having a hard time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 303
having a hard time
Im only 23, but ive lost pretty much all my friends, and my family doesnt know who i really am or what ive done(no exaggeration). I have no one to talk to, but this site. I have no job, no way of paying my rent once my savings runs out, trying in school, but struggle, dont particularly excel in anything, school takes up so much time and im not even sure if i have the ability to get into the program i want to do and i cant work enough to make payments while in school. I refuse to ask for any handouts, i cant go back to my parents, im so mentally immature, i still act like a kid practically from all the drugs. I feel trapped, i feel my old lifestyle pulling me back. This last week has been good and this all just came crashing down on me. Everything is my fault, i find myself apologizing for things daily. i got no one except for my parents and they would be deeply hurt and worried, i am adopted and they are pretty old, id worry about them if they knew who i really was. My mom has been through way too much to deal with this too. Theyve done so much for me the only thing that keeps me alive is knowing theyd be crushed if something happened to me. I think the big thing about getting high for me is the loneliness, i dont belong anywhere, idk how you guys do it. I know im not the only one, im not that self centered, but its just hard to cope atm, regardless of the age is anyone else feeling alone?
Sorry i typed this fast hope it makes some kinda sense, i just need to vent this out. I know theres no sense in feeling sorry for myself, i just hit a low point tonight and would like to see if anyone out there can relate with similar issues.
Sorry i typed this fast hope it makes some kinda sense, i just need to vent this out. I know theres no sense in feeling sorry for myself, i just hit a low point tonight and would like to see if anyone out there can relate with similar issues.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I think a lot of us started from a similar point Jim - I know I did...I was a lot older than 23 tho 
I never felt like I fitted in anywhere either but a few months of sobriety reminded me of the guy I used to be.
It took a little while but I made friends and contacts again Jim.
I love my life now but none of it fell into my lap
Don't feel discouraged - it all takes a little time and effort.
The only thing you can really do is keep going for jobs man - any job just to get the rent together.
If that doesn't look like happening, look into what help you can get from your State maybe?
Volunteering looks good on a resume too - and can get you out connecting with people again
D
I never felt like I fitted in anywhere either but a few months of sobriety reminded me of the guy I used to be.
It took a little while but I made friends and contacts again Jim.
I love my life now but none of it fell into my lap
Don't feel discouraged - it all takes a little time and effort.
The only thing you can really do is keep going for jobs man - any job just to get the rent together.
If that doesn't look like happening, look into what help you can get from your State maybe?
Volunteering looks good on a resume too - and can get you out connecting with people again
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Hi!
When I was younger I felt really isolated, my brother and sister have a different dad than me and I never met my dad, I was really made to feel lesser than everyone and I had really low self esteem.
As I got older, around your age (I'm 32, not too old ) I stated joining in on things, clubs, classes, groups etc.
I felt really nervous and awkward at first, but with practice I felt comfortable, now I'm a social butterfly
Like dee said, maybe volunteering?
Good luck!
You can't be that bad! Even serial killers have friends
( not sure if that helps.... I'm really tired, been working over 12 hours)
When I was younger I felt really isolated, my brother and sister have a different dad than me and I never met my dad, I was really made to feel lesser than everyone and I had really low self esteem.
As I got older, around your age (I'm 32, not too old
) I stated joining in on things, clubs, classes, groups etc.I felt really nervous and awkward at first, but with practice I felt comfortable, now I'm a social butterfly
Like dee said, maybe volunteering?
Good luck!
You can't be that bad! Even serial killers have friends
( not sure if that helps.... I'm really tired, been working over 12 hours)
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Recovery is a tumultuous ride of ups and downs especially at the beginning .
Feeling different and isolating can be a big part of the "dis ease" .
"Handouts" are put there by well meaning people who have been there before to assist those who come after , i'm sure you will pay it forwards when you have some cash later in life .
Recovery in my experience is done in small steps that don't seem huge when you take them ( although they can be painful) , when you look back you can find you've come a long way … our hearts might waiver but we need to stay the course .
Your folks sound steady and regular , sounds like you've been a bit unsteady and irregular … maybe there is a lesson in there somewhere .
Take care , m
Feeling different and isolating can be a big part of the "dis ease" .
"Handouts" are put there by well meaning people who have been there before to assist those who come after , i'm sure you will pay it forwards when you have some cash later in life .
Recovery in my experience is done in small steps that don't seem huge when you take them ( although they can be painful) , when you look back you can find you've come a long way … our hearts might waiver but we need to stay the course .
Your folks sound steady and regular , sounds like you've been a bit unsteady and irregular … maybe there is a lesson in there somewhere .
Take care , m
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
This also may be part of the roller coaster we were talking about. I did suffer a fair bit of depression and bleak thoughts after I quit pot. You're at about a week, right? I mean, life might suck right now but your brain is probably telling it's worse than it is. It probably wants to convince you to use. You are young and one day you'll look back and things will be totally different. My life is nothing like it was when I was 23. There is so much time to make changes and build up your life, make mistakes and learn from them. I have a feeling you'll be just fine!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
When we are addicts we isolate from the rest of the world and as we get older and spend more time working/studying we can more less friends....watching my 3 year old son playing the other day in the shopping centre...he just walked up to another child and smiled at him and waited. After 20 seconds or so the other boy said something to him and they started running after each other. Half an hour later they stopped and I realised that they lived in the apartment building behind us so we agreed to bring the kids out to play on Saturday, to play with his new friend. Sometimes all it takes is a smile.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 508
A new day without using will be a positive day just because of not using!
Simplistic as this may be, it is my truth.
I feel for you, it's hard when your so young, so say the ancient one that's not yet 40!
Small steps today change the future course.
Sorry, babbling but didn't want to say nothing.
Be strong, you can do it!
Ok, seriously, I had a breakdown at 22 coz of my drug use, it took me 3 years of therapy, to get my head back to 'normal'
I've had problems with addiction as far back as I can remember & wished I'd never started using again.
Keep on keeping on
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
Simplistic as this may be, it is my truth.
I feel for you, it's hard when your so young, so say the ancient one that's not yet 40!
Small steps today change the future course.
Sorry, babbling but didn't want to say nothing.
Be strong, you can do it!
Ok, seriously, I had a breakdown at 22 coz of my drug use, it took me 3 years of therapy, to get my head back to 'normal'
I've had problems with addiction as far back as I can remember & wished I'd never started using again.
Keep on keeping on
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I think a lot of us started from a similar point Jim - I know I did...I was a lot older than 23 tho
I never felt like I fitted in anywhere either but a few months of sobriety reminded me of the guy I used to be.
It took a little while but I made friends and contacts again Jim.
I love my life now but none of it fell into my lap
Don't feel discouraged - it all takes a little time and effort.
The only thing you can really do is keep going for jobs man - any job just to get the rent together.
If that doesn't look like happening, look into what help you can get from your State maybe?
Volunteering looks good on a resume too - and can get you out connecting with people again
D
I never felt like I fitted in anywhere either but a few months of sobriety reminded me of the guy I used to be.
It took a little while but I made friends and contacts again Jim.
I love my life now but none of it fell into my lap
Don't feel discouraged - it all takes a little time and effort.
The only thing you can really do is keep going for jobs man - any job just to get the rent together.
If that doesn't look like happening, look into what help you can get from your State maybe?
Volunteering looks good on a resume too - and can get you out connecting with people again
D
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
I don't have much to add to what everyone else has already said, but I do want to tell you that sometimes you just have to start taking action. If that means settling for any old job, than so be it. Not many successful people started out anywhere near what they are currently doing.
But one thing is certain, no substances other than food and water are going to help you get there.
Hang in there Jim!
But one thing is certain, no substances other than food and water are going to help you get there.
Hang in there Jim!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I strongly support the idea of volunteering. I began volunteering at the outset of my recovery and it really saved me. I was inspired on a daily basis and I made some good friends. Volunteering can help you find paid work. As Dee said, it looks good on a resume, and it helps you to get outside of yourself.
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