biminiblue

What happened?

You start again. This time make a promise to yourself that you aren't going to drink, no matter what happens.

Then keep that promise.

Mcribb

I remember being on Day 4. I had to call some of my buddies who were in Jail for doing meth. That made me really say "I am goig to be sober one day at a time" being messed up is not worth it to what it does it families.

pattyspaw

I am starting again; I really do want to get sober; I need to get to some meetings and make some sober friends; it's just so hard for me to ask for help

matilda123

Pattyspaw, I can totally understand about not wanting to ask for help: I'm the same way.

Several years ago it was suggested to me that I join a support group to deal with some childhood stuff and I just couldn't do it. So hard for me to share in that forum. I suppose that is one attraction to SR. But I also have, very slowly, started to tell folks in my life whom I trust what is happening. I was a secret drinker for the most part, but I imagine some of them weren't surprised either to hear about my drinking.

I haven't been to an AA meeting, but I know many people who have or to something similar and found great success. Seems like it might provide support and place us among like-minded folks too. I think for me part of my hesitation is sort of a combination of shame and some hubristic thinking--like, I'm a strong person and should be able to deal with this myself. Do you have a sense of what it might be for you?

pattyspaw

Wow Matilda; you and I are a lot alike; I have also been a secret drinker, and have some childhood stuff to deal with; yeah, I have the same reasons for hesitation; also, feel like I should be strong enough to do this by myself; but I'm not or I wouldn't be on this site posting; thank you so much for reaching out;

matilda123

I wonder if the childhood/secret drinking stuff is connected. The shame I have around both feels very similar. I think that a sense of shame kept me from reaching out for help as a child.

One thing I'm starting to embrace is that I have a lot of healing still to do, but I am no longer that powerless child. An action that I can take now, as an adult, is to recognize my power by admitting that when it comes to my drinking I don't have all the answers and that I need to reach out and aski for help when I need it.

Anyway, not sure if that makes sense. I'm still working through this.

Take care PattysPaw! Hope you made it okay through the storm. It was a doosey!

pattyspaw

I'm sure for me the childhood/secret drinking is very much connected; shame and not feeling safe has kept me from reaching out; SR is helping me through some of it; the storm within is much worse than the storm outside was;