Lucrezia

So I've made it to day 40. This is longer than I've ever gone. My longest ever before this was 38 days... and a bunch of times I tried to quit after that, I made it even less days.... I had tried to quit before that, too. 38 days is the longest.

But now, I am on day 40. I had my first sober new years. And I made it past my previous stretch. But but... the last couple of days, I have been craving. I noticed a couple of days ago some warning signs of pre-relapse that I learned in outpatient. Things like imagining drinking, the thought crossing my mind, cravings.... and now it's moved on to even worse signs... imagining how I would drink, *if* I did, where, what, what I could tell my couneselour, etc... I don't know how to get over this.

I basically feel kinda low, and I miss the drink. I miss that "high" I guess you could say. I know it's terrble after, but... I still really miss the good feeling, AND the escape from my stressed out, anxious, worried mind..... I'm finding it difficult to not drink.

What can I do???

I haven't been to AA yet because of my extreme social phobia. But I am taking steps to get there...I just don't know what to do right now. Any advice??? I feel like I keep going this long, and then it feels not worth it anymore. Like I can drink once or twice and then go on to sobriety again. But this is messed up thinking... right??!?

Stoogy

I think quitting is obviously a great leap for anyone and you should be very proud of your progress, but I do believe there is more aspects that need to be changed in order to maintain sobriety, I found the boredom needed to be addressed as I spent most days just drinking and watching tv etc, so once I removed the alcohol I found I had too many hours to fill without changing other aspects even if it's just routine things like getting out the house regular to keep my mind off drinking, hobbies etc can be a great source.

strategery

Lucrezia, I am on day 45 and have also been experiencing cravings. Just because you are having cravings doesn't mean you have to act on them. I think cravings are one of those things that come and go. I would make sure to remain extra vigilant, play the tape forward of the consequences with drinking, make sure you don't put yourself into a situation you'd be tempted to drink, think about why you want to be sober, and why you quit drinking. Also, I think it's great you're reaching out. AA might be a good place to reach out right now too.

SoberLeigh

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Here's a useful link, Lucrezia.

Soberwolf

Hi Lucrezia well done on day 40 early recovery is a rollercoaster you are having cravings which will pass

the thing you miss is a fake high its really a low thats why we chose to get sober

lean on us for 24h support there is always somewhere here my friend in the meantime print off these links and read them when you get cravings continue to reach out my friend

I think aa is a good idea

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

and there are online meetings here at SR every tuesday & fridays 9pm EST

SoberLeigh

And another:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

SoberLeigh

Hope you can get to AA; don't let social anxiety holdyu back; I don't believe that you have to talk or socialize; maybe just try listening and absorbing for a while until you feel more comfortable.

Stick with it, Lucrezia; you are doing this.

Lucrezia

Thank you for the links... I'm checking them out now. I remember the urge surfing one... also my therapist teaches it. But I still don't quite get it. I am just here, with my cravings, which are really just thoughts... I don't really feel them in my body... not really. They're all thoughts of drinking, and how good it would feel to drink... it's so hard.

For AA, before I had checked out the times and dates and places of some meetings, and I got ready as if I was going and walked slowly to them, before they were about to start... as I got closer and started to freak out, I did my calming techniques I learned in therapy to calm down. I did that again as I walked closer, etc. Then I walked past and went home. I did that for two different meetings. I'm going to talk to my counselour on tuesday to see about what to do next... I want to double check the times and places (he can help - some are out of date) and then maybe make the goal of stepping in the door. Even if I leave after that, it's another step.... (this is how bad my anxiety is!!! And it sucks, because anxiety is one of the reasons I drank, haha...oh dear....)

So I'm eating something now, and going to read some more of those threads. But this is hard because my mind is turning against me and saying it's ok to drink, and that no one will know. But I will know. Maybe if I make it not so much of a "I can't drink" but a "I can drink if I want to. Now... now that I CAN, do I actually want to???" like, how when something is off limits it looks desirable.
But when you have a choice, you realise that there are actually reasons you might not want to drink after all... I hope this helps.

Lucrezia

Oooops.... double post.

SoberLeigh

Your AV is working over-time, Lucrezia. Keep telling it that it will not win; let it know that you recognize it for who and what it is - a demon and a liar. Tell it that its words are empty and its promises unfulfilling. Letbit know that it no longer owns you - that you are in control now.

Hope you can get to AA.

Have you looked onto RR and AVRT? I will send you a link.

SoberLeigh

Here you go:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

Lucrezia

Thank you for the link!! Haven't read that far, but already I know who I am going to compare my AV to..... maybe that will help.

strategery

Do not give yourself the "I can drink, but do I want to" option. That does not end well. Drinking should not be an option for either of us.

You're romanticizing the drinking versus looking at the hard realities of it. I am not sure if you have done this, but spend some time on the newcomer's thread and look at the things some people are going through. Do you want to go back to that? It could easily be you or me if we go back. I think it was matilda that had a thread about a friend of her brother that is dying of liver failure at 41. Something to think about.

Lucrezia

Well what I'm trying to say is, all this saying "I can't drink" is making me want to fight it... but when I say "I can drink" it suddenly, somehow, all becomes clear to me why I'm not drinking. It works this way with my food addiction, too. Now that I know I can drink, I can relax... because suddenly I can think rationally. I see all the reasons I don't WANT to drink. It's more of a choice now. I don't know if this makes sense... like just earlier, 15 minutes ago or so, I wanted to drink so badly, telling myself no one would know... so I gave myself permission to drink. And suddenly, I was like "...but if I drank, this and this and that would happen.... so nevermind, I don't want to" it was strange. But it did work.

I guess I just need to keep in my mind WHY I'm not drinking. While I was in a sane mind I made a decision to not drink for a reason (for a LOT of reasons!) so I just have to remember those reasons.

So when I'm simply trying not to drink because I can't, then I start romanticising it... but once I realise I do have a choice, I start to see the hard realities of it.

Adnamaeel

Luc,
Have you ever tried doing yoga? I've found it to be really helpful for riding out cravings, and calming my mind. There are a lot of free yoga routines on line. It might be worth a try. Making it to 40 days is a big deal, you can keep going, I know you can.

Lucrezia

Thanks! I might try yoga... yesterday I tried some bollywood dancing exercise video thing, and it was great... but it was so intense!! Yoga sounds like a nicer, more relaxing thing to do... (I mean dance is still good, but right now I am so tired) yeah! I tried this one yoga video for people who held grief, apparently they held it in their hips?!? Well anyway, it did help to de stress....

Lucrezia

I didn't drink - yay!! I might have eaten all the food in the house, but.... I didn't drink. Now I'm going to go to bed. Thank you all.

ScottFromWI

Great work, have a good night!

Eshgham

This was a challenging time for me. You WILL get your second wind if you push through it. It gets easier, and you get stronger. Hang in there, treat yourself to some chocolate and get through the today.

Lucrezia

Thanks!! I'm on day 41 now (well, just about to sleep and tomorrow is 42) I'm still weary of cravings, but, also very happy that I didn't cave in to them.

I have to just keep reminding myself why I choose not to drink. Because of course, my mind keeps conveniently forgetting, haha.