The road to leaving marijuana
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1
The road to leaving marijuana
This post is to help myself stay focused, considering the fact that I have never finished anything I have started.
I am 19 years old and I have been obsessed with the thought of drugs ever since reading Crank and Go Ask Alice. So as soon as I read these in 7th grade, I begged all of my sisters older friends to get me some weed. And this is when everything fell apart. I became obsessed with wanting to try ALL drugs.
So I start with alcohol and pot. Then I meet my ex-bf freshman year. He takes away all of my friends and then, right after we break up, after I finally get the courage to leave him for everything wrong he did, my step dad kicks me out. Now of course I was wild. I got arrested three times. I wrecked my car and lost everything. I tried weed, alcohol, Xanax, CCC, Molly, ecstasy, shrooms, acid, and whatever else got offered. Then I find vyvanse and adderall.
I begin to take vyvanse daily. Buying full scripts, having bottles full and still searching for more adderall. My grades went up, I got a raise, I began to talk to my family again. And then one day when I ran out, I realized how badly I was strung out, how badly my body needed rest.
So I went back to smoking pot, 5 or more blunts daily. And I was always smoking alone. Wake up, school, work, and smoke breaks all in between.
So I could quit all these drugs easily, just not marijuana.
So here I am. Wondering how my life is like this. No money, no heat, no weed.
I am supposed to make tonight my first night without smoking. But for some reason, I want so badly to go buy an eighth and just get high as fu**.
But this morning I was crying, hating myself, for being such a screw up. I still haven't signed up for college or fixed my car or the apartment heater or taken my dog to exercise.
But I'm still tempted to smoke. After all the crying and stress from wanting to smoke, and yet, here I am again. On the line of buying more or trying to pull through the night.
I am 19 years old and I have been obsessed with the thought of drugs ever since reading Crank and Go Ask Alice. So as soon as I read these in 7th grade, I begged all of my sisters older friends to get me some weed. And this is when everything fell apart. I became obsessed with wanting to try ALL drugs.
So I start with alcohol and pot. Then I meet my ex-bf freshman year. He takes away all of my friends and then, right after we break up, after I finally get the courage to leave him for everything wrong he did, my step dad kicks me out. Now of course I was wild. I got arrested three times. I wrecked my car and lost everything. I tried weed, alcohol, Xanax, CCC, Molly, ecstasy, shrooms, acid, and whatever else got offered. Then I find vyvanse and adderall.
I begin to take vyvanse daily. Buying full scripts, having bottles full and still searching for more adderall. My grades went up, I got a raise, I began to talk to my family again. And then one day when I ran out, I realized how badly I was strung out, how badly my body needed rest.
So I went back to smoking pot, 5 or more blunts daily. And I was always smoking alone. Wake up, school, work, and smoke breaks all in between.
So I could quit all these drugs easily, just not marijuana.
So here I am. Wondering how my life is like this. No money, no heat, no weed.
I am supposed to make tonight my first night without smoking. But for some reason, I want so badly to go buy an eighth and just get high as fu**.
But this morning I was crying, hating myself, for being such a screw up. I still haven't signed up for college or fixed my car or the apartment heater or taken my dog to exercise.
But I'm still tempted to smoke. After all the crying and stress from wanting to smoke, and yet, here I am again. On the line of buying more or trying to pull through the night.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Beck welcome youl find a lot of support here try & pull through the night try this for urges http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
also here NEW! Marijuana Addiction - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Hang in there friend
also here NEW! Marijuana Addiction - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Hang in there friend
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Hi Beck, and welcome!
It is hard, but think about this. Why buy weed to continue the stress it has caused rather than focus on dealing with building a life that doesnt suck?
You have no heat, no control(5 blunts a day?)
We have all been there, I promise you. Instead of struggling with these issues, let it all go.
It isnt easy, but it is, ya know? When faced with real suffering a buzz doesnt make it any better, just mentally easier to deal with. But when the buzz wears off the same ole BS is still there, which is why you were crying this morning.
Post here a lot, read a lot. No one here judges and believe me, we have all had the same or worst situations.
It is hard, but think about this. Why buy weed to continue the stress it has caused rather than focus on dealing with building a life that doesnt suck?
You have no heat, no control(5 blunts a day?)
We have all been there, I promise you. Instead of struggling with these issues, let it all go.
It isnt easy, but it is, ya know? When faced with real suffering a buzz doesnt make it any better, just mentally easier to deal with. But when the buzz wears off the same ole BS is still there, which is why you were crying this morning.
Post here a lot, read a lot. No one here judges and believe me, we have all had the same or worst situations.
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