adi

Hello. I am a 20 year old college student living with my parents. I do not have a drinking problem myself, but my mom does. I think it is mild compared to others alcohol usage and thus alcohol causes less pain for me than it does for the lives of others on this forum. My mom drinks a bottle of wine, plus some every night. It has been about 12 years since she started this routine. When she is drunk she is very frustrating to talk to, argumentative, and doesn't remember conversations the next day. She is sober during the day. I do not have to be around her often when she is drunk, but my dad is with her every night, and he has told me it pains him. I am 21, and though I live with my parents, I am usually not around at nighttime. I feel very guilty when I leave my dad alone to deal with this, and to think about how he feels night after night. I am worried that if I move out he will be very lonely and sad, and especially if a tragedy occurs and she is not able to offer support because of her drinking. Of course, I am also worried about my mom. Her drinking problem seems to get worse when there are not others around. When my dad was out of town, there was one incident where I found her lying down in a fetal position with her pants and underwear down around her ankles in the living room. My dad has spoken with her to no avail. I want to talk to her as well, although I am finding it very difficult to work up the courage. If anyone has tips or advice on the best way to bring this up to her, and maybe what to expect, this would be very appreciated. Maybe I am not looking in the right places, but most of my friends blow this off and I can't find anyone to speak to about it besides my dad. I recognize that I am in a far better position than other people who have alcohol addicted love ones, but it still causes me daily hurt and distress.

notgonnastoptry

I think if you scroll down, you'll find a place for family members of alcoholics. This post was really "sobering" for me--to see what it's like on the other side. Many of us here are parents and we often don't realize the hurt that our addictions have caused our children. I know I have done my fair share (nothing horrendous, but like your mother, I can argue, and then I don't' even remember conversations the next day).

adi

Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply! I did not realize I was in the wrong thread (sorry!). I will re-post in the correct thread.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for what brings you here adi - that's a lot of weight on the shoulders of a young guy.

I know you'll find support and encouragement here - both in this forum and our Family and friends forum too. (You're not in 'the wrong place' at all - you're very welcome here in Newcomers )

The one thing I really want to say is - you shouldn't have to be a parent to your mom, and I'm sure your dad feels the same way about this.

Your sense of duty is admirable - but don't put your life on hold. If you move out your dad will cope, just as he copes now when you're not there.

Other will have better suggestions on how you might approach the subject with your mom. Keep in mind tho, your dads tried and probably for years...

Personally I think moving out might just be a more definitive statement than any conversation you could have,

D

mns1

Hi adi,

Sorry to hear about these circumstances. I can't personally comment on it, but I can tell you that you've come to a great place in which you will find advice that is useful to you.

Hang in there!

GracieLou

We all have a different bottom when it comes to dealing with loved ones that are alcoholics.

Yours will be different from your fathers and he has to reach his own, it sounds like you are already there or real close.

There is nothing you can do or say to make your mother reach her bottom. If she has no consequences or negative outcomes due to her drinking then she has no reason to face her problem much less do anything about it but that does not guarantee she will change either. When they are in denial, only their own desire to change and to see they have a problem will cause them to seek help. They have to get to that point on their own.

Your part in all of this is to take care of yourself. To get information and support and to protect yourself from her wreckage. Your father will need to do the same in his own time.

Drinking to excess when others are not around is common. There is no one to see and nothing to hide so they drink the way they want to and as much as they want to.

You love your mother and you care what happens to her but don't lose yourself or your own life in the process. Do what you need to do for you and if that is distancing yourself from the situation then by all means do that.