ANewDayNYC

I am not going to drink tonight. However, I can feel my desire to stay sober rapidly deteriorating by the day. Work is stressful and by the end of the week I always have a strong temptation to drink. Bars also used to be my main way of socializing and meeting people.

After a tough drinking night, I can usually go 2 weeks to a month without drinking. However, then things get difficult. I will then usually have a night or two that I drink very responsibly and then after that be fully back into “binge drinking mode”.

A lot of people here post how being sober makes them feel a lot happier. I haven’t felt that way yet – drinking was my main escape and it feels so much tougher having to go through my week sober. The main two benefits I have seen is I am not wasting as much money and absence of bad nights (eg. Not losing phones/jacket/etc.).

I feel conflicted. Similar to exercise, I know very clearly what the right thing to do is – however there is part of me that wants to escape/not go forward with the difficult, correct path.

PurpleKnight

For the first few months, I wouldn't have said I was happy, I was existing, my mind was all over the place, I doubted what I was doing, in essence I still wanted to drink!!

In hindsight though the magic started to happen after a solid 3-6 months of Sobriety, I got comfortable in my new routine, the benefits started to show themselves.

Hang in there and push through to the good bit!! You can do this!!

Mags1

Hi ANew, I think I hid my head and troubles in a bottle, didn't face up to reality. When I stopped I had and still do, to face life, basically and all it throws at us. It is an escapism but only to a prison.

Dee74

My happiness wasn;t instant by any means - it took at least 3 months for me to even start to feel happy, ANewDayNYC

I also had to find new ways of socialising and getting out of the house, and new ways of dealing with stress.

Maybe that's an area you can focus on this weekend?

D

mns1

NewDayNYC,

I had trouble finding fulfillment when I first started getting sober. I think a lot of people do. It wasn't until I slowed down and gave thought to what I really want out of life that I started to find a sense of direction. And it was relatively recently.

To comment on your exercise analogy, sobriety, like exercise, is what you make of it. If things aren't working, it might just mean you have to tweak something.

If going to the gym as usual is boring, try something like a martial arts class. Similarly, if you're life as it is seems bland, chances are there is something you can do to spice it up.

Think, what are your interests, your passions?

least

At three months sober I was not happy. I was frustrated and confused. I started practicing gratitude every day and was amazed at how much better I felt, mentally and physically.

At first it was hard finding something to be grateful for, but it didn't take long to get used to being grateful.

We even have a gratitude forum here just for expressing gratitude. Give it a try.

Ellay

I totally hear you, Anew. I miss the escape. But, I know in my heart of hearts that I am not meant to drink anymore. I need to find a new way to escape , or figure out why or what I am trying to escape.

FireTiger

Newdaynyc,

I feel you...I'm in the same boat right now somewhat. I have been through this hundreds of times and I have been sober/happy for a long time through working the steps in aa. It takes a long time for your brain to really clear. Everyone is different. For me I usually feel great after a few days and on a pink cloud, then I can take a sharp nose dive. The key seems to be to not place so much emphasis on the way you feel. A feeling is just a feeling, and that's it. It's temporary. I got to this place because I was always concerned with feeling good. My suggestion is to talk to someone else in aa, go to a meeting, exercise, work on a project, read something cool, crank it out at work, do whatever but sit in your own thought. For the first few months, it's a dangerous place to be inside your head. I only have a few days like you but I have been hitting a meeting everyday and doing the deal. I don't feel better yet and my head is all messed up. I'm happy one minute and miserably depressed the next. It's quite the bizzare ride. When I take my mind of my precious feelings by doing something to connect with others or the universe, I forget how I feel and just go on. Eventually it gets better, I promise. If you are feeling really bad and nothing else is working, talk to a therapist. Brain chemistry is a delicate matter and we can really mess ourselves up. The good news is it heals!

Arbor

I hear you anewday. I'm three months in and still don't feel right. The past few days I've been thinking of drinking again all of sudden. I made it through the holidays so strong without a thought. But now? The only thing that's keeping me going is my commitment sometimes. I'm glad it's strong enough. But as time goes on its becoming apparent that I need to let go of my thoughts and feelings towards drinking. That's a hard thing to do all the time. Practice makes perfect. Keep on keeping on!

Rina

I get the same thoughts but then I just try to remember that I might feel better temporarily but it is inevitable that I will feel worse. I never want to feel the way I did when I decided to quit. We are choosing not to chemically induce a change in our mood anymore that could lead to a blackout. We can choose to keep doing this one day at a time and actually trust those that have long term sobriety when they say that it gets infinitely better. Our brains are sick and they want us to drink and it's going to take a lot of work to heal and thrive without alcohol. So I hear you..I really do.

Alwyshope12

Thank you everyone for your posts! This is so motivational. I have been coming here religiously working on getting my time in and learning from everyone here.

I know it will get better, but the encouragement from you all is exactly what I needed right now!

Hereandnow2

I was also miserable the first three months and just now at 7 mo am starting to not really wish I was at a bar. That was my life for a long time but slowly through making sober friends, finding hobbies, and working the steps I'm actually kinda thinking I can really do this sober thing!

Nofearnobeer

Just past 2 months here...Not exactly a real happy chipper person and tired , fatigues most of the time...But these kind supportive SR folks keep saying 3 - 6 months and things should straighten out...I'll take their word for it...And trust me , a few Pale Ales would probably take care of an urge , but it would kill the plan and possibly me...

So , I'll stay the sober course....And if in 6 months , it doesn't work out , then i'll request a full refund from this SR place for all the money it saved me.... ??? Hmm , lol...

SoberLeigh

At three months sober, I wouldn't say that I was happy but I definitely felt that I was 'better' and, for me, that was enough. Happiness took time and work and it definitely came in abundance but for quite some time 'better' was all I needed to keep going.

Stick with it, ANewDay.

pumpkinny

Hang in there ANew, this is not an easy process. I'm 6 months in and feel bored, lonly, unmotivated, ya know, meh quite often. I have the 'things were better while drinking' moments, but for me if I take a minute to focus on the darker moments of drinking days, I know 'meh' is so much better. Push yourself through your temptation. Try treating yourself to whatever else you might enjoy. Keep SR logged in, to feel as if you are not alone. Hang 8n there!

JanieJ

I'm all over the place as well, at three months now, but I know from reading here and my counsellor who worked in rehab that it is totally normal for the brain to be like this at this time.

Honestly, some days I feel like sleeping for a year. But I get up , tend to my business, go see my grandkids, do a little exercise, AA meetings, and post here every day. I just stick to the routine whatever happens, and that's all I am capable of at the moment.

I am sober. That's enough.

I think it's a shock to us alkies - we numbed everything out, and it hits us like a train when we experience reality in all it's glory.

The old timers say it will get better, and it will.

Hang in there (())