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My partner is completely unsupportive...day two and fragile

Old 12-07-2014, 11:07 AM
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My AH did that for 18 months. I continued to stay sober and get my life together...feeling better and better. My sponsor told me to stay the course and that AH would either join me in recovery (AA or Al Anon) or he wouldn't.

AH came into AA a year and a half later. Our life together is amazing. There was quite a while there, though, where I was sure we weren't going to make it.

Glad you are here. Keep your sobriety the priority and the rest will fall into place where it is supposed to.
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Old 12-07-2014, 11:15 AM
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He sounds abusive and is drinking right now, I would suggest you avoid telling him which could result in a confrontation with him. Have your purse with car keys, id and money ready so you can take off in a pinch if it gets too much otherwise wait until he is gone or passed out.
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Old 12-07-2014, 11:25 AM
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You have it in you to become everything you can be as long as you keep on being sober. Here is the Women For Sobriety New Life Acceptance Program. I hope it gives you a little boost and some hope
"NEW LIFE" ACCEPTANCE PROGRAM

1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.

I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.

2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.

My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.

3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.

Happiness is created, not waited for.

4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.

I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.

5. I am what I think.

I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.

Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.

7. Love can change the course of my world.

Caring becomes all important.

8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.

Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.

9. The past is gone forever.

No longer will I be victimized by the past, I am a new person.

10. All love given returns.

I will learn to know that others love me.

11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.

I treasure all moments of my new life.

12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.

This is what I am and I shall know it always.

13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.

I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.

(c) 1976, 1987, 1993, 2011


Women For Sobriety, Inc.
P.O. Box 618, Quakertown, PA 18951-0618
(215) 536-8026
Copyright 1999 Women For Sobriety, Inc. All rights reserved.
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Old 12-07-2014, 11:37 AM
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If this was me, I would get a plan together to leave. Especially with that temper. In the meantime, go do something for you. You say you like to workout? Go for a good long workout. Or go look at some shoes! And then, figure out your game plan.

Don't beat yourself up... Yeah you guys met at a bar. You know what? Non alcoholics also meet in bars and other places. There isn't any point in worrying about that or how messed up it is. We all make mistakes. But you are taking strides to right your life.
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Old 12-07-2014, 11:42 AM
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Brynn, please listen to that voice that is telling you to leave. And, if you are afraid he may have a reaction if you leave, can you leave while he is away, as others suggested, or have a friend come over to help.

One thing I've seen in my short time at this is that others can get very upset when we draw boundaries. That doesn't mean what we're doing is wrong. On the contrary, it means we're doing precisely what we need to be doing.

My thoughts are with you...
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Old 12-07-2014, 12:23 PM
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I'm seriously considering all this. I know I shouldn't let his reaction control what I do, but I also have to live in reality on this.
I hate to admit this but I'm hesitant to call anyone in real life because then they'll know I'm trying to get sober. I don't want my friends and family to know because if I fail, then I will just have let them down again and confirmed what they already think about me...that I'm too far gone and there's no hope left for me. Does that make any sense to y'all? I don't want people in my life to see me fail again!
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Old 12-07-2014, 12:39 PM
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Brynn, I can totally understand. I was a secret drinker, and no one knew (although I imagine some might have suspected). My sense of shame (as a child, as an adult) is part of what stopped me from reaching out for help, and contributed to my addiction too.

But please do nor let feelings of shame stop you from reaching out. Is there one trusted person you could turn to? Alternatively, you don't have to tell them you're leaving because you're trying to get sober. You could say that you and your partner are having a conflict and just need a little break. It strikes me that isn't a lie.

xo
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Old 12-07-2014, 12:44 PM
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Your not going to fail! I Just focus on the present. If I focus too much on tomorrow that's when I start getting THE FEAR!! This will take practice and keep talking about what bothers you. There are thousands if not millions that believe in you. Dying from the complications of what booze does to the body is not pretty. Do yourself a favor and stay sober.
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Old 12-07-2014, 12:57 PM
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Y'all are right. It's not a lie that we are having problems and I need a break. I feel like I'm making excuses because the truth is I'm scared. I'm unsure of myself and feeling totally insecure. I don't trust myself to make good choices right now. But staying here is NOT a good choice and even I know that!
I need to swallow my pride (ha what little I have left) and call someone. Secrets are killers.
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Old 12-07-2014, 01:01 PM
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Actually, Brynn, based on your last post I would say that you (from an outsider's point of view) are making very good decisions. They may just feel weird because they are going against the grain of what you've done before. Do pick up the phone and call a friend if you can. That support might be very useful right now.
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Old 12-07-2014, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted by brynn View Post
Y'all are right. It's not a lie that we are having problems and I need a break. I feel like I'm making excuses because the truth is I'm scared. I'm unsure of myself and feeling totally insecure. I don't trust myself to make good choices right now. But staying here is NOT a good choice and even I know that!
I need to swallow my pride (ha what little I have left) and call someone. Secrets are killers.
Make the call Brynn your not to far gone you can do this and you have a lot of support its ok to be scared but its not ok for you to live in fear like this

call somreone you trust that really cares and seek help your not alone
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Old 12-07-2014, 01:14 PM
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Hi Brynn, I sympathize with the situation you find yourself in. The way I see it you will not be happy and find the answers until you stop drinking. This is the most important first step so you MUST protect that almost at all costs. A clear sober head will see things and understand in a way that a clouded alcoholic head will not.
If this means moving out for a little while then I think it's a small price to pay for your happiness. The reason so many are recommending what seems to you to be such a drastic step is because they know you are extremely unlikely to succeed in staying sober in your current environment and they also know how amazingly worthy the goal of sobriety is.
Maybe move out when he is at work and explain your reasons to him in an email and note for him to read and reread. Then you can tell him you will be happy to meet at a coffee shop after you have been sober for a month. That will give him food for thought and time to decide how he wants to play it. It he is abusive or still drinking heavily when you meet then you will know that there is a tougher decision to be made.
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Old 12-07-2014, 01:15 PM
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Hi Brynn

SR and places like it are here for support. No matter what else is going oin, we're here 24/7

Sounds like you're wrestling with some big decisions. There's nothing wrong with getting some wise counsel and advice, even if that does mean breaking cover a little...after all, you plan to be sober for good, right? People will have to know sooner or later

D
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Old 12-07-2014, 02:27 PM
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Ok I did it. I called a friend and asked if I could stay with her a few days starting tomorrow.

And the weird part is she didn't really question it...like she expected it. She knows what a bully my partner can be when drunk, I guess Im just now realizing it as well...being sober puts things in a whole new perspective.

I'm laying low the rest of the day so as not to get him any more riled up.

By the way, I'm still sober. Anxious, scared, kind nauseas, but sober.

Thanks y'all.
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Old 12-07-2014, 02:34 PM
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Brynn, that is so fantastic. Good for you for doing the right thing! Funny thing about our close friends: they often see things before we see them ourselves.

You have inspired me, today, by your courage. Brava!
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Old 12-07-2014, 02:34 PM
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Good stuff!! Stand tough, Stay strong
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Old 12-07-2014, 02:47 PM
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Well done Brynn you can lean on us for support 24/7

so glad your here and so glad your going to stay at a friends your doing the right thing

big big hugs Brynn
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Old 12-07-2014, 03:14 PM
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Brynn, just to add: don't hesitate to leave before tomorrow if things get too tense, even if you might have to stay in a hotel tonight. As we were discussing in another thread, we have the right to literally escape a bad or challenging situation, vs. escaping through alcohol.
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Old 12-07-2014, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by brynn View Post
Ok I did it. I called a friend and asked if I could stay with her a few days starting tomorrow.

And the weird part is she didn't really question it...like she expected it. She knows what a bully my partner can be when drunk, I guess Im just now realizing it as well...being sober puts things in a whole new perspective.

I'm laying low the rest of the day so as not to get him any more riled up.

By the way, I'm still sober. Anxious, scared, kind nauseas, but sober.

Thanks y'all.
I'm impressed, really impressed.

You rock, keep pushing trough. Now that the warrior in you is out, keep going and use tour inner strength.

Prayers your way
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Old 12-07-2014, 03:23 PM
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Way to go brynn! Sober and taking charge! I love it! Great job!
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