Soberpotamus

It does make sense. But we are all human. We are all allowed to fail, to change our minds, to make mistakes, and... to learn from our experience.

Also, there's no rule in addiction recovery that we must relapse

soberclover

I hope you are able to confide in a few of your close friends about your sober journey. You are taking some big steps to take care of yourself and your sobriety

Carlotta

This is awesome Brynn!!!

GroundhogDay

Well done, Brynn

Jsbodhi

I understand this completely, this time I admitted to my mom, best friend, and boyfriend about the seriousness of my alcoholism, I was scared too because I thought if I failed they would not trust me, but I'm not going to fail, so I told them, it's actually a big help, and they're proud of me.
It'll create accountability for you too
Hang in there xoxo.
Don't deal with the boyfriend when he's drunk, as a mean blackout drunk myself. It won't turn out well. I'd wait till he's at work, write him a long letter telling him how you feel, and let him know you care about him, but you need to get sober. I find letters are often better than conversations.

Eauchiche

I used to binge drink with my partner. Over a period of several years, my health deteriorated with messed up liver panels high blood pressure and obesity. This time last year I was only home on weekends due to a job out of town.
Some weekends, I would fantasize about leaving town in the middle of the night, even under the influence of all the alcohol I had drunk. I remember sleeping in my greenhouse one night to get away from him.

My decision in March to quit drinking was the major undoing of our 14 year relationship.

I read other posts here occasionally where one quit drinking and the other soon followed, and I think "how lucky" for them! I wish this were true more often.

All the best to you. Hang in there!!!

brynn

I'm overwhelmed by y'all's support and understanding.

I'm composing a letter to him right now...gonna keep it relatively short and simple...don't want to get into a lot of blaming and that kind of thing. Because this isn't about blame...it's about me needing to get sober once and for all. I can't do the roller coaster any more. I'm dying inside and the booze is killing me.

The good news today is that I'm sober. I haven't picked up the bottle. I'm not going to drink today. I want to..boy do I ever, anxiety through the freaking roof right now, but I'm not going to drink today.

Carlotta

Spoken like a true Double Winner! You are doing awesome.
Just a friendly suggestion: make sure you erase your internet history every time you log off.

Anna

Brynn, you are doing great. You have made two great decisions - to get sober, and to leave your abusive partner (and it is abuse hen you're living in fear). I'm so glad that you have gotten to the point of taking action. Be cautious and careful with leaving him.

Nic233

I'm also on day 2 and I'm finding it hard enough,..I couldn't quit drinking if I had a Partner who was still drinking. I think that you need to remove yourself from this situation and get yourself well again. This is your life..The thought of leaving must be overwhelming but you have already taken a huge step by deciding to quit alcohol!! That's massive!!
I'm making plans to avoid social situations with my Family (who are all very big drinkers) until I get well again. Good luck honey xx

LexieCat

Good going, Brynn! Please do be careful. Once you are safely out, I also suggest you make a call to the domestic violence hotline and talk with a counselor about how to stay safe. You don't have to call the police or get a restraining order or anything you aren't ready to do, but it's very good and powerful to have information and options at the ready if you should ever need them.

Very, VERY proud of you for reaching out for help--here and to your friend. I have a very good feeling that you are going to succeed. Stay focused--sobriety and safety.

Hugs!!

Tamerua

I am so impressed by you! You can do this and you can do it sober. thinking positive thoughts for you.

brynn

Y'all, I want to make it clear that my leaving is only temporary...I mean, that's the plan as of now. I'm in no frame of mind to be making huge life decisions like leaving for good. I just need to be somewhere where I can focus on staying sober instead of trying to dodge his drunken nonsense for a bit.
And y'all, I don't think he is really abusive...that's an awfully strong word. He can be a bully and intimidating but I know deep down he doesn't mean it...it's the alcohol.
I just want to clarify those things.
Y'alls support is unbelievable! Thanks a million times over.
Still sober!

LexieCat

Well, stay alert. And as long as he's drinking, if he's a bully and intimidating when he drinks, it doesn't really matter whether he "means it" or not. You can still get hurt--emotionally if not physically. I still think some safety planning makes good sense--especially if you plan to go back once you are feeling stronger. Even if it's just making sure you always have things like a cell phone, keys, money/credit card stashed so you can grab them if you need to leave suddenly.

ubntubnt

that stood enough and a great start Brynn. Once you have put a little space between the two of you and once you have been off the booze for a few weeks you will be much better placed to see how you feel and decide how to move forward from there. You don't need to find all the answers now, one step at a time. Just move out, write him the letter to clearly explain why and stay sober. The rest you can figure out when you have a clear head and a more positive frame of mind. Good luck!

jaynie04

brynn, I looked at your first post here because I didn't know your story. So I saw that you had some significant sober time before, but you mentioned that your ex-husband put a lot of barriers in place before in order to keep you sober.

This time around it seems very different. You are doing this for you. I know for me it was the fact that I did it for myself that made my sobriety so precious to me. I was willing to do whatever it took because I realized that without my sobriety my life was going to go down in flames.

I needed a bit of sober time before I could assess the rest of my life. It was impossible for me to have any clarity when I was still drinking or just a day or two into it. So at the outset I focused on what was right in front of me. That meant food, shelter and completely the basic responsibilities. And then as I got more time under my belt I started to sort out the bigger stuff.

The important thing is you have turned a corner. Simply by getting that first day under your belt you have done something different. It is scary but it is change and it sounds like it would be much scarier to simply continue living like you were.

I really admire your courage, and the fact that you are hanging in there tonight. It sounds like you want a better life, and you deserve it. You should be very proud of yourself for managing to tough it out even in the face of adversity.

I have a feeling someday you will look back on today as the day that you started to move forward again, and grab the reins back to steer your life with purpose.

Thinking of you and sending support tonight.

Jsbodhi

No need to make all your decisions tonight
Space and sober time will be good.
Just be careful not to settle for less than you deserve, not as in less of a person, but the way you're treated.
My boyfriend had it with my drunk sh1t, and rightly so. It's no excuse to treat someone badly because of alcohol, that's coming from me, the mean drunk. that's a major reason for my desire for a sober life, it is NOT ok for me to be treating anyone badly because of alcohol.

anattaboy

My wife acted out big time when I quit. We were each others' best drinking buddy but also catalysts for each other to go big. I was a week sober when we had an argument that had me out the door for a week. Fortunately my brother has been sober a couple years and enough time had passed since we traded drunken blows. I worked with him a week and we did every eve at the AA club. She has since been sober some 9-10 days less than me. There is a lot of untold back-story here. I'm not saying this is what to do but what happened. I was very in tune with my self preservation in regards to staying sober. No way in hell I would give in and drink with her or fight so I left. I'm happy to report our codependence has been re-directed to supporting each other. 2 days running we've done yoga as a family unit (her idea) and I'm the eastern spirituality expert around here. This is really all I could have hoped for and I am grateful. I'm not sure what to say--stay sober no matter what it takes and everything else will fall into place? Seems to be the case for me. Best wishes.

Jack16

I'm sorry to hear that Brynn, all I can say is, while he's giving you grief, (and you clearly know why he's doing that), just picture all of us here on SR right behind you, wishing you well, supporting you. What's one person against all of that, right?

FreeOwl

If that were how my partner were treating me and my honest need for sobriety.... Knowing what I know now after almost a year of sobriety..... I would leave.