Lucrezia

I'm so scared!!!

I haven't been sober on new years since I was 15.

What I love most about new years eve parties is this - dressing up all sparkly and fun, getting out to where there are people, lots of great music, sparkly lights, perhaps snacks, excitement... and did I say sparklies!? Glitter, shimmer, all of that... MY FAVOURITE. Everything is just so exciting.



And yes, I absolutely loved the anticipation of going to the store and getting all the fun kinds of booze. Getting totally drunk and all that. But thankfully, I love more about new years than just that. HOWEVER. All of those other things I love seem to be fused together with the drinking...

So my main problem this year is, what do I do!?!??

Quick backstory ~ I have social anxiety (and some general anxiety too). I have been working on myself a lot this year. But, I have been quite isolated lately. I have hardly any friends. I cut out some very toxic and abusive people, and only made one real friend since then, and all the other acquaintances and friends have been more distanced... I have been avoiding like all the gatherings that my maybe sorta friends/acquaintances/possible friends have been putting on. Because there is always alcohol there, even if it's not a get super drunk party. It's always there.

I was going to be at home on new years - completely alone - because I can't seem to find any sober thing to do. Like I said, I don't have many close friends right now.... only one, really, and they are a lot older and will probably be spending the night in with their spouse (or who knows, maybe they are going out somewhere fancy) and I'm just like... what do I do?!

So I was going to be home on new years. Order myself a pizza, eat all the things I want and drink all the non-alcoholic things I want and watch movies and listen to music or....something... but this just sounds depressing that I'm scared I might just go to the liquor stash (shared housing - not my booze, but a free for anyone thing) and just drink.

Or, I was just thinking, it would do my soul a lot of good to be around people. To actually get out, have fun, do all the music, food, people, SPARKLY GLITTER and stuff that I wanted to do and that I love so much about new years. But I would have to be at this party and just not drink. It just seems so risky, since I am nearing that mark of sobriety that I usually don't pass (just over a month... not long at all!!!) so it could be dangerous.

But also, I am so lonely lately and not getting out - that is eating at me too.

WHAT DO I DO?!?

I feel too scared to ask this older friend what they are doing... and I still don't know them that well... well I do, and I don't.

Do I~

1. Go to the party?

2. Stay home by myself?

3. ....something else? Do you have any ideas??

resolute50

If you feel that you might slip, why not stay in this time around?
I'll be watching movies or TV and snacking most of the night.
I love taking my dog for a walk early New Years Day. It's so quiet and peaceful as everybody is either nursing a hangover or sleeping.

SoberLeigh

These are the parts of your post that stood out for me, Lucrezia.

I think that skipping the party would be best.

I hope you find a good sober activity.

Bailey3

Gaurd your sobriety. Skip it this year.

SoberD

It's just another night - I would put my sobriety first. As far as the glitz, glitter, etc., if you think about it more objectively, there is nothing glamorous about poisoning yourself with a toxic substance...just my opinion after living a couple decades of the heavy party life...

least

The party sounds like a lot of stress to me. If it were me, I wouldn't go. Find something sober to do, or stay home and amuse yourself.

I never go out for New Year's Eve. I'm too afraid of encountering a drunk driver so I just stay home.

Strength11

Personally I would skip the party. Have you tried AA groups at all? They have events and meetings on New Years. Or contact your friend, what do you have to lose?

If that is not your thing, then there is nothing wrong with staying in. It is just one night and people make such a big deal over New Years. Whichever decision you make, just try to put your sobriety first.

Lucrezia

Hmm.... I never thought that AA would be doing something on new years eve. If they are here where I live, that could be an option! Maybe! I just love all the glitter and fun... I wish I could have that without the drinking, somehow. But I don't have sober friends right now. Maybe I should look into the AA thing. Although not many people in my life know about my drinking, and it would be scary if they knew right now... but they'd want to know what I was doing to celebrate. Aaahhh.... and how will I ever get in touch with these people I need to see? I am losing friends because I never go out...and because of social anxiety.... I need to connect somehow. This sucks.

I guess... I could host a drinks free party (not for new years but in the new year), and invite them all. And just try to get over the anxiety part. omg. That is an idea..

Dee74

I think a lot of us feel subconsciously that we can never have fun again...thats simply not true Lucrezia...

But it needs a good deal of sober work-out time before you have the muscles to deal with new years revellery.

I missed several New Years - I don't regret that now. This year I'm going out with a few friends and I'm not worried in the slightest as I know nothing or noone can injure my recovery

The AA option seems like a sensible compromise, perhaps?

D

hman0217

It's quite common to have New Year's Eve parties and New Year's Day parties within AA circles. I'm definitely spoiled living in NYC, but I bet if you called the local number they'd have at least something.

For me, being a musician, I have friends who drink, smoke weed and whatever else, and I do find myself at such events on a fairly frequent basis. I don't attend the events because I want to capture the air of days past, but because I am seeing my friends perform. So I can completely understand your genuine desire to go dress up all sparkly!

That being said, the other part of it is that my decision to attend such events does depend on my present level of spiritual fitness. If I am feeling solid in my sobriety, I can go anywhere and not be affected. But If I'm wallowing in the spiritual danger zone, I skip it. At 1 month clean, I was doing a lot more skipping than attending.

About AA and non-sober friends... It's a total personal decision and some people walk around with virtual AA banners over their heads. I am not one of them. Outside of AA meetings, there are only a handful of people I am close to that I disclose my membership to. The second A stands for "anonymous". It's nobody's business but your own!

If you told your friends you weren't going out with them because you weren't feeling well, you'd be telling the truth. Addiction is not a form of wellness, mind you! I'm not saying to use that exact excuse, but just that there really is a way to handle everything. And addicts have so much anxiety about handling everyday issues that come up that we inevitably just drink or get high instead of taking what's really not-that-hard-of-a-course of action, because then we don't have to feel the anxiety.

I hope some of this has been helpful.

All the best and call on us if you need us!

H

melki

I LOVE sparkle too!!! And even though I am mostly an introvert I crave being in the middle of that sparkle and fun sometimes. I would go to the party only if you're absolutely sure you will not drink and have an exit plan if it gets too much. I understand your concern about building friendships, I'm in the same boat. It's like ... you occasionally need to let your presence be known and hope it will lead to meaningful connections. I had the best experience at parties where I enjoyed the company and enjoyed my own sobriety and felt wonderful afterwards. It gets less fun when most everybody around you gets too drunk though. Anyhoo, that's just my experience. If I go, I go mentally prepared that I will absolutely not let anything alcoholic touch my lips. The last party gave me several pangs because the hostess prepared an awesome champagne punch. It really helps to have a non-acloholic fizzy drink in your hands at all times. And later coffee/tea with desserts. I'm just sharing my experience if you are still considering going to a party. Staying home and enjoying sober activities is much safer! Is there a friend you can invite over maybe?

A sober party or smaller get-together sounds good too, have them come to you! Look into AA options too.

AAAAAANNNDDDDD... We should have a sparkle-filled party here on SR!!!!!!

melki

Sparkle!

melki

I really really like what hman0217 wrote, very solid advice.

Lucrezia

Yaaaaaaaaaaay sparkle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We really should have a sparkly party here at SR!!!

And everyone here has such awesome advice!!!! Thank you

freshstart57

I will suggest that you will find maintaining sobriety to be difficult if you persist in telling yourself that alcohol = SPARKLE GLITTER and FUN!!!

My truth is that alcohol stopped being sparkly fun for me about three decades ago, it came to mean depression and anxiety, embarassment and self-harm instead. It was a dead end. To quit drinking, I needed to come to understand that alcohol would never be sparkly fun, it would always and forever be misery. When I accepted that, things became very clear and simple for me.

Happy New Year, to you, Lucrezia. I hope the new year brings peace and serenity and health to you, and that you find happiness in full measure. All the best.

Lucrezia

Thanks! I was never saying that alcohol = sparkle/glitter. I was saying that I love the sparkle and glitter of new years, even if I am not drinking. But that, however, any gathering I can go out to on new years, anything to show off my sparkly glitter and see sparkly glittery decorations, etc.... is booze filled. I was saying that I would be fine with having a sparkly new years, without the booze part. But that unfortunately, people seem to have fused those things together....

newman23

I know exactly how you feel. AA is a good idea. I know around here, on New Years Eve, one AA location has meeting every other hour from 7:30am up thru 11:30pm. Not sure how common it is but its worth either calling the AA line, asking at meetings, or checking out the AAs website in your area. And SR is always here!!

melki

Doesn't matter if some misconstrued the glitter/alcohol association. I didn't take it that way for example. You know your own truth and it's your life. Be honest with yourself first of all. I hope you have a wonderful New Year! Stay close to the forum and check in on what you decide please!

Mags1

Hi Lucrezia, I loved the glitter and spritz of New Years eve, but unfortunately until I got resilient I wouldn't have trusted myself to not get caught up in it all.

I can separate the two now, I don't feel booze is part of the equation anymore, but you seem pretty well positive with what you will and will not do.

Enjoy your new year with the knowledge that you don't drink alcohol and can have as much fun, if not more, with no hangovers.

Soberwolf

im not going to any party this year esp now i have my gf cold

AA hold sober partys etc worth checking out