philly76

The last night that I went out drinking with friends, the evening took an unexpected turn. At the last bar we went to, I mentioned to a friend that I wanted to stop drinking. He almost got excited, said he wasn't sure if I was joking but that he was glad I brought it up. It turns out he's been going through the exact same thing and didn't have anyone to talk to about it. He's been posting on a reddit forum, I've been posting here, and we swapped stories and experiences. Trying to moderate unsuccessfully, night sweats and anxiety when we try to stop. Basically we both realize that it's all or nothing.

But drunk talk is drunk talk, you know? People sit at the bar and make ridiculous vacation plans and solve world crises that seem absurd in the next morning. But the next day we texted each other at the same time. He woke up with vomit in his bed and I woke up with a used condom on the floor, and in the stone cold sober light of day we were both still serious about it.

I don't know what others think of alcoholic friends supporting each other, especially those who typically socialized with each other in bars. We could be setting each other up to be one another's enabler. Or we could be the support each of us needs. If we decide to try AA, it could be awkward telling stories that we might not want the other to know. It takes the anonymity out of it.

I'm going to feel that out, support and encourage him, but still focus primarily on my own path to true sobriety. In the mean time at least I have one buddy who won't mind going bowling on a Saturday night instead of the bar.

Deserto

Philly, it sounds like you've got a good grasp of the pros and cons of the situation. I think you're right to put your sobriety first. That's the main thing.

philly76

That's what I figured. I mean it's great to have support from someone I know, but it's supplemental. I'm lucky in that even my "bar friends" are more than just drinking buddies. If he slips or decides to not go through with it, I know he won't pressure me to drink with him.

resolute50

I don't see any reason why having a friend who has the same goal wouldn't be a good thing. But just keep one thing in mind. If this friend relapses you're going to have to leave them behind and continue on with your goal of sobriety.

Squig

A good number of my close friends are people with whom I did much drinking, before I turned into a drunken recluse and tried to hide my behavior. They know my struggles with booze, and would never do anything to enable me. They worry if they don't hear from me for a few days, and naturally fear the worst. Most of them have seen me at my absolute lowest, and aren't afraid to remind me that booze and I don't mix any longer. One guy would probably punch me in the face if he saw me drinking. He and I have been friends since high school, and now work together. The friends I consider myself closest with, are those who have never been afraid to call me out for dangerous behavior. I get in the most trouble when I turn away from these people, and indulge the "woe is me" mentality. I think most alcoholics will agree that they tend to be thier own harshest critic.

Soberwolf

Philly im with the rest its good you have a potential sobriety friend just look after yours and youl be ok

sugarbear1

we tell those secret stories to a sponsor, not in a meeting. meetings are where we share, in a general way, what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now....

please do be careful so you don't take each other back out to the bar!

Sasha4

I think it sounds good.

I have 1 or 2 friends who I can tell the worst things about me and I know they won't judge.

Perhaps if you keep to your separate internet forums that might allow you a bit of distance from each other.

There is no need to be totally exclusive either.
Who is not to say you attend the same meetings but also find one meeting each that the other does not attend and vice versa.

I also think its worth considering that in life we go through at lot of the same milestones. First relationships, first homes bought, first babies, first divorce, first serious illness. Some of its good but some of its bad too. Its without doubt that there are going to be friends we have to share addiction struggles with too.

I have 2 friends I went to school with.
We often say over a cup of tea,wow, we have shared so much in life.
I got pregnant first.
My friend had IVF first.
We all struggled to conceive babies.
I became a single mum.
My friend lost her mum. She was the first one to loose a parent amongst us.
My friends partner has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. The first one with a serious illness.
My other friends partner lost his job. That was the first time we all went through that.
One of us encountered serious debt, really bad.

The point I'm making is that these are all problems in life that all of us will be hit with.
They are part of life and we have to support each other through them.
Thats what friends do.

I think the only time you need worry is if you both wake up in bed together and there is a used condom on the floor!!! Then you might be a bad influence on each other - I'm only kidding of course!! xx

philly76

LOL that would probably be the awkward wakeup call that would send us both back to the bar. That won't be happening :P

I get what you all are saying. I haven't had my first AA adventure yet so I'm not exactly sure what it entails, other than the stereotypes you see in movies. It doesn't sound nearly as boot-camp rigid as I assumed. In fact, I finally talked to a friend who's been attending meetings for a year or so, and from what he says it sounds like a good judgement-free zone as long as your open, honest, and respectful.

Soberwolf

Thats awesome Philly