bed or had a bath instead of sitting on the same spot on the sofa, in front of the same television, holding the same glass from the night before.
I got busy and got off the sofa, gave the television a miss and smashed my favourite glass.
At the start it was weird not having a glass of booze in my hand between the hours of 7pm and midnight.
Some nights I would even just go for a drive in my car with loud music on. I did anything to stop me having a moment where I thought about drink.
Now 3 years later I can honestly say it would be strange to drink every evening. Even stranger drinking during the day on weekends.
I think drinking the way me and you and others here, makes your world very small.
I was work, home, daughter to bed, drink.
That was it day in and day out.
At one point I realised how liberating it was to be able to drive after 9pm. I could go wherever I wanted. I was not housebound!
I feel a lot sharper at work too.
I think I handle stress much better now I don't drink. I also don't let issues get bigger than they should be. My reason for a lot of my mood swings was being hungover and ill. Things seemed like hard work because I had trouble focusing or concentrating due to being so drunk the night before. I think alcohol does this. It blows the smallest problem into an almighty crisis. For me it made me sloppy. I did things half heartedly as alcohol made me not care about standards or impressing people at work.
As for the sleep thing, I always thought I would never ever sleep again without a significant amount of booze in my body to put me into a coma every night.
I was so wrong.
All those nights passing out instead of falling asleep naturally left me super sleep deprived. I sleep the best I ever have done when I don't drink.
It took me a few time to 'get it' as the say.
That if I don't drink, I can't get drunk.
I will have 3 years drink free on the 14th of Feb.
Me, my life, my daughter, my friends and family and work have benefited so much since I have stopped.
In the past 9 out 10 times bad things happened because drink was involved.
I never want to go back to those days again.
I'm happy you are here!
I wish you the best xx
Then my career got very, very stressful and my drinking increased.
Every night I would come home and get drunk then pass out in bed. A lot of nights I didn't remember going to bed at all.
I work full time and I never drank through the day, however I started earlier and earlier as time progressed.
Everything suffered and I felt ill and hungover all the time.
My anxiety was sky high too.
I would check the mirror for signs of jaundice. If I got a twinge in my liver area, I was convinced I had significant liver damage and disease.
You could say I was sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.
Every morning I woke up and said never again.
By midday I was contemplating one glass of wine in the evening. By tea time, it was a small bottle of vodka. On the way home in the evening I decided a half bottle, but that would last me 4 nights. It was all gone by bed time.
It was insanity to keep saying no every morning, yet the same evening, I was back doing the thing that made me so ill and hate myself so much.
Probably worth noting that when the above happened, I would also have to factor in which shop to buy drink from. So no-one knew. I had a few shops that I rotated so the cashier wouldn't think I had a problem as the night before I had bought a large bottle of vodka from them. This was a tedious, time wasting, goose chase of a process too.
I just really wanted to be like 'normal' people who had alcohol free days. Someone who didn't swig copious amounts of vodka on a monday. Someone who could have left over wine in the fridge for more than a day. Someone who didn't feel panicked every morning that they were still over the limit from the night before.
I wanted to remember parties. I wanted to be able do something else with my evenings other than drink.
In the end I just decided drink made me unhappy.
It did not matter what label I needed for myself - binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol dependent - the fact it made me so unhappy was enough to stop.
I also know just 1 drink, or 2 drinks, does not work well for me.
Whats the point of 1 drink?
It just makes me want more. It makes me feel fed up I can't have more. Most of the time it lead to not 1 more but 15 more.
1 drink would not get me drunk and I drank to get drunk.
I still have not said I have stopped for life.
I tell myself I can have a drink when ever I want I am just choosing not to.
I wake up every morning and say 'today I am not drinking'. If things get so bad I want to drink I say 'if things are still so bad tomorrow, I will drink if I want, but today I am not drinking'.
In almost 3 years there has never been anything that has been so bad I needed to drink over it.
My partner left me, I have had some family issues and my health has been crap. Some frightening times. But using the agreements I make with myself about not drinking that day, I have NEVER needed to drink.
I have to say though, a lot less seems to wrong these days now I don't drink.
I am sure thats not just a coincidence!
My life is quieter now but I don't miss drinking.
My life and inside my head is a lot more peaceful too.
The hideous self torture of necking a vat of booze, then deciding I have liver failure, then doing the same that evening is gone.
If I die soon, it won't be from alcohol.
I go to bed tired from a hard days work or from being busy with my daughter.
I don't drink bottles of expensive champagne that I won from work on a monday night because I had run out of booze and couldn't drive anywhere as I was over the limit.
Its nice knowing that for as long as I don't pick up a drink I will never have to spend hours at home worrying, stressing and crying over what did I do, what did I say or who did I insult when I couldn't remember from drinking so much at a party or works do or an evening with friends.
No-one knows the real reason for me stopping drinking however I am sure people guessed from my antics.
I see my recovery as no-one else's business but my own.
I fight it quietly in the way I see fit. That for me is not making any great announcements that I am never ever drinking again.
I know you said AA is not for you.
Some of the slogans really helped me.
AVRT is also really useful.
Using AVRT can help when you have done a day, week or month with no drinking and that voice creeps into your head saying 'no way do you have a problem. You have stopped for a week. Have a drink. You got it wrong. You are not that bad'.
I also believe strongly in HALT.
It stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired in recovery speak.
Never let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired as that can often make us turn to drink.
I find a sugary drink mid afternoon raises my blood sugar enough to stop any cravings for alcohol.
A good nights sleep or just going to bed early helps too. It also stops me thinking over and over again about any problem going on.
At first I found it hard but I wanted so much to stop.
Keeping busy helped. Changing my routine did too. I read in bed or had a bath instead of sitting on the same spot on the sofa, in front of the same television, holding the same glass from the night before.
I got busy and got off the sofa, gave the television a miss and smashed my favourite glass.
At the start it was weird not having a glass of booze in my hand between the hours of 7pm and midnight.
Some nights I would even just go for a drive in my car with loud music on. I did anything to stop me having a moment where I thought about drink.
Now 3 years later I can honestly say it would be strange to drink every evening. Even stranger drinking during the day on weekends.
I think drinking the way me and you and others here, makes your world very small.
I was work, home, daughter to bed, drink.
That was it day in and day out.
At one point I realised how liberating it was to be able to drive after 9pm. I could go wherever I wanted. I was not housebound!
I feel a lot sharper at work too.
I think I handle stress much better now I don't drink. I also don't let issues get bigger than they should be. My reason for a lot of my mood swings was being hungover and ill. Things seemed like hard work because I had trouble focusing or concentrating due to being so drunk the night before. I think alcohol does this. It blows the smallest problem into an almighty crisis. For me it made me sloppy. I did things half heartedly as alcohol made me not care about standards or impressing people at work.
As for the sleep thing, I always thought I would never ever sleep again without a significant amount of booze in my body to put me into a coma every night.
I was so wrong.
All those nights passing out instead of falling asleep naturally left me super sleep deprived. I sleep the best I ever have done when I don't drink.
It took me a few time to 'get it' as the say.
That if I don't drink, I can't get drunk.
I will have 3 years drink free on the 14th of Feb.
Me, my life, my daughter, my friends and family and work have benefited so much since I have stopped.
In the past 9 out 10 times bad things happened because drink was involved.
I never want to go back to those days again.
I'm happy you are here!
I wish you the best xx
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hello piotrAU - I'm glad you came to us for advice & encouragement. It helps so much to no longer be alone. I had no one to talk to in my life, everyone was a social drinker and didn't understand me. You can reclaim your life and get free. We're happy you joined us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Sasha4
I started to drink to help me sleep at first.
Then my career got very, very stressful and my drinking increased.
Every night I would come home and get drunk then pass out in bed. A lot of nights I didn't remember going to bed at all.
I work full time and I never drank through the day, however I started earlier and earlier as time progressed.
Everything suffered and I felt ill and hungover all the time.
My anxiety was sky high too.
I would check the mirror for signs of jaundice. If I got a twinge in my liver area, I was convinced I had significant liver damage and disease.
You could say I was sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.
Every morning I woke up and said never again.
By midday I was contemplating one glass of wine in the evening. By tea time, it was a small bottle of vodka. On the way home in the evening I decided a half bottle, but that would last me 4 nights. It was all gone by bed time.
It was insanity to keep saying no every morning, yet the same evening, I was back doing the thing that made me so ill and hate myself so much.
Probably worth noting that when the above happened, I would also have to factor in which shop to buy drink from. So no-one knew. I had a few shops that I rotated so the cashier wouldn't think I had a problem as the night before I had bought a large bottle of vodka from them. This was a tedious, time wasting, goose chase of a process too.
I just really wanted to be like 'normal' people who had alcohol free days. Someone who didn't swig copious amounts of vodka on a monday. Someone who could have left over wine in the fridge for more than a day. Someone who didn't feel panicked every morning that they were still over the limit from the night before.
I wanted to remember parties. I wanted to be able do something else with my evenings other than drink.
In the end I just decided drink made me unhappy.
It did not matter what label I needed for myself - binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol dependent - the fact it made me so unhappy was enough to stop.
I also know just 1 drink, or 2 drinks, does not work well for me.
Whats the point of 1 drink?
It just makes me want more. It makes me feel fed up I can't have more. Most of the time it lead to not 1 more but 15 more.
1 drink would not get me drunk and I drank to get drunk.
I still have not said I have stopped for life.
I tell myself I can have a drink when ever I want I am just choosing not to.
I wake up every morning and say 'today I am not drinking'. If things get so bad I want to drink I say 'if things are still so bad tomorrow, I will drink if I want, but today I am not drinking'.
In almost 3 years there has never been anything that has been so bad I needed to drink over it.
My partner left me, I have had some family issues and my health has been crap. Some frightening times. But using the agreements I make with myself about not drinking that day, I have NEVER needed to drink.
I have to say though, a lot less seems to wrong these days now I don't drink.
I am sure thats not just a coincidence!
My life is quieter now but I don't miss drinking.
My life and inside my head is a lot more peaceful too.
The hideous self torture of necking a vat of booze, then deciding I have liver failure, then doing the same that evening is gone.
If I die soon, it won't be from alcohol.
I go to bed tired from a hard days work or from being busy with my daughter.
I don't drink bottles of expensive champagne that I won from work on a monday night because I had run out of booze and couldn't drive anywhere as I was over the limit.
Its nice knowing that for as long as I don't pick up a drink I will never have to spend hours at home worrying, stressing and crying over what did I do, what did I say or who did I insult when I couldn't remember from drinking so much at a party or works do or an evening with friends.
No-one knows the real reason for me stopping drinking however I am sure people guessed from my antics.
I see my recovery as no-one else's business but my own.
I fight it quietly in the way I see fit. That for me is not making any great announcements that I am never ever drinking again.
I know you said AA is not for you.
Some of the slogans really helped me.
AVRT is also really useful.
Using AVRT can help when you have done a day, week or month with no drinking and that voice creeps into your head saying 'no way do you have a problem. You have stopped for a week. Have a drink. You got it wrong. You are not that bad'.
I also believe strongly in HALT.
It stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired in recovery speak.
Never let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired as that can often make us turn to drink.
I find a sugary drink mid afternoon raises my blood sugar enough to stop any cravings for alcohol.
A good nights sleep or just going to bed early helps too. It also stops me thinking over and over again about any problem going on.
At first I found it hard but I wanted so much to stop.
Keeping busy helped. Changing my routine did too. I read in bed or had a bath instead of sitting on the same spot on the sofa, in front of the same television, holding the same glass from the night before.
I got busy and got off the sofa, gave the television a miss and smashed my favourite glass.
At the start it was weird not having a glass of booze in my hand between the hours of 7pm and midnight.
Some nights I would even just go for a drive in my car with loud music on. I did anything to stop me having a moment where I thought about drink.
Now 3 years later I can honestly say it would be strange to drink every evening. Even stranger drinking during the day on weekends.
I think drinking the way me and you and others here, makes your world very small.
I was work, home, daughter to bed, drink.
That was it day in and day out.
At one point I realised how liberating it was to be able to drive after 9pm. I could go wherever I wanted. I was not housebound!
I feel a lot sharper at work too.
I think I handle stress much better now I don't drink. I also don't let issues get bigger than they should be. My reason for a lot of my mood swings was being hungover and ill. Things seemed like hard work because I had trouble focusing or concentrating due to being so drunk the night before. I think alcohol does this. It blows the smallest problem into an almighty crisis. For me it made me sloppy. I did things half heartedly as alcohol made me not care about standards or impressing people at work.
As for the sleep thing, I always thought I would never ever sleep again without a significant amount of booze in my body to put me into a coma every night.
I was so wrong.
All those nights passing out instead of falling asleep naturally left me super sleep deprived. I sleep the best I ever have done when I don't drink.
It took me a few time to 'get it' as the say.
That if I don't drink, I can't get drunk.
I will have 3 years drink free on the 14th of Feb.
Me, my life, my daughter, my friends and family and work have benefited so much since I have stopped.
In the past 9 out 10 times bad things happened because drink was involved.
I never want to go back to those days again.
I'm happy you are here!
I wish you the best xx
Then my career got very, very stressful and my drinking increased.
Every night I would come home and get drunk then pass out in bed. A lot of nights I didn't remember going to bed at all.
I work full time and I never drank through the day, however I started earlier and earlier as time progressed.
Everything suffered and I felt ill and hungover all the time.
My anxiety was sky high too.
I would check the mirror for signs of jaundice. If I got a twinge in my liver area, I was convinced I had significant liver damage and disease.
You could say I was sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.
Every morning I woke up and said never again.
By midday I was contemplating one glass of wine in the evening. By tea time, it was a small bottle of vodka. On the way home in the evening I decided a half bottle, but that would last me 4 nights. It was all gone by bed time.
It was insanity to keep saying no every morning, yet the same evening, I was back doing the thing that made me so ill and hate myself so much.
Probably worth noting that when the above happened, I would also have to factor in which shop to buy drink from. So no-one knew. I had a few shops that I rotated so the cashier wouldn't think I had a problem as the night before I had bought a large bottle of vodka from them. This was a tedious, time wasting, goose chase of a process too.
I just really wanted to be like 'normal' people who had alcohol free days. Someone who didn't swig copious amounts of vodka on a monday. Someone who could have left over wine in the fridge for more than a day. Someone who didn't feel panicked every morning that they were still over the limit from the night before.
I wanted to remember parties. I wanted to be able do something else with my evenings other than drink.
In the end I just decided drink made me unhappy.
It did not matter what label I needed for myself - binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol dependent - the fact it made me so unhappy was enough to stop.
I also know just 1 drink, or 2 drinks, does not work well for me.
Whats the point of 1 drink?
It just makes me want more. It makes me feel fed up I can't have more. Most of the time it lead to not 1 more but 15 more.
1 drink would not get me drunk and I drank to get drunk.
I still have not said I have stopped for life.
I tell myself I can have a drink when ever I want I am just choosing not to.
I wake up every morning and say 'today I am not drinking'. If things get so bad I want to drink I say 'if things are still so bad tomorrow, I will drink if I want, but today I am not drinking'.
In almost 3 years there has never been anything that has been so bad I needed to drink over it.
My partner left me, I have had some family issues and my health has been crap. Some frightening times. But using the agreements I make with myself about not drinking that day, I have NEVER needed to drink.
I have to say though, a lot less seems to wrong these days now I don't drink.
I am sure thats not just a coincidence!
My life is quieter now but I don't miss drinking.
My life and inside my head is a lot more peaceful too.
The hideous self torture of necking a vat of booze, then deciding I have liver failure, then doing the same that evening is gone.
If I die soon, it won't be from alcohol.
I go to bed tired from a hard days work or from being busy with my daughter.
I don't drink bottles of expensive champagne that I won from work on a monday night because I had run out of booze and couldn't drive anywhere as I was over the limit.
Its nice knowing that for as long as I don't pick up a drink I will never have to spend hours at home worrying, stressing and crying over what did I do, what did I say or who did I insult when I couldn't remember from drinking so much at a party or works do or an evening with friends.
No-one knows the real reason for me stopping drinking however I am sure people guessed from my antics.
I see my recovery as no-one else's business but my own.
I fight it quietly in the way I see fit. That for me is not making any great announcements that I am never ever drinking again.
I know you said AA is not for you.
Some of the slogans really helped me.
AVRT is also really useful.
Using AVRT can help when you have done a day, week or month with no drinking and that voice creeps into your head saying 'no way do you have a problem. You have stopped for a week. Have a drink. You got it wrong. You are not that bad'.
I also believe strongly in HALT.
It stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired in recovery speak.
Never let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired as that can often make us turn to drink.
I find a sugary drink mid afternoon raises my blood sugar enough to stop any cravings for alcohol.
A good nights sleep or just going to bed early helps too. It also stops me thinking over and over again about any problem going on.
At first I found it hard but I wanted so much to stop.
Keeping busy helped. Changing my routine did too. I read in bed or had a bath instead of sitting on the same spot on the sofa, in front of the same television, holding the same glass from the night before.
I got busy and got off the sofa, gave the television a miss and smashed my favourite glass.
At the start it was weird not having a glass of booze in my hand between the hours of 7pm and midnight.
Some nights I would even just go for a drive in my car with loud music on. I did anything to stop me having a moment where I thought about drink.
Now 3 years later I can honestly say it would be strange to drink every evening. Even stranger drinking during the day on weekends.
I think drinking the way me and you and others here, makes your world very small.
I was work, home, daughter to bed, drink.
That was it day in and day out.
At one point I realised how liberating it was to be able to drive after 9pm. I could go wherever I wanted. I was not housebound!
I feel a lot sharper at work too.
I think I handle stress much better now I don't drink. I also don't let issues get bigger than they should be. My reason for a lot of my mood swings was being hungover and ill. Things seemed like hard work because I had trouble focusing or concentrating due to being so drunk the night before. I think alcohol does this. It blows the smallest problem into an almighty crisis. For me it made me sloppy. I did things half heartedly as alcohol made me not care about standards or impressing people at work.
As for the sleep thing, I always thought I would never ever sleep again without a significant amount of booze in my body to put me into a coma every night.
I was so wrong.
All those nights passing out instead of falling asleep naturally left me super sleep deprived. I sleep the best I ever have done when I don't drink.
It took me a few time to 'get it' as the say.
That if I don't drink, I can't get drunk.
I will have 3 years drink free on the 14th of Feb.
Me, my life, my daughter, my friends and family and work have benefited so much since I have stopped.
In the past 9 out 10 times bad things happened because drink was involved.
I never want to go back to those days again.
I'm happy you are here!
I wish you the best xx
What you alluded to has been my life for 3 years.. work til i'm almost broken, go home then drink myself to sleep.. rinse and repeat..
im better now than before.. i don't knock myself out anymore.. i remember the preceding night.. christ i used to speak to important clients re urgent matters and have no recollection.. would have to refresh my memory on my scribbled notes.. then rock up to court the next morning hungover and sketchy as hell but benzo'd off my rocker to keep it together..
how i didn't get sued for malpractice and struck off the roll.. high functioning? Joke.. i barely believe i pulled it off
The work can destroy you.. the stress.. the long hours.. i have lunch perhaps once per week to grease up a prominent barrister.. apart from that it's 12 - 14 hrs straight flat chat then often hours on the phone with clients in the evening
many will say i need to change or shift my career
NO
i love what i do and i admit part of that is being able to hang out with "QC's" or "senior counsel" as we call them here and punch way beyond my weight.. pride iz a deadly sin but i take great pride in being where i am considering my background (i was convicted of a major indictable drug offence carrying a max of 25 yrs before i managed to convince "them" to let me into their club i.e. get admitted to the bar, it took me 2 years)
the main reason i want to stop is for my work.. the second is for my health.. i know it's the wrong way around but im being frank
I just need to find a way to work 70 hrs per week and not need to resort to booze to chill out
Good luck to me :😤
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
And to be conpletely frank im on the booze again
.. my brother is in the terminal stage of glioblastoma brain cancer.. my father and i went to see him on the hospital. . He lost it and accused us of trying to kill him.. apparently a common paranoiac thought when the tumors (x4) are growing aggressively.. dad insisted on buying a bottle and a slab on the way back to my place
So there i am again with another excuse
Plan is to drink myself stupid since i'm galf way there and try again tomorrow. .
Sorry
.. my brother is in the terminal stage of glioblastoma brain cancer.. my father and i went to see him on the hospital. . He lost it and accused us of trying to kill him.. apparently a common paranoiac thought when the tumors (x4) are growing aggressively.. dad insisted on buying a bottle and a slab on the way back to my place
So there i am again with another excuse
Plan is to drink myself stupid since i'm galf way there and try again tomorrow. .
Sorry
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry for your brother and your pain Piotr.
I had a good mate die from skin cancer - 45 yo - it was the lousiest most unfair way to go.
But I stayed sober and I'm glad I did, cos however much I was suffering he and his wife were suffering more and I was glad to be there for them.
Drinking on grief is like trying to put a bandaid on a missing limb - the grief goes round and round, at least it gets pushed to one side for a while but it never really gets dealt with.
I know it sucks and it's painful - but I really believe you're better to deal with the pain rather than avoiding it, Piotr.
D
I had a good mate die from skin cancer - 45 yo - it was the lousiest most unfair way to go.
But I stayed sober and I'm glad I did, cos however much I was suffering he and his wife were suffering more and I was glad to be there for them.
Drinking on grief is like trying to put a bandaid on a missing limb - the grief goes round and round, at least it gets pushed to one side for a while but it never really gets dealt with.
I know it sucks and it's painful - but I really believe you're better to deal with the pain rather than avoiding it, Piotr.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Torrance CA
Posts: 8
Piotr, For me, going it alone was always a failure. No matter how earnestly I wanted to stay sober, I always took that first drink. After many failed attempts, I opted for an inpatient program. It gave me a safe place to detox and get through the worst of it with support. I followed up with outpatient group. My desire for alcohol is gone.
A friend did an inpatient detox for about four days but went back out when he tried moderation. It sounds like a cliche (because it is), but admitting you are powerless over alcohol is the first step.
A friend did an inpatient detox for about four days but went back out when he tried moderation. It sounds like a cliche (because it is), but admitting you are powerless over alcohol is the first step.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Torrance CA
Posts: 8
Piotr, For me, going it alone was always a failure. No matter how earnestly I wanted to stay sober, I always took that first drink. After many failed attempts, I opted for an inpatient program. It gave me a safe place to detox and get through the worst of it with support. I followed up with outpatient group. My desire for alcohol is gone.
A friend did an inpatient detox for about four days but went back out when he tried moderation. It sounds like a cliche (because it is), but admitting you are powerless over alcohol is the first step.
A friend did an inpatient detox for about four days but went back out when he tried moderation. It sounds like a cliche (because it is), but admitting you are powerless over alcohol is the first step.
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