Spacegoat

It's probably gone beyond that. In any case I feel like giving up.

I have been on here a good bit recently, generally being positive, trying to offer some input, getting involved in conversations etc.
The reality is that I am in deep sh*t. I have lost everything that most people would consider important, including my self.
My family, my kids, my savings, my apartment, friends, careers, the lot. And it's all because of alcohol abuse.

I've been trying to blame everyone else around me for their part, but at the end of the day as I know you can't change others, I've been in denial about my role & drink. I have been in denial for a long time now. Yes I have sought help or treatment for alcohol dependance before but only when I was at my wits end, all I was looking for were tablets then to make it stop (the insomnia, the depression, and the hurt). I couldn't see any further past that then, there was no light at the end of the tunnel for such a very long time.

There's been times when I have been off it and doing good. Content, cheerful, positive, optomistic and doing whats required, then something painful would happen and I would go back on it and end up like a demon again. I realize that thats the flashpoint now, not going for it and always remembering that, it's always the same and has ruined me.

I'm not sure what is the point of this post. I could go on and on believe me, as I have never opened up my true feelings to anyone. I have been confused about them because of the drink for many years. I read how people have pulled back from the brink and worse, and I haven't done anything terrible. But I am feeling pretty hopeless right now.

Is it too late for me??? I'm only 30. I still have lots to offer

All I have been searching for my life is honesty, security & happiness

I did not have those things growing up and its looking like I never will

ScottFromWI

It's never too late. I didn't quit until my 40's and many people quit in their 50s, 60s and beyond. No one is destined to keep drinking either, it's a personal choice you have to make.

Why not start out with the honesty you seek listed above. Be 100% honest with yourself that you cannot ever, for any reason, pick up the first drink. And then do whatever it takes to stay quit. That will most likely mean doing things you do not want to do, and being told things you do not want to hear. But in the end it's really a choice...and a choice that you have the power to make.

FreeOwl

definitely not too late.

one simple step at a time, you can turn your life down an ever-better road.

you can find yourself looking back on this time with love in your heart, compassion for yourself, understanding of why the journey took you there.

Every glorious story started somewhere. Every terrible time in our lives looks less bleak from a point further on.

Hang in there.... work sobriety. Just focus on that.... just WORK sobriety and WORK on YOU.

It will get better.

SoberLeigh

Honesty, security and happiness ARE real possibilities. They CAN become a part of your future.

You mentioned that you have sought treatment for alcohol dependence in the past. Are you receptive to trying that again; what about face-to-face counseling?

Have you tried AA? The introspection and the healing that many here say that the Steps provide may help you with the issues of your past.

Part of Recovery is learning and utilizing healthy coping skills and tools. Practicing them daily helps us prepare for the events in life that truly shake us and send us scrambling for ways to cope. If this tools are handy and well used, we are ahead of the game.

Many people here have found RR and AVRT useful; have you looked into that. There is a link here. I will send it to you.

SoberLeigh

Here you go:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

Soberwolf

Never too late Stratman i got sober at 31 and im 8 days away from 18 months

For me it starts with acceptance

Good advice on this thread stick with sobriety its going to be worth it

try these links http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

Verte

Don't give up Stratman. You are on your path which means everything and is exactly where you need to be. I agree, the rawness of emotion is really hard at times. But every teensy good thing feels that much better while sober as opposed to hungover when not much feels good at all. Don't you think? Please do not give up.

brynn

Hey..totally not too late.
I lost my career and husband to my drunken choices, so I understand where your coming from. It's a lot to come back from, but I'm doing it. I'm still alive, and where there is life there is hope. I have a hope now that I never had while I was drinking.

As for those things your looking for...honesty, security, happiness....those are things you give yourself.

I'm really glad you posted...this was an honest post and I think it's a great first step.

courage2

This is where it begins. It's time to give up, really. Give up on the illusion of alcohol. Learn to live.

It isn't easy. It's taken me two years to begin to build a life that I can look at in the face. But anyone who really wants it can do it. It does though start, at least in my case, with utter defeat. It sounds like you're there.

My experience -- cling to SR, and get some face-to-face support. I did AA not because I love it but because it's cheap, available around the clock where I live, and discreet. Eat ice cream and post post post!

I have a good feeling about you, Stratman1. Welcome to the real world!

Soberpotamus

Definitely not too late! As you'll see people quit at all different ages and are successful.

The qualities you've mentioned... honesty, security, happiness... those are all defined somewhat differently by each of us. Security can be illusory. Happiness is fleeting. I believe we all have different comfort levels and the ability to tolerate varying levels of dissatisfaction.

Giving up and drinking is a cop-out. It's the quickest way to sabotage any progress in life toward those qualities you want so much.

There are ways to cope with distress each day so that you don't drink. Have you thought of any things you can do? Things that worked for me early on: distraction, exercise, eating, urge surfing, reading, writing, chatting online and posting.

Don't give up when you feel like throwing in the towel. It gets better.

JanieJ

Stratman, I'm 52 , divorced, career options down the pan, no money, not many friends.

I only wish I'd given up when I was your age.

I also did not have honesty or security when I was growing up. But I'm learning to rebuild my own.

Please don't give up ! As many have said, there is a better life waiting for you, all you have to do is start walking towards it.

Fly N Buy

Man, what a heartfelt post. Good for you~! Asking, reaching out is tough for many of us. You just took a very big first step, friend.

Many of us blamed others - if only they would.....xyz ......Life would be perfect!

Here's a paragraph from a program I attend which has help me stop and give me a plan for living and moving on. I am 55 and hoped it wasn't too late for me

It's never too late as long as we are above ground. If I croak tomorrow, I will have died sober and gained almost 7 months. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

quote-
We thought "conditions" drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics. It never occurred to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions.


The point in your post as I read it is = There's help here and outside if you want it.....sounds like you're accepting and ready- get to it!!!

Kind Regards,
Flyn

LBrain

I'm only 30... almost 26 years ago I could say that. So I lost my job at 54.7 years. Got sober. I picked up a new instrument at my year sober point - never learned how to play anything. Had my second ever music lesson today. I wish I could go back 25 years and know then what I know now. I still have many good years left. Learning to live and enjoy life without alcohol as part of it takes some doing. But I have confidence that I can still learn new things. I'm taking music lessons ain't I? What could be if I started learning 25 years ago...?

Raider

Stratman, it's never too late and you are so young. Yea, it will suck for awhile. You're ahead of a bunch of us on this site. Sober at 30 would be awesome. Praying.

KarenSmith

Stratman, I am not in much of a position to give advice, but here goes. First your presence on SR has been helpful to to others including me. Second, the fact that you are expressing yourself honestly, even if it is anonymously online is a great start. You are putting it out there, admitting your problems, which can lead you farther down the line. You can't undo the mistakes you made overnight, but you can start. One step at a time. One day at a time. Just don't give up. If only I had SR and the internet at 30 over 20 years ago. There are so many resources available to you just by getting on the computer. Or go to meeting. If you live in an urban/suburban area there are many choices available. Build a new life one day a time. Start activities that don't involve drinking. I joined hiking group for example. You will find a lot of support here.

Fly N Buy

.

DuhDave

It is never too late Stratman! I just turned 62 and I'am at Day 2 V.10.0. I may have a hundred 100 Day 1's before I have a hundred days sober but I will never give up trying!

Dont YOU give up either ! We're here for you. We're counting on you to be here for us!

DD

Dee74

I quit at 40 stratman - I was an all day every day drinker for 5 years, and I nearly died.
I was a heavy binger before that.

It's never too late man - never

D

PurpleKnight

It's never too late Stratman!!

I went round and round in circles for a long time, and the thing is it's an addiction, I found it tough to crack, I spent my 20s spiralling into alcoholism and made the change to Sobriety when I hit 30!!

You can do this, if I can then you can, never give up!!

Hevyn

Stratman, I'm so glad you posted about how you're feeling. As the others have said, it's certainly not too late. I was almost 20 yrs. older than you when I finally admitted I was trapped by alcoholism. Still, it took me awhile to repair the damage and stop feeling guilty. You are right to be honest about your frustration - sharing with others who've been there is the best thing to do. We care about you - never, ever give up.