Brendan84

Hi Guys, I'm Brendan

I live in Leeds, England. I'm 30 years old, out of work, living at home. I'm not dependent on alcohol, however, I do subscribe myself a dose once the clock hits 8pm.
It's a lonely life I have. Even more so when my mum got cancer and had a big operation. She sleeps downstairs, so I stay up in my bedroom as of late.

Now, I drink because of my situation, to get away....from what you might ask? well..my thoughts...my anger and frustration.
But those around me don't understand how I am hurting
"well...just get a job"
"just get a nice girl, you'll be fine"
"You have to do it it's your mum"

My esteem is shot to sh*t and I know they cannot comprehend that. Last night I had both my parents telling me to f*k off and that I am no good.
...Even from a mom I've cared for with cancer and visited every day!!
I can't see why she would say such a thing!! ....it just shows how much a parents inluence is on a child. When i''m a dad, no chance of that abuse!!

I do lose my temper, and it is always justified, but with drink involved...they blame it on the drink and not what I am saying...fuelling more frustration. Nobody sees you for what you really are or mean when you have a drink. It gives others ammunition to use against you no matter what you say! "ur drunk, blah blah blah" "you have had a drink, blab blah blah"

Do u feel that to?

Well anyway, I am not alcohol dependent, but I want to join this community to help myself and others.

I've done it with social anxiety, and I'm hoping together we can reframe the 12 steps into the modern world together and change habits toegether.

We did not come out of the world with these indulgences. We learned them, and we become accustomed to them. We adapted.

It's no different from other cultures who smoke leaves to get high!

Social conduct frames us as alcoholics, but we're not. We are just people who want to escape.

Escape from what? I don't know. We all have our own stories to tell. But *** it, we do it......and we will influence it together

I hope to be a contributor to this community - Brendan

Soberwolf

Welcome Brendan its nice to meet you

i completly agree with Anna this isnt about changing a recovery programme this is about changing ourselves

im the alcoholic i had to change to stay sober

AA really helped me with that but there are lots of other things i done too

im 32

Anna

Welcome!

I am an alcoholic.

Alcohol was a symptom in my life of issues that I needed to deal with. But, I needed to stop drinking first.

I'm not an AA person, but I strongly doubt that the 12 steps will be reframed any time soon. If you are looking to stop drinking and you don't want to use the 12 steps, there are other methods to recover.

Brendan84

I think there should be. I don't believe in God, and I don't think a lot of drinkers believe in it either.

But...psychology...knowing why we got to this place..might help...and give more choice.

Look! we didn't come out the womb drinking...we do this for a reason!!

Jsbodhi

Hi! Welcome :-)
I don't believe in god but I really like AA. Someone said we can make our higher power the group GOD= group of drunks haha

leviathan

welcome, brendon. sorry your life is not so great lately. i think your decision to reach out is a good one. with all thats going on for you, drinking is just adding to the load.

mns1

Hi Brenden, I am sorry to hear of the hardship in your life.

As others have touched on, there are many methods of approaching sobriety. If you want to change the ones that you know of, then chances are they simply aren't the ones that will work for you.

In which case, you've come to a good place! You will find loads of suggestions here!

tommyinphilly

Good luck Brendan. I had to hit rock bottom before I was able to stop drinking. I'm really glad you are taking proactive steps now. It will save you a lot of misery. AA is working for me but have added any help I could get. You don't need any belief in God to apply AA, just the realization that you can't do it alone. It's been around for 75 years and helped lots of people. Before you try fixing it, give it a go. Either way good luck. You will find plenty of support here

fini

hi Brendan,

i've now read your post twice, and see you're wanting support and to connect with others...is that right?
as to your wish to change the 12 steps, you can find some "secular/agnostic" versions in the "secular 12-step support" forum farther down the list.
hm...nowhere in your post do i see a mention of wanting to quit drinking...where are you at with that?

Brendan84

Thanks Fini, and all posters.

My original post was that we seek esteem and some mental framework.

We may get that from the 12 steps, yes, and I want to try encourage other ways.

Ur right Fini - I don't need to quit drinking. I just have a stigma attached to me because of drink...as you'll read in the original. Crazy tho..all of the ones we remember nowadays had their vices ;-)

Thepatman

I lived for years thinking my drinking didn't affect my job, relationships, health, finances.

I am one of the lucky ones, have not lost everything. But it was slowly getting to that point of no return. Now I am sober, picking up the broken pieces of my life.

At 30 you are still at an age that you can switch things around and have a family, job, name it. But make no mistake about it, as long as Alcohol is in your life, things will keep getting worst.

Good luck and glad you are posting

tommyinphilly

I hope you find the support you are looking for here but it might not be the best forum. This is a support group for alcoholics who need to stop drinking. If the SR works for you then God bless and welcome

JadedGirl

Hey I'm not going to make any assumptions or judgements because we are all different but if you are not dependent then please make sure that you don't head down that road because it's a lot harder to get out of it than prevent it in the first place. It sounds like your not drinking to,socialise and have fun your drinking for many of the same reasons myself (and I'm sure others) do (did) too. Loneliness, frustration, escape, because it makes us feel (falsely) more confident and relaxed. I don't know at which point my drinking became something that had a hold on me, it has a habit of really creeping up on you. Maybe you are in control of it and maybe you're not but if you are then please make sure you don't let it get you because when it does it sucks x

SoberLeigh

Welcome, Brendan, to SR.

Here is a link to methods for sobriety which do not include AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-connections/

Soberpotamus

This community isn't for moderate drinkers. Are you sure you don't need to quit drinking? Some of us have spent years in that state of mind, waffling over moderating vs. quitting. It would be sad if you were to spend the next ten years trying to moderate, and then show up here at SoberRecovery at age 40, much worse off than you are now.

Welcome to SR!

Btw, there are many methods and programs of recovery, including secular ones. There's also a collection of alternative and secular 12 Steps. Check out AAAgnostica.com

Fly N Buy

Glad you're here,
keep coming back!

Dee74

Hi Brendan and welcome

If you're not dependent then why not simply stop drinking of an evening and find something else to do - hobbies interests? passions?. Do some community volunteer work maybe?

Alcohol coloured my perception of my world and myself.

I think you'd notice a great improvement in your self esteem if you stopped drinking and found something meaningful to do.

D

hayley86

Welcome! You have found a great place for support. Glad you've joined us.

OnMyWay7

Hi and welcome. Ever think of therapy? Maybe that would help. Depressions runs in my family but I'm here because I'm an alcoholic (there I said it) i am and I started drinking to get numb and because I was feeling sorry for myself. If you're not dependent just stop and get the help you need you're worth it. Because you're parents should make you feel good and treat you with love and support even when making boundaries - not call you names.

Take care of yourself.