Always feeling like I need something to be myself

Old 01-10-2015, 01:05 PM
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Wink Always feeling like I need something to be myself

I was thinking about why I drink. Or why i did drink.

I've always thought that on my own, without any kind of chemical assistance, I've been unable to be at my best. If it wasn't alcohol, it would be caffeine. Years ago it used to be cocaine, and other drugs. I'd constantly assess myself all day long. Oh maybe I can't concentrate because I need sugar, or caffeine, or water etc. If only I gave my brain/body what it wanted then I'd be ready to go and accomplish anything at full capacity.
But on the otherhand, during the other times, it was also about shutting my brain down. I'd smoke weed, take painkillers, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds. Anything to help me stop overthinking and overanalysing everything, which is what I did. I've long stopped those.

Now I've learned to just embrace my state of mind and accept it and work with what I've got. There's no magic pill, no cure-all potion, and no drink that will make me who I want to be. I can be who I want without all of that stuff.

It's nearly 7 days since I had a drink, and I'm starting to think more clearly.

Onwards and upwards.

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Old 01-10-2015, 01:08 PM
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Onwards and upwards indeed.

Well done on 7 days.
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Old 01-10-2015, 01:09 PM
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I think it's all about acceptance. Love who you are.
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Old 01-10-2015, 01:09 PM
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Well done on 7 days.
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Old 01-10-2015, 01:11 PM
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Yes, onwards and upwards, Mysteryman; very nice post.

It's too bad that it often takes us so long to figure out that we are pretty okay the way we are.
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Old 01-10-2015, 01:15 PM
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Onware and upward indeed! Kick all those "shoulds," whether coming from others or yourself, to the curb. They limit "who" you are as much as the booze and drugs do.
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Old 01-10-2015, 01:28 PM
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Do your best
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Well done on a week sober

Exellent post Mysteryman
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Old 01-10-2015, 02:37 PM
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Very perceptive post mysteryman.

Last edited by KarenSmith; 01-10-2015 at 02:37 PM. Reason: edit
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Old 01-10-2015, 03:39 PM
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Nice post, congrats on a week.
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Old 01-10-2015, 04:40 PM
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Congrats on 7 days! I used to be exactly the same. I always felt empty, I always felt like I needed something desperately to make me feel alive, more human, normal. I completely understand where you're coming from. For an addict, 7 days is a massive step. You should be proud of yourself
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Old 01-10-2015, 04:41 PM
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I can entirely relate. In fact I used alcohol, almost exclusively so as to become the person I wanted to be. I finally got to the point that I didn't care who I was with or without alcohol and I knew that it wasn't worth the hassle just so I could put up a veneer. As more sober weeks pass and my body and brain chemisty begin to reset themselves, I see that alcohol was the problem in the first place. What I thought was the cure was actually the cause and what I thought was the remedy was actually the disease. Congratulations on your journey so far. You should feel proud of yourself.
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Old 01-10-2015, 04:48 PM
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Jinx, Sober Andy. Seems like we are on the same wavelength..
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Old 01-10-2015, 04:51 PM
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Congratulations on 7 days sober.
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